P is for P—-

P is for P—- by Roxanne McDonald

Players, professionals, parolees, pushovers, and one “Whore of ‘Charm School’” make for some mighty fine 9th commandment lessons. Or not.

Commandment 9, “Unless Thou Can Play, Thou Wilt Be Played,” is a lesson about relationships, says Headmistress Mo. Poor Mo, little does she know that not only have few of the girls learned diddly, but one will carry her deluded self right back to day one of “Charm School.”

A very savvy Mr. Tariq King Flex Nasheed is introduced as a relationship expert and author of books on the subject, and Becky editorializes for us, saying how she believes Mr. TKN is a straight up pimp. Yes, Becksters, that was Mo’s

intention—to expose you to more of what you don’t need.

Well, actually, that is the challenge for the week: to be exposed (NOT to expose yourself, ladies…) to seven men. Now, one of those men is an “urban renaissance man.” The rest, well, they will turn out to be playahs, pros, and parolees, those very men who lure the unwitting with so many baby babys and trick them into doing all kinds of good TV stuff.

Whoever identifies the urban renaissance man will be safe from expulsion.

Brooke inadvertently gives us a nice little foreshadowing, asking hunky teacher if to discern who is who one might sleep with each and every one.

Becky toasts the parolee, a self-defined foreplay specialist.
Leilene dances with and then spends the rest of prom night talking with him. He is a fascinating man, as they had an “amazing” conversation AND played rock-paper-scissors!
Then Shay is talking with the parolee, thinking he is a player who is not even…, well, okay, she concedes, he is cute.

He must share that wealth, and so is now talking with Brooke, whom he has oh-so skillfully pulled away from “boring as hell” pushover.

Becky is chatting with and interviewing, kind of, a pushover who is a “mamma’s boy” and the parolee, too.

Now this might be uneventful for Mikki, Master Nasheed, and Mo, who are watching via closed-circuit TV, but leave it to Brooke to extend the very reason the “Charm School” concept was cultivated:

Brooke has called out how this rinky-dink little prom would be better in the nude; has done the Dirty Dancing thing, at one point as the creamy blonde filling for a parolee and a pushover sandwich; and is sucking on the ice fountain spout instead of…, well, instead of using a standard glass.

Mo is going nuts in the Principal’s quarters, saying that that dark liquor, when you drink it, it just magnifies who you really are—reminding me of my Native American ex who used to get all into the reservation vernacular when he drank and used to say how White Man gave them alcohol but didn’t teach them how to drink it.

The next morning, Brooke will use the other alcohol cliché, feigning loss of memory and saying, “I think he was hot. I hope he was hot. Was he hot?”

But before we leave the dance hall, we have to check in on Saaphyri. She aint about to be played. In fact, as soon as she sees the seven enter and get introduced, she is good ol angry Saaphyri again using that unique combination of foul language and sharp-eyed observation: these guys are all dogs, so she feels ripped off. But adding to her roiling wrath is how the parolee demeans all women (well, we knew that would be part of the deal, did we not?): Saaphyri shows

distaste, likely trying to keep a cap on that anger of hers, but the parolee makes it worse by asking if “Mz. Weave” is alright. Oh. Oh. That DOES it, you can see her thinking, of course, throwing out all eight weeks of Charm School etiquette lessons and all, and she asks him which ocean his [corn row beads] shells came from, and this starts a “game” of the dozens….

Ah, a perfect commentary on the evening overall, minus our usual cheery alternative Black girl narrator, Becky. She is just sitting, mouth agape, at the Brooke and Saaphyri shenanigans.

Time to pin the URM….

Leilene pins the professional (Owen), because he is the only one she talked to all night and because, well, he was, again, just so damned amazing.

Shay and Saaphyri pin a pushover named Brandon.

And Brooke and Becky pin another pushover, Tiante. [I know naming and names are important to many cultures, especially the African-American, but damned, girls, with the prefix of a feminine name, were there not any clues, there? I’m sorry, Tiante for a boy?]

Anyway, as is typical in real world bar/prom scenarios, no one ID’d the “nice guy”, the “boring” guy, Mark [or Marc], who if Krazy was still there would have been drooling over the fact that this guy is a writer, a producer, and—likely the reason, subconscious, that the girls avoid him: he treats ladies like ladies, etc. etc..

That means no one is safe…except that there is a fall-back plan: the girls will now take the responsibility (the strategy) to vote: BEST behaved and WORST behaved, or, as I think was explained, the girl who best represents and the girl who worst represents…which is kind of a throwback lesson—to Thou Shalt…Represent?

The girls of course offer rationale (defense), they also offer critiques of each other, and then they get to that street-smart negotiating…or bullying.

Becky reminds Leilene she hadn’t met with anyone other than the “deep” professional; Saaphyri tries to get Leilene to vote against Brooke; Brooke tries to get Leilene doing some voting thing that is so overwhelming and oversaturating in detail for Leilene that she has to try and go off by herself to plan it all out. Brooke is clearly nervous (what with reflection as blurry as it is), and tries to coerce or intimidate her, saying, “You can’t plan it out by yourself. You need numbers.”

There are only so many numbers to go around, and as they have smartly figured out, this isn’t going to be about rules but righteousness, etc., and they vote. Becky is voted BEST, and Brooke is voted WORST (after there is a tie of 2 to 2 and Leilene does the tie-breaker vote).

Brooke of course tries to disempower Leilene, shame her for dancing for rich men, and all those other nasty un-related remarks that Charm School should have a commandment for [maybe a lesson on Thou Shalt Fight Fairlee?].

Saaphyri is the one to annotate for us this time, saying Brooke called Leilene everything she could, back-stabbing fake-ass tramp-ass bitch, etc., and says to us she should ask, “What’s wrong with you, nipple girl?”

God I love Saaphyri as much as Becky for these sidebar dealies.

But Mo tops the name-calling game, under the guise of educational critique: after Saaphyri and Leilene, who have also been called on the carpet, get admonished by Keith and Mikki (that Leilene spent too much time on one man and should keep going forward, and Saaphyri faced her fear of intimacy but then lost it), Brooke is up for criticism. Mo says she behaved in sexually explicit ways. Keith says that as his mother used to say, “You can put as much lipstick on a pig as you want, but it’s not gonna make her a lady.” Brooke correctly interprets this, asking if Keith is calling her a pig.

Mo then adds that Brooke at the prom was acting the “whore of Charm School.” Brooke again reiterates what she interprets (as if she has had some therapy, maybe?), and refuses to accept being called a whore.

Mo softens it—to “whore-like,” but it’s too late. Brooke is done.

And it is really pitiful, cause in exit interview disclosure, Brooke is crying. But that, too, is too late….

Next week is a bunch of highlights we have never seen. I hate those stalling tactics—and want them to get on with the finales! No need to hype any more—whoever is going to be the viewing audience is set—and why re-cap before the show is even finished? I know, I know. It’s a filler episode, so the production team can go on vacation, or make up for missing content (since they jammed TWO commandments in the first week, for example)…, but get…on…with…it!

I want to see Becky take the grand prize. The Crown. The Teacher’s Pet Pin. Whoowhoo!

SirLinksAlot Charm School links

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