Atlanta Analogies and Jokes about De-Nile
Atlanta Analogies and Jokes about De-Nile Make a Silly Game Show Sillier–for the Better, that is by Roxanne McDonald
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In especially good humor, Foxworthy makes for a fun episode #106 of “Are You Smarter than a Fifth Grader?” |
He was slick, calm, cool, collected, and cracking wise the whole night through:
He stresses the fact that a contestant has made an impressive choice, saying, “You jumped all the way to the third grade!”
He reminds the player, “You’re banking on someone who might have an imaginary friend.”
When the question involves what the longest river in the world is, and contestant Deborah answers the Nile, he tosses out the familiar, “So you’re not in de-Nile?” Then he adds, “I had to.”
When the question is how many feet are in a mile, and Deborah is taking forever to decide on an answer she is comfortable with (while the fifth graders all answer in a heartbeat), Foxworthy first suggest she “think of a place that you know is a mile…and then count it off in your feet.”
When she finally gets to locking in her answer, he says, “There’s people that run the mile faster than it took you to answer that.”
When the question involves saying how many moons Mars has, Deborah umms and umms some more, then mutters something about how “…Mars is the red planet….” Foxworthy jabs, “If only that was the question.”
Again he brings in the fifth-grade level factor, telling her, “You’re resting your hopes if you’re wrong on someone whose hands probably smell like Play-Dough.”
When the first grade grammar question asks for Deborah to identify the number of proper nouns in the sentence that reads “In Oklahoma, Oprah met our ostrich Ozzie,” Deborah is vacillating over whether Oprah is a proper noun or a pronoun, and Foxworthy quips, “I know it’s a television show.”
And in quintessential southern style, comparing one abstraction to something Southern, blue-collar, everyman, Foxworthy jokes, “You’re changing your mind more than a dog in a fire hydrant factory.”
His jokes, coming more than an angry farmer can swing a possum, make up a large part of what makes “Are You Smarter than a Fifth Grader?” fun. Again.
SirLinksAlot Are You Smarter than a Fifth Grader links
Player Makes Fifth Grade History
Player Makes Fifth Grade History by Roxanne McDonald
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“Are You Smarter than a Fifth Grader?” contestant Pat becomes the first to flunk fifth grade—with a third grade science question. |
Poor Pat. He didn’t answer correctly and he didn’t think to use a cheat, a copy, or a save? [Not sure why he couldn’t or didn’t use the save on his very first question; maybe I should have been paying attention!?] And of course they had to make a big deal about Pat being the one to make “Are You Smarter than a Fifth Grader?” history!
Anyway, here is Pat’s question, followed by the questions for the next contest, Deborah Bassett, who was using the money she won for charitable service!
1.Third Grade Science
What’s the lowest layer of the earth’s atmosphere?
Mesosphere
Thermosphere
Troposphere
2. Fourth Grade U.S. Geography
What is the southernmost U.S. state?
3. Third Grade World Geography
What is the world’s longest river?
4. Second Grade Math
How many feet are in a mile?
5. Fifth Grade Astronomy
The planet Mars has how many moons?
6. First Grade Animal Science
True or false: the koala is a marsupial.
7. First Grade Grammar
How many proper nouns are in the following sentence?
“In Oklahoma, Oprah met our ostrich Ozzie.”
8. Third Grade Math
How many of the interior angles of a Scalene Triangle have the same degrees?
9.Fourth Grade U.S. History
What’s the most common first name among U.S. presidents?
Chris Sligh: Talented, Funny, and Business-Smart
Chris Sligh: Talented, Funny, and Business-Smart by Roxanne McDonald
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He knew what he was doing: not going for the title of Idol but going for the exposure the association with Idol would bring. |
I knew there was a reason I wasn’t getting all apoplectic when Chris was eliminated….
Unlike several other eliminated contestants on Idol and on several other shows, Chris Sligh is not responding to his elimination under the guise of any sour grapes defense mechanism.
Instead, he is being candid as ever (part of his humor and charm), explaining in exit and other interviews how he was not using Idol as a way to win the coveted title. Rather, Sligh realized he is more from “an indie/alternative rock kind of background,” he said (to TV reporters, according to TV Squad).
In fact, he added, for him, “I think winning would hurt what I was really going for.”
What he was really going for is what I have suggested is the understood outcome for high-end performers who make it to the top twelve of American Idol but who do not win the grand prize. Chris Sligh has picked up on what Daughtry, Aiken, Hudson, and other runners-up, if you will, have hit upon: Sligh has followed the results and subsequent non-Idol
successes; used Idol as his platform (the best platform on the planet right now); and branded/marketed and continues to market his name, his talent, and his true calling.
So, after having written all gushingly about Sligh being my favorite, now I get why I didn’t sob and scream defiantly at the screen when he was “voted” out last night.
He would have dropped from the race, anyway. In fact, he almost did—though once again, his smart inquiries (asking if he dropped out would he be in good stead for independent contracts) kept him right where he was—and is—supposed to be.
SirLinksAlot American Idol links
Running Man, Here We Come
Running Man, Here We Come by Roxanne McDonald
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Make a Wish Foundation meets Oprah’s Angel Network in this new interactive reality show intended to make one contestant’s dream come true—and unintentionally bringing us one step closer to crowd-controlled fate. |
If who is producing “The Great American Dream Vote” is any indication of the potential for success (brought to us by the producers of “The Bachelor” series, then this new interactive game show should do quite well.
But then again, any reality TV environment where the people get to decide the fate of the contestants is also the latest in popular trends. There’s my issue, concerned (or even worried) as I am that we are hurtling at cyberspeed toward the day when the only kind of reality competition
entertainment to satisfy our hungers will be that which satisfies, too, our bloodlust, our mass mentality, and our need for scapegoats.
If you think I’m kidding, rambling, or out of my mind, just rent a copy of The Running Man. Look at what happens when they run out of TV show ideas, contestants, and rewards of any value.
So far, “The Great American Dream Vote” (after only one episode, of course) has no issues with people being dissatisfied with the prizes.
Six contestants stand before the people, the audience, and pitch their cases for their great American dreams:
How the Mightiest do Fall
How the Mightiest do Fall by Roxanne McDonald
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Besides the work ethic theme, including early mornings, long rehearsals, and twenty-four-hour commitment, the theme of the week is personal creativity. Sesily’s opportunity to shine becomes a light on how dull she apparently is, despite how “creative” she gets with the excuses. |
While the groups have “Shame” and “Don’t Leave Me this Way,” maybe they should have switched songs: the “Shame” group is confirmed as doing well once Robin checks in on them during rehearsals; but the “Don’t Leave Me…” group is a mess. They are not working cohesively on the dance floor, and they are not working well on any interpersonal levels, either. For some reason, the girls are cruel toward Asia as leader, and when she breaks down about it, Sesily is ever the sadistic one, saying how “life isn’t always pretty” or something indifferent and cold like that.
However, as Asia is determined to show Robin that she can be strong and put drama behind her, and as Melissa says, Asia becomes more confident, stronger, in spite of or
because of the problem between the three.
The mini-competition involves Ashley of The Pussycat Dolls coming and calling for the sexy side of each of the girls, saying how there is a Pussycat Doll in every woman, and ushering in some hot boys to accompany the contestants in a sexy choreographing challenge.
Mariela, who is more than thrilled with her partner, whom she says is “so hot” and “very good eye candy,” wind the elimination exemption.
Sesily has had control issues with her partner, who resisted her idea of lowering her to the floor Tango-style; and in true Sesily the Queen of Sour Grapes and Sadism fashion, has bashed Asia, again, for dancing like a drag queen.
In some token moment of contrition (not about Asia, though), Sesily comments how disappointed she is for not having won the challenge, and asserts that “That just shows I have to work harder for this performance.” Does it also mean, then, that had she won immunity she would not have worked so hard? Evidently it does.
We Can Work it Out
We Can Work it Out by Roxanne McDonald
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Starting with working Mimi right out of the picture. |
The tail end of the single couple’s therapy session had Mimi turning tail and running, “abandoning” Jackie as she does every time Jackie talks. This does for Jackie, who ends it, kicks Mimi’s tail right out.
Her new business is the priority, she says, and whether she realizes it or not, returns interested viewers to the premise and promise of the show that calls itself “Work Out.”
Cross-promoting not lost on “Work Out,” one of the clients of the day is the verbal gossip blogger, Kathy Griffin, who with Jackie is a member today of the mutual admiration society (they adore each other) but who is also put through the rigors of a work-out despite who she is. And thank God she is who she is, for the otherwise who-cares session becomes fodder for Griffin’s funnies: she narrates the
grueling session, saying, “She’s like, ‘Push! Push!’ and it was like giving birth!” and after it is over, “She kicked my ass and took my name!”
Jackie chooses nine people to work one-on-one with her nine trainers, selecting the clients with major weight and/or body image issues, inducting them by BMI trials in tubs, and aligning each with a trainer of Jackie’s choosing.
The trainers have to endure the BMI/body fat sinking in the tub test, too, and some are resentful, others are fine, and still others (like Andre) focus on how the testosterone and estrogen are all abouncing about in the bathing-suited bunch.
BF is the big issue, though, as Jackie prefaces the results with the fact that 65% of the American population has over 30% body fat…meaning, they are overweight.
She then calls out the results:
Dirty and Dangerous
Dirty and Dangerous by Roxanne McDonald
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And so ends the first compelling season of “Dirt”—not with a whimper or a bang but with a surprising stalker outcome and some dynamic possibilities for the future, and so, with a low sizzle…. |
Big runway show, model passing out, and Willa suggesting that liver problems from illicit drug abuse are the cause. Lucy’s not having it, and suggests that until Willa can show her a doctorate, she needs to stay off the theorizing and get some hard proof.
Willa, in another respect, is becoming the next Lucy Spiller. When Brent offers indecent proposals to extend their playful relationship, Willa says, “I’m 23. You’re not,” and tells him to go search among the many women his age….
Julia is going off the wacky end of the pool, having been exposed for the fake she is, and as Holt confronts her, she goes into this damsel in distress mode, asking him, “Have you ever been so scared you lose yourself…don’t know
yourself?” Then she tries to get Holt to know her, but he shoves her away: “Listen, stay the hell away from me. Do you understand me? Stay the hell away from me. You need someone to talk to, why don’t you call Johnny Gage?”
Of course, Julia is still a few critical thoughts away from knowing Holt’s secret and concedes to his jealous and angry fit with a slumping on the bed or to the floor….
Fellow PR persons share with Lucy how America is “shitting itself,” and Lucy wants pictures; the Killer Spiller blog is a thorn in Lucy’s self-serving side; and an ex college associate/friend, Tina (played by Jennifer Anniston, ironically, if you will) shows up to deny rumors she wants Lucy’s job, to feign support, and to do what else only the writers for next season know.
Seeing Red
Seeing Red by Roxanne McDonald
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The complaints get stronger, Matt’s carpenter saws off a finger, and Goile wants to murder all his competition. |
In the Viceroy hotel, Todd Oldham informs the final four the creative challenge (and I say “creative” as an adjective for the idea the producers came up with and as one describing the demands of the challenge, as well) involves the four elements.
Andrea, who is thrilled to have met her goal of making it to the final four, gets earth. But since she’s not “crunchy”, she says, the earth element will be challenging.
Goil has fire, which he finds inspiring.
Matt takes water, which he says is perfect for him, as he’s a scorpio.
And Carisa gets air, which she assures us (and herself) will not be involving any birds or clouds.
With a $30k budget plus additional monies (if I heard right) for fabric, lumber, and paint, the four are off to the Pacific Design Center and their enclaves.
Goil is again so thoughtful about his scheme, suggesting metals, when forged, make fire, and setting himself into yet another phase of the project which consumes his time with floors and back walls and whatnot.
Cross Models
Cross Models by Roxanne McDonald
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Cross-dressing, that is. And, some cross-talk, some cross thoughts, etc. |
How is it that the Top Model hopefuls who are at truly at the top of the game are the ones with the greatest pains and desires to flee?
Last week, Renee was all dramatic with her husband, telling him to come get her and take her away from this stupid competition and stupid house with the stupid girls surrounding her.
This week, Natasha is crying to her husband, Scott, how she is feeling persecuted or incompetent or whatnot (while the girls chat in the other room about how Natasha got married when she was only eighteen and her husband was forty—in, possibly, some mail-order bride scenario).
Both Renee and Natasha get high marks, lots of compliments, and make many fine choices. However, because of this, they get paranoid about the hostility in the house, I guess.
Mannequin twins await the girls at the first challenge. They come to life and introduce themselves as the famous twin models, Lawrence and Gregory Zarien, then give the girls the challenge of creating some fashionable looks for in-store displays…using themselves as mannequins and using the lessons they just got from Elite model Claudia Mason and Elite Model Management director, Cathy Gould.
Simonese with Chalk and Cheese
Simonese with Chalk and Cheese by Roxanne McDonald
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He predicts. He scoffs. He counters. And as always, he adds his analogies…which Ryan and others still don’t get. |
Lakisha does a dreamy delivery of “Let’s Dance,” and Simon says,
Love those boots. Great Lakisha, because now you’re 30 years younger this week. Nice to be doing up-tempo song…love the end. Great vocal. Great vocal.
Chris S. does indeed do a speedy, one-beat-ahead-of-the-band “Every Little Thing She Does [is Magic],” and Simon says,
Forget pockets, timing, whatever. I thought it was a mess. Let’s assume this was the first time I’d ever seen or heard you. It was a mess. It didn’t feel right. [The Idol music intrudes.] I haven’t finished yet. It’s not the Oscars!
Gina delivers a nice rendition of “I’ll Stand by You,” and Simon says,
Gina, it wasn’t one of your best performances…[pause]…. It was your best performance. This is all about knowing who you are, choosing the right song…. The transformation from a few weeks ago was literally like chalk and cheese. It was, well, the best performance [so far tonight]. That’s how good it was.
Sanjaya, complete with Road Warrior hairstyle, does a half-assed delivery of a tough and interesting “Bath Water,” and Simon says,
I presume there was no mirror in your dressing room, tonight. I don’t think it matters anymore what we say. I think you are in your own universe, and if people like you, good luck.
Haley gives us an unremarkable “True Colors,” and Simon says,
How do you think you did, Haley? [She answers.] Yeah, I think it was sweet, but forgettable, really. You’ll hear thousands and thousands of girls all over this country able to sing just like that. Too safe; and you’re going to have to do better than that. Sorry.
Phil brings a really original sound with “Every Breath You Take,” and Simon says, (read more…)
Mea Culpa to Acceptable TV
Mea Culpa to Acceptable TV by Roxanne McDonald
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Okay! Okay! I was a bit hasty in my future-of-TV paranoia and all that. And from what I understood then and know now, I admit my erroneous ways. In fact, I applaud this “Project Greenlight” “On the Lot” hybrid for being one of the funniest programming choices avaialable now, in a fairly bereft of humor prime time. |
But first, you have to give me some slack–for trying to get an idea of “Acceptable TV” based on two promos which did NOT do the show justice.
Next, I can see what they are considering “interactivity” is not all that different from the interactivity of Idol (where voters call in) or “America’s Funniest Home Videos” (where public sends stuff in). Then again, “Acceptable TV is a far, farrrrr cry from “America’s Funniest Videos”…for “Acceptable TV” (a name which also does not do it justice) is actually funny.
Very, laugh-out-loud funny. Hysterically funny.
In this understated Wayne’s World type living room sit the
creators and host, quietly chatting about the titles of the upcoming shows, sharing premises and puns and soliciting our votes and contributions.
Then the shows, one at a time, air. Each one is titled and numbered, and each one is crude, amateurish, funny, and fresh. Some are more character-driven. Others are more costume-heavy, but at least one (in this case, the first week, two) are so funny that even if you are a malcontent moping about your pad or a curmudgeon carping about the future of TV as a form of social control, you will laugh. Out loud. Even with no [thank God] laugh track or one else in the room to share in the prepare to catch the contagion of laughter thing that happens when more than one watches a comedy.
The five shows airing the first night were as follows:
See Ya Later Gyrators
See Ya Later Gyrators by Roxanne McDonald
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Already eliminations have begun, and already the sadness and flashbacks of sadness set in. |
Leeza expresses it for all of them when she says that they all want to be here in the end. And Mali Perl, over at Reality Shack (where some of my favorite TV writers huddle) expresses for all of us how sad it will be to lose someone hunky like Alec. Unfortunately, of course, it wouldn’t be a competition or much of a reality TV show if we didn’t have to say however sad a goodbye.
After performing the Mambo—which I can never help, when I hear the word, but think Beetlejuice and the music in my head—and the Quickstep, the pairs are rated, given scores by dance aficionados Len Carrie Ann and Bruno, but are also subject to the chance of elimination at the hands of quick-dialing (and opinionated) homefolk.
That’s the second running attitude, as noted by another celebrity (can’t remember which one), who says that it doesn’t matter how high your scores are, you could still be eliminated.
Apolo and Julianne had done what judges thought was a full, fresh, young and uplifting Quickstep, and had earned 26 points.
Shandi and Brian had danced a Mambo [hey, Mambo, Mabo Italiano, hey Mambo…. See what I’m sayin’?]. The judges found there wasn’t anything all that spectacular about it, what with their hips not moving as well as they could have—though Len liked it better. They were granted 20 points.
Clyde and Elena did a Quickstep, with Clyde so damned adorable in his efforts to be showy and elegant of presentation. The judges note how they have done much better than the previous week, and Clyde is coming to terms with the height thing. Still, they only racked up 18 points. Then again, they are a fan favorite….
Leeza and Tony danced the Mambo, getting mixed responses from the judges—with Carrie Ann saying that to laugh and have fun is what it’s all about (a nice way of saying, “Well at least you looked happy doing it…”); Len determining they were too cautious; and Bruno confirming or affirming how Leeza’s slutting it up would do the trick. They still received 21 points.
Ian and Cheryl deliver the Quickstep, making the audience and judges alike appreciate this duo as star-quality all the way: despite elbow problems, says Len, the three agree that these two are solid, really good all around. They are given 21 whole points.
Paulina and Alec Mamboed—and I still couldn’t help but think this couple simulates a very well-to-do woman and her gigolo. No disrespect, of course, for they had just as tough a time dancing and staying in the public’s favor as many other couples. And the judges are hard on them. Bruno uses his famous analogies, this time telling Paulina she had headed for Havana but only made it as far as Puerto Rico. Carrie Ann tries to be kind, but the patronizing comment about being impressive by going outside of her personal comfort zone could apply to all the celebrities who don’t really dance. Yet, they are not the lowest ranked for the night.
Where’s Josh Now?
Where’s Josh Now? by Roxanne McDonald
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Where is the winner of the cycle of “Last Comic Standing,” and what is he doing with his success? |
He earned standing ovation after standing ovation as well as title of “Last Comic Standing,” on August 9, 2006, taking the spotlight popularity from also hilarious Ty Barnett, who was runner-up, and Chris Porter, who placed third in the competition.
I followed his successful progress throughout the series, and now am wondering what he is doing as the “Last Comic Standing.” Here’s what I found:
(read more…)
Jenna Morasca Surviving Beautifully, Thank You
Jenna Morasca Surviving Beautifully, Thank You by Roxanne McDonald
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Since my cohort favors Jenna Morasca, Survivor 6 winner, I thought I’d do a follow-up to see what she is up to these days. |
Sure, you might say, anyone who wins a million bucks on Survivor [in this case, Survivor: The Amazon] should be doing just fine and dandy, so there would be no need to check up and make sure.
But, hey, look what happened with the first ever Survivor winner, Richard Hatch. He ended up [foolishly, for a lawyer] evading taxes on his winnings but not evading the IRs, who put him in prison for a year.
In fact, Jenna took over Hatch’s co-host gig with Dalton Ross on “Survivor Live,” the CBS Net talk show which recaps and discusses Survivor as it airs each season.
So, let’s start there.
Jenna co-hosted with Dalton through Survivor: Palau (season 10), Survivor: Guatemala (11), Survivor: Panama (12), and Survivor: Cook Islands (13)—and currently does “Survivor Live” for Survivor: Fiji. Besides speaking to the eliminated player of the week, responding to live call-ins, and hosting other guests, “all things Survivor,” the former Survivor winner offers “Jenna Morasca’s Big Question of the Week,” whereby she asks a provocative, general, final question to ponder or to respond to by way of the website or show’s switchboards.
Why Did Janice Dickinson Go Solo in the First Place?
Why Did Janice Dickinson Go Solo in the First Place? by Roxanne McDonald
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Is her abrasive attitude on “The Janice Dickinson Modeling Agency” any indication? Is her history of fights with ANTM professionals? Or is this kind of Simon Cowell of the modeling world really an expert with a hard edge no one gets? |
I got curious after Dickinson was seemingly abruptly replaced by Twiggy. I thought I could deduce from the appearance of her new show, “The Janice Dickinson Modeling Agency,” that she was just going solo for the sake of doing so. But I dug around in the bios and blurbs, and found some other personality factors that might have influenced the self-proclaimed first supermodel of the world to go it alone (though I have by no means solved my own mystery about why Janice left Top Model).
*As I noted above, Janice Dickinson has many times announced she is the world’s first supermodel. In fact, she has even taken credit for having coined the word, “supermodel” [in 1979, she said on one episode of ANTM].
*In 2003, Dickinson sat on the judges panel for the then new “America’s Next Top Model.”
Right from the start, she was exaggerated in her criticism, self-indulgent, and intransigent: she reportedly had an ongoing feud with fellow judge, Kimora Lee Simmons. In her scathing tell-all, Dickinson rehashes some of the spats, detailing how she would deride the woman’s “hideously long nails…,” calling her “Miss Thing,” and telling her to “ trim those hooker nails;” attack her hair weave as a “cheap fake fur they sell at Wal-Mart;” and hiss and growl about
how Simmons judged the ANTM hopefuls.
*In 2005, Dickinson joined the season five “The Surreal Life” cast, acting worse than Rob Van Winkle has acted on “Surreal Life Fame Games.” Save the breaking drum sets over people’s heads, Dickinson evidently acted volatile, erratic, and bellicose when it came to fellow houseguests like Omarosa (though who can fault Dickinson completely?)—referring to the equally dislikeable Omarosa as one of the “scars of current American society” and taking the return comments that she is a crackhead and a drunk with crappy maternal skills.
Two ongoing altercations do not a shrew make, but Dickinson would not appear in group efforts after that, save to include a team she runs with a Machiavellian thumb on her new show (2006), which showcases her modeling agency, with her as the star supermodel aficionado.
And if how she snipes and snaps at those green girls and boys who come with high hopes is any additional indication of her imperative to go it alone, I don’t know what else is.
Adorable or Apathetic, Consistency of Characters Keeps Us Coming Back
Adorable or Apathetic, Consistency of Characters Keeps Us Coming Back by Roxanne McDonald
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There was no need to fear the loss of Amanda, for she has made herself an every episode feature character, great comic relief amidst the other adorable brides and grooms. |
I had commented in my first discussion of “The Wedding Bells” that it would be a shame to have such a multidimensional character (a.k.a. round character) as Amanda Pontell (played by Missi Pyle) appear for her pre-wedding and wedding scenes, then disappear into the margins of the script, never to be enjoyed again.
But Amanda is baa-ack. First, she returned to of course litigate against the Bells for the gown on fire fiasco (which was really thanks to her coo-coo mother, played by the fabulous Delta Burke, who insists on having a flaming
cherries jubilee as a centerpiece at the reception). That covered episode two. Next, however, she returned to hang out and chit chat, which drove the women bonkers and impelled Jane to confront Amanda and tell her she needed to get a life.
So, next, what does Amanda do? She buys The Wedding Palace…or takes 51% of the shares.
So we will see more of the intrusive, obnoxious bridezilla of yore for many delightful episodes to come. [Yet records at IMDB, for example, show Amanda is in only 4 episodes... so I guess we can't get too cozy with her being a regular?]
Also returned are Dede Stoller, their first featured runaway bride; Dede returns to apologize, explain her anxiety disorder, and try again with the going through of what we know will turn out to be another intercepted interlocking of loves.
Amazing Race Advice and Admonitions
Amazing Race Advice and Admonitions by Roxanne McDonald
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Advice that aint about getting along, being helpful, or any of that gooey or groovy crap, now. |
The advice may be for the benefit of viewers at home. It may be directed toward partners on the teams. Or it may just be the motivating mantras that work to keep individual racers going.
What do you tell others or yourself to keep going strong?
You can start with the wonderful advancing team of Charla and Myrna (my favorites, usually), and with Myrna saying how “if you don’t take risks, how are you going to win?”
You can define your position, your status, and hope:
“When you’re marked at last place (penalty instead of elimination), means you must wait 30 minutes [and hope] not everyone comes in….” Joyce
You can go to extremes:
“[Spend the night at the airport.] You wanna be at the back of the line, or you wanna be inconvenienced? Let’s try to start racing smart: stop, look, and listen.” Ian
If someone else, a competitor, whines about wanting to go back home, you just tell em:
“Go back. What are you waiting for?” Charla
Know the thing to do:
“I say wait here. They’re just doing something to be doing something. Stand in line is the thing to do.” Ian
Egomaniacs Incorporated
Egomaniacs Incorporated by Roxanne McDonald
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Lots of odd bragging…and some not even justified or verified? |
The self-aggrandizing begins at Grommet’s Theatre, where Sir Donald Trump tells the remaining Apprentice hopefuls that he should have a star on the walk as he has the number one show on television. [Wha? From my research, “The Apprentice” is not even on top 100 lists….]
More plugs, this first one for Universal Studios (not that it needs a boost), as Trump announces how eight million come every year, as they “happen to have,” Trump adds, “a spectacular theme park.”
Oh, damn, let this greatest writer of all time back up: Trump had called Arrow, saying how Kinetic had been [again he uses the word, again incorrectly] “decimated” and Trump needs for James to send someone from Arrow over…to balance the numbers and all.
No one volunteers, so James uses a fairly sound reasoning, deciding that because he, Nicole, and Tim are all creative people, he should give up one of them. He chooses to eject Nicole, which of course sends a message, creates a ripple, a rift, an eventual problem—for as you know, Nicole and Tim were falling in love and a great dual contribution to the team, etc.
Nicole is so good, so competitive, and so likeable that it is hard to watch and listen to her vow she will make James and all of Arrow sorry….
Especially when the outcome of her promise is the opposite of what would have been sweet poetic justice and all that:
The challenge to sell Universal Studios passes using a new technology (called either Adwalker or Addwalker) has the teams in too close a proximity, sees Arrow tearing Kinetic customers away, admits defeat for Kinetic, who actually chase customers on roller skates while Arrow is purportedly stationary with a kiosk (though they sure do alot of moving toward potential customers—Kinetic’s potential customers).
Anyway, Kinetic pulls in 4,000+change, while Arrow scams some 30,000+ bucks.
Hey, Frank had warned us, what with his description of the team: “I mean come on, look at us. We’re strong, confident, A-team…[gonna] kick ass.”
And the braggadocio ensues: Arrow’s reward is a helicopter ride. But as Trump describes it, it is “one of the best helicopter charters anywhere;” and as Frank adds, it “wasn’t just any helicopter—it was one of the world’s largest…and Mr. Trump personally mapped out parts of Los Angeles he wanted us to see.” Wooo.
One More Trashing and One Last Trophy
One Last Existential Moment, One More Trashing, and One Last Trophy Make the B-listers Household Names, if Nothing Else by Roxanne McDonald
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One unlikely decision by Ron Jeremy plus more destructive outburst for miscreant Rob’s road make for one unexpected grand prize winner, permanent A-lister, Traci Bingham, and wrap up “Surreal Life Fame Games.” |
The grand finale of “Surreal Life Fame Games” remained true to the definition of the word “finale” as much as Rob remained consistent and true to his viewers’ anticipation of his fits.
The four finalists, Rob Van Winkle, a. k. a. Vanilla Ice, Traci Bingham, Pepa, and Ron Jeremy, are put to the final tasks:
A scripting promo for the number one sponsor of the show, GoldenPalace.net
Rob rewrites the whole thing, and delivers a speedy 31-second ad.
Traci just wears a GoldenPalace.net crop-top and acts really cute.
Pepa delivers a serious come-on, from a seated position.
Ron is also a sober salesman, adding, “…and it’s free!”
A focus group session
The host asks the group to determine which ad is most compelling:
About Rob’s ad—one says she always thought he was hot; another says he is modern, what with his tats and all. Rob’s delivery makes another want to seriously check out the Golden Palace for free lessons in poker, etc..
About Ron’s ad—the group laughs. They know he’s a porn star, one says; they know of his endowment, another adds. But another says he is sleazy, and still another admits to not hearing a word, being too busy looking at him and thinking about all of the above.
Traci’s ad performance—one guy is so riveted, all he can say when the clip is done is “I’m sold.” The host asks for associations, and one tester, unaware of what associations means, I guess, says she believed what Traci was saying. Another says the boobs were a major distraction, while a third or fourth guy says it didn’t matter what she was selling…. Uh-oh.
Pepa’s ad performance—they were pretty raw with Pepa, saying everything from how they didn’t believe her at all because she appeared to trying to act instead of “talking to us” to how she looked like she was trying to be sexy [just because she followed Traci?] and wasn’t sexy at all to someone saying, “I don’t know her; I didn’t know her; I don’t want to know her.”
Traci turns to Rob and asks what is up with his winning everything, and “Are you [even] human?”
More Mistaken Identities
More Mistaken Identities Makes for More Fun TV by Roxanne McDonald
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If one of the aims of “Identity” is to further branding and promotion for shows, so far the odds are not all that favorable. |
If one of the aims of “Identity” is to further branding and promotion for shows, so far the odds are not all that favorable.
The odds are against using recognition by a contestant as a way to increase viewership of any particular show, so if “Identity” producers have agreed to take on recognizables to advertise, promote, or enhance increase viewer numbers, the strategy may have backfired?
Okay, I understand that 1) being at home and being able to make all the right guesses or give all the best answers is a phenomenon that evaporates, evidently, the minute you step on stage of the actual game show; and 2) not everyone is as addicted to and consumed by
television— which in my case is on every minute I am conscious.
I have already spoken to how one player didn’t recognize Bruce Jenner; another had no idea who the celebrity stylist Jonathan Antin was. But the missed opportunities continued in the latest installment of Identity, when Craigslist creator, Craig Newmark was mistaken for “possibly” an undertaker’s apprentice, for instance, just get too depressing to watch.
Thank the lord for friends and family who are allowed to join in after a couple of rounds, for at least, for another example, the creator of Tae Bo, Billy Blanks, and the creator of Microsoft Word, Richard Brodie, were identified. [The support team knew Blanks; but they helped their friend i.d. Brodie by critical thinking/process of elimination, finding that he was the only one old enough to have created MS Word.]
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