Amazing Race, Amazing Strengths

Amazing Race, Amazing Strengths by Roxanne McDonald

While a Road Block asks which of the partners is better at a particular task, all legs of the race call on skills of brains or brawn or bravado….

Even though we are only two weeks in to the new season of The Amazing Race, it is already clear that Rob and Amber have honed their skills and strategies (maybe thanks to that six month stint of poker?): they have come in first for both legs of the race, and have done so using good old sneaky Robs special tricks and requests for special treatment.

For instance, in episode two, the couple is getting tickets to Santiago. They talk the agent into giving them a special flight which arrives a half hour earlier, and then Rob begs her not to tell any other team about the earlier flight. She complies. Ahhh, that Boston charm. And. Well, Rob’s relentless efforts this time around to not necessarily put the fear or intimidation into fellow all-stars but keep them “preoccupied” by him and Amber just enough to throw them off focus and thus off their game.

But Rob and Amber aside, for now, the other teams have some strengths of their own that are keeping them in the running.

When Drew and Kevin get stuck in the mud flats of Lima, Kevin gets out of the vehicle, straps himself into a nylon harness and pulls the car out! [Unfortunately, Drew’s failing health and falling down land them in last place, but their teamwork is not to be discounted….]

Uchenna is also bringing a different kind of strength to the effort. This time, he says, while he wants Mrs. Right, he also acknowledges he has to be Mr. Right. I trust he intends to ease up on Joyce, not always having the last word and not pushing her to be more than he himself can be.

And despite how much I don’t care for them, or don’t care enough about them to watch them all that closely, I have to give it to the beauty queens, Dustin and Kandace. In the Road Block task, Dustin decides to be the one who is good at details. And she is. Very good. While it takes other teams up to what seems like the full hour, Dustin steps into the fake boardroom, looks at the letters placed about the room (on sleeves, lapels, pens, scratch pads, etc.), and then takes into account the photos in frames around the room. This is necessary to the task, though many others don’t get it until they see an opponent studying the pics, and Dustin figures out that of all the letters as clues, only one, the “Q” (or maybe the “H”, I can’t recall) is shared with one pic—of copper mines in Chuquicamata, and with this she is first to be passed through.
(read more…)

Boston Legal Fatties—Why Do We Not Dare be Like Them?

Boston Legal Fatties—Why Do We Not Dare be Like Them? by Roxanne McDonald

Why don’t we dare brave the seldom-visited territory where we are proud of our corpulence?

Do women dare take a chance and own with overt pride their sizeable girths, their Rubenesque thighs, their rotund derrieres? No, save the occasional Carrie Otis or Anna Nicole Smith (both of whom were not popular fatties, really, but “plus-sized,” rather).

Well, men dare—they honor their size; they boast and joke about it; they use it to take up space; and they make more of it.

On Boston Legal, for example, in the “Fat Burner” episode dealing with Denny Crane running a human fat as

alternative fuel business, Crane gets sued, Shore defends him, Crane makes up some smug stories, and they win. That evening, as they always do, the two best friends have their nightly cigars and drinks. Alan asks Denny why we don’t use alternative sources of energy. Denny shoots down the possibility that that the oil companies killed the electric car and other-fueled vehicles. Alan asks Denny what he thinks the best answer is, then. Denny points to his own fat gut, then points out how Alan is getting a few “ripples” of his own….
In response, Alan doesn’t get insulted or try to hide one fleshy pillow behind another of foam and cloth (the way you see actresses doing on set–for example, the way Julia Louis Dreyfus does on “Seinfeld” or as Leah Remini does on “King of Queens”). Instead, he suggests the two go for a big steak, baked potatoes, etc..

This scene is of course a play on Denny’s having been taken to court for owning/operating a human waste company which sells the fat to alternative fuel sources; and therefore, they reason, their adding to their own obesity is only “doing good” for the planet.

This is also poking fun at how the rare fat TV characters who are not on a sit-com are depicted as successful attorneys despite their corpulence.

And implicitly, this speaks to how very few fat actresses/characters are as successful. Let’s see, besides comediennes, there are only a countable few: Kamryn Manheim, Kathy Nijimy (before she lost weight), and Two and a Half Men’s Conchata Ferrell—who has won several prestigious awards and has a lead part on 2 ½ Men but who is on a comedy and is in the role of a housekeeper, not a big successful business person or lawyer or whathaveyou.

Go back in time and place to when and where absurdly long nails were a sign of status (signifying a man well off enough not to have to work, for instance), to when fat was revered for kings and princes, or to when fat was understood to be acceptable on men but never on women…. Now come back to today: what has changed, really?

And besides Fat is Beautiful coalitions and clubs, fat is still a man’s bragging right, while it is not for a woman. Look, specifically, if you wish, to the same Boston Legal show for an example: Delta Burke is on Boston Legal now (playing the part of Denny’s on-again off-again ex). On her first long-running series, Designing Women, she had to battle weight, weight issues, and weighty restrictions. On Boston Legal, not only has nothing come up about her weight as an issue for her as an actress, but you don’t see any scripting showcasing her size or aggrandizing her body image, etc..

How absurd that fat looks fine on men.
How silly that fat adds to the success of half the population—even if it is for men like James Spader/Allan Shore and William Shatner/Denny Crane..who are both exquisite features that Boston Legal could not be as great without but who were also both hotties in their pre-Boston Legal days…until they added fifty-plus pounds a piece.
How pitifully ridiculous that skinny to the bone is a more acceptable goal for the female of the species (and especially the female actor), when in fact fat has made her able to survive, reproduce, and give birth over a zillion years of evolutionary imperative that encouraged the fat for survival of all of humankind.

Time to re-think fat and fabulous fat stars.

Celeb Robot TV news, articles, pics, and video

Boston Legal—Do They Really Do That?

Boston Legal—Do They Really Do That? by Roxanne McDonald

Time to ask where reality begins and ends…and fails us.

In his Celebrity Robot article on the Howard K. Stern trials, Mike Liebner discusses his disappointment in our court systems, noting how it “saddened me to think our court systems were actually like this…[with] mealy-mouthed chicken legged critters for judges… [and] lawyers who were so ill prepared jumpbled and fumbled their words to get in questions that did not even belong in a hearing about where Anna Nicole Smith would be buried.”

In contrast, as I watch Boston Legal, I wonder whether American courtrooms and law firms feature such brilliance, such litigious repetition, or such pomposity and righteous indignation on a regular basis. That is, do they really do and say what the lawyers and judges do and say on Boston Legal?

Do lawyers sue each other as much as they do on BL?
Are there some judges who, like the judge played by the brilliantly versatile Howard Hesseman, do not sit behind a bench but hang out in a seat or stand leaning alongside it during a trial?

Do those in the profession get away with as much un-pc attitudes and sexual and other harassment—protocol sacrificed for sarcasm and sharp-tongued witticisms?

In the courtroom, when a witness is on the stand, do they really allow him or her to get away with talking on and on, uninterrupted by “Objection!”?

Can people like Denny Crane get away with lying/exaggerating [i.e., making up a story about a non-existent uncle] without the prosecuting attorney digging into the truth by way of research?

Does prosecution really make an objection, and the defense attorney stare him down (into silent submission, as Spader’s dominating Alan Crane does, for example)…as the presiding judge says nothing? This is the dead-pan we are addicted to.

And really stretching the verisimilitude question, I ask whether a law firm exists in Boston where none of the partners or associates or legal secretaries have a Bwoston accent? Are they all so refined, have they all left their childhood dialects behind, or do they turn the New England tongue off fpr the courtroom and offices then back on behind the scenes or back home at Christmas and Thanksgiving?

I know, I know, the nature of the show is such that things are exaggerated for the sake of comic effect, so the dingbat judge, for instance, may be more clueless than actual, real-time judges are. Then again, if you listen to Liebner, you might agree otherwise.

Survivors have much to be Proud Of

Survivors have much to be Proud Of by Roxanne McDonald

Both tribes have made advances they can, ostensibly, write home about.

First, I was wondering when somebody from Ravu would think of using magnifying lenses to start a fire! Two pairs of glasses, which are rare on Survivor, if you think about it, and which is what caught my eye the first week, leading me to the idea of having a ready-made fire-starter kit. No, really, I swear to gods and goddesses I was thinking it, though can I prove my brilliance as I play the game from the comforts of a clean and cozy home with a real roof, all kinds of luxuries, and all kinds of fire? Did anyone else think this as you were watching?

Anyway, brava, Michelle!

Next, when Gary takes the fall during the greasy running track challenge, he feels the after-effects: he cannot get a full, deep breath, he says, and may have a cracked rib. The tribe swiftly calls for the medics, at his request. But rather than immediately rub their hands together—mwoohaaa–to plot to pick him off as the weakest member of the tribe, or interview that they are grateful to have even less competition—neener, neener (something somebody like Cici from “Beauty and the Geek” would think of and have no qualms about admitting out loud), they are sensitive to his suffering.
Cassandra comes to the edge of crying, as she tells us how fearful she is he will die and how empathetic she is to his disorientation (Gary telling medics he was disoriented, didn’t know who or where he was for a minute there). And Alex as a kind of spokesperson for the tribe tells us how the Motoans are respectful of Gary and of how they wish him nothing but well in their prayers.
(read more…)

Top Design Look with a Trading Spaces Feel

Top Design Look with a Trading Spaces Feel by Roxanne McDonald

Episode 4 has the remaining eight scouring sale bins at garage sales for their college student clients.

Maybe interior design novices typically root through used stuff for kitschy or eclectic. Maybe $500 is a realistic amount of money for a college dorm room or rental re-do. Maybe Top Design creators thought of it all on their own.

Or maybe Trading Spaces set a good precedent and the people who set up the Top Design decided it would truly be a “challenge”.

Whatever. I just couldn’t get the reality show that pioneered the let’s turn other people’s outside trash into our inside treasures out of my mind as Ryan resentfully rooted and Felicia foolishly floundered.

Yep. Ryan, whom I think is one of the best minds in the line-up, is getting even pissier, all the while creating these amazing pieces and sets that they just, he moans, “don’t get.”Felicia gets so fixated on frumpy additions to otherwise clean and classy rooms she designs that her aim shoots and misses the shabby chic look and lands on dead granny land.

Then there’s the contestant who takes every challenge, every command as a most serious opportunity to experiment in the most intelligent and unique of ways and to do so with a friendly humility that elicits a giggle from the garage sale owner and a look of approval from the judges:

Goil (as in gargoyle, he reminds everyone he meets) does it again with a one-of-a-kind concept—a college space that has chairs that ride along ledges, their front legs standard length but their back legs sawed off to rest atop the built-in bed and around the multi-use table. The only thing that keeps him from being Top Designer this week is his recessed mattress in that built-in bed, which one judge (I can’t recall which) notes would be a shin-bruiser.

There’s also the designer I have pegged as one who will be standing at the finale: Erik. This week he successfully keeps to the ridiculous budget and meets his client’s needs/desires for industrial/contempo design. His steel or aluminum and clean lines make for a smart set.

But there is also the surprise success this week: though she brings in the client-requested orange and though she uses that sometimes-hideous Exorcist green, she has successfully made use of space, delivered balance, and used the 500 bucks well. Brava, Carisa, for your first Bravo Trading Spaces…I mean Top Design…win.

*Addendum: Just read on Todd Oldham’s blog how it was his idea to do the garage sale challenge, as he was looking to go outside the “safety net of good choices and fine taste that the Pacific Design Center offer[s]”.

Hey, that makes sense, especially for creative minds and even for those of us who have by default decorated our homes in chabby chic–by way of garage sales and flea markets–for lack of “finer” resources…or cash.

Still a most compelling show.

SirLinksAlot Top Design links

New FX Show Promises Rich TV-Viewing Experience

New FX Show Promises Rich TV-Viewing Experience by Roxanne McDonald

Just seeing the teasers tells us “The Riches” looks like it will be a great show—maybe even somewhere in the pop range of “Nip/Tuck”, “Dexter” [HBO], and “Dirt”.

It has been so difficult going through withdrawals from the ending of “Nip/Tuck”, a most addictive FX TV drama by the brilliant Ryan White. But “The Riches” might just make it up to us.

For starters, the cast is spectacular: take one Eddie Izzard, with the Tim Curry meets edgy and dark, and add one Minnie Driver, with a Southern Floridian accent and a sultry but spoiled attitude, and you have the makings of a Molloy [turned Rich] family dynamic that will blow “The Osbournes” or “Six Feet Under” off the airwaves.

Well, hopefully not, but this “family” of predators, who initially move into a dead man’s life—a rich dead man’s home, taking over his surname and identity—will grift their way through our entertainment hours in a way unlike any other reality or dark comedy has in quite some time.
Another telling element is the music: while I have yet to identify the soundtrack (and composers) on the previews, the tone and tenor point to a kind of Twin Peaks/David Lynch mood which is, if you are a Lynch fan, of the blackest of black comedy sound.

And so the premise offers absurd, comi-drama, dark comedy enthusiasts a bastardized nouveau riche couple who are much like an old-time Clampetts and Dick and Jane Harper composite; three kids who have got to me more screwed up than a shrink’s kids; and a storyline, dialogue, and dramatic action that promise to elicit some sick-ass chuckling.

At least, as I watch Driver as Dahlia Molloy/Cherien Rich settle in to her new digs, as she justifies her con artistry and as she stands in front of a wall-length mirror popping the cork on a bottle of Nyquil…hey, I am chuckling already.

I am intrigued.

And I would wager that any FX fans, anyone who digs the direction of Carl Franklin (who did “Devil in a Blue Dress” and “Out of Time”), and/or anyone who tends toward intelligent, richly-layered, and droll text/context as screenwriter Dmitry Lipkin will deliver it are interested as well.

Simonese for the Girls

Simonese for the Girls by Roxanne McDonald

Consider the Idol criteria as told to the 12 competing girls—through Simon Cowell.

To understand the givens and the pre-requisites, look to Simon Cowell, who despite his tight critiques is guiding with key criteria for the contestants.

If you watched on Tuesday night (and how could you not, if you are an Idol follower), you caught wind of numerous characteristics and qualities the judges and Idol producers are looking for. You heard the helpful commentaries of Randy and Paula and likely heard what should be considered buzz words for success from Simon.

For example, you heard at least five times the word “unique”. You heard prompting words like “risks” and “charm”. You heard how the contestants need to be careful of using a song so well known or one by someone who is untouchable…that they then have to be very good to get away with copying (or risk being pigeonholed as a lounge singer, a dad at a wedding, or a karaoke bar participant).
In this respect, such criteria would tell us someone like Blake Lewis—original, versatile, charismatic, good–is going to go far…on the guys’ side.

How about on the girls’ side? What were the operative characteristics and qualities Simon pointed out were present or absent?

Here are tonight’s Simonisms for the twelve females performing live–and with musical accompaniment and back-up–for the first time:

Once Stephanie Edwards delivered in grand style “How Come You Don’t Call Me Anymore?”:
You were a million times better than any performance we saw last night; it was by far better than any performance [we’ve had from you] so far; and most importantly, it looks like you came out and said, “I want to win American Idol,” and that’s what it’s all about.

After Amy Krebs delivered an affected and off-key rendition of “I Can’t Make You Love Me”:
When I said that I’m not going to remember you…I still can’t remember you. You’re like a candle. There’s nothing to remember. You have nothing that makes you stand out. I think it’s going to be difficult…even what you’re wearing, your hair…is forgettable.

After Leslie Hunt delivers a sultry, sassy version of “Natural Woman”:
It wasn’t great. You’re a very nice girl; and you’re a dog walker…and I mention that because you look ungainly—out of your comfort zone, embarrassed, as if you don’t want to be here.

Once Sabrina Sloan wrapped her bluesy sound around “I Never Loved a Man the Way I Love You”:
You know…cause we do take a lot of stick for criticizing at this point in the competition…you do show a difference between taking part and standing out [really wanting to win]. Probably the best one I’ve seen so far.

(read more…)

The Wedding Bells Chime in March, and Likely to the Tune of Great TV

The Wedding Bells Chime in March, and Likely to the Tune of Great TV by Roxanne McDonald

If the promos are any indication, “The Wedding Bells” will be a “Desperate Housewives” meets “Bridezillas”…and better.

Sometimes with movie and television show previews, you get all the choice moments of the work in the teaser, so you feel like you have already seen it or are sorely disappointed when the show premieres and the only quality clips are those you already saw. You know what I mean.

Hopefully this is not the case with “The Wedding Bells” —where in one preview clip a bride to be is getting lectured on the logistics of wedding and through strained throat and gritted teeth snaps, “Shuuuut up…”

or where in another more recent clip an older kind of dowdy woman is insisting the young bridal ceremony guest (I assume also one of the wedding planners) dance with her. Though she resists, she is next seen doing the bunny hop.
The premise of the show is reportedly how sisters Bell (Jane, Sammy, and Annie) inherit and successfully run a wedding planning business but how they are not so successful when it comes to running their own lives. Cast in the lead roles are Teri Polo (Meet the Fockers, Full of It, I’m with Her), Sarah Jones (Huff, “Ugly Betty”), and KaDee Strickland (Walker Payne, Fever Pitch), who have clearly earned their thespian ways to the likely smash hit.

There’s a consistent airing of previews, but there are very few reports on the premiering of “The Wedding Bells”—besides the date, station, and note that it is a David E. Kelly production. Oh, okay. From “Doogie Howser” to “Boston Legal” to “Ally McBeal,” and beyond…we likely have another winning production.

Work Out2 is Wearing on Us Already

Work Out2 is Wearing on Us Already by Roxanne McDonald

Could it be because it is way done, overdone, overplayed, played out? Or could it be because, ugh, Mimi has still not been told to hit the highway of exes who deserved to be dumped?

Many of us were getting quite fed up with Jackie not being able to (or not wanting to) let go of that brat, Mimi. I mean, the woman bites, she hurls cocktail glasses across crowded bars (and into mirrored walls), she gets so jealous when Jackie has a shot at growth (personal and professional) that she is the opposite of supportive and proud, and she consistently pulls this passive-aggressive crap that is not even exciting/entertaining to watch. It’s not absurd, ironic, or funny. It is just draining.

I don’t know about you, but I likes me my reality TV. I love it. But Work Out is so not interesting enough with Mimi still sniffing and sniveling about.

Now, what would be really sweet TV would be for Jackie to keep going on dates—as she did in a previous episode of “Work Out”—if she continued to explore the possibilities with other hotties. Yes, Mimi is hot, but her personality is so not.

Granted, most of us have suffered the experience of a bad relationship, and those of us who have been co-dependents know how terribly hard it is to tear ourselves from it no matter how miserable it gets. But making it into good TV is not working out….

If the show is produced and aired ideally to showcase the success of Warner’s business, Sky Sport & Spa, an “exclusive” Beverly Hills health improvement and maintenance venue, then all the show does now—with haggard altercations with tired Mimi and her equally exhausting antics (even for viewers)—is give testament to Jackie’s inability to focus on truly healthy efforts.
SirLinksAlot Work Out links

We Know what We Like, and Select American Idols are at the Top of the List

We Know what We Like, and Select American Idols are at the Top of the List

American Idol is the number one show in the nation. And we viewers make it so, holding the power of choice as we do. But how do you determine what or who you like? I use one simple test.

The business connections’ efforts to do repeated re-dialing (now a thing of the past) and the teeny-bopper votes aside (hopefully also long gone with Carrie Ughderwood), the American Idol of choice—who should go on, who should get out, who should win–appeals to us in the simplest of ways. At least, that’s how I see it.

I have one simple criterion that I rely on for every single episode of American Idol: no matter what I am doing, if not focusing directly on the TV set, I know “good” singing by one visceral response. I get goose bumps. I can be looking at the computer monitor, reading a book, or watching the guy contestant’s slick moves or gal

contestant’s over- exaggerated attempts to be unnecessarily sexy…. The minute he or she goes into a perfect pitch, a furious falsetto, or a sustained range of low to high notes, and I get that shudder, that all-over trilling of the tiniest of hairs on nape of neck or arms, I know we have a winner…or at least a contender for the top spots.
Last night (Tuesday, February 20th), I got it only a couple of times. But I know they were nervous, they were testing the situation, the site, the stage. I also know, because I respond the way many do, that what works for me on American Idol is what works for those who know music, love music, and respect the efforts and ideal goals of the likes of Idol hopefuls.

My bets are on these guys, then:

Chris Sligh is still my favorite, as I love his approach and trust his intentions to rock, defend rock, and make rock his own and ours.

If he can get past nerves and being forced to conform, Sundance Head is going to kick some ass: he has a soulful voice (when not affected by crowds and pressures) and has a keen musical sensibility—I mean, who else would think of and then actually get away with “Nights in White Satin”?
(read more…)

Sorry to be So Negative: Simonisms for the New Idol Season

Sorry to be So Negative: Simonisms for the New Idol Season by Roxanne McDonald

So we may not like it, but Simon’s critiques are the rudders that guide the performances, really. Even the new Idol contestants concede to this fact.

Well, Chris Sligh was the only one with the guts to have a comeback, but other singers thanked Simon for his however scathing criticisms. Simon Cowell knows the business, knows what he is talking about, and brings the truth to the most crucial of American Idol stages.

In fact, you could listen to just Simon Cowell’s critiques and for the most part know which performer has sustainability, which needs to do what to stay in the competition, and which are going to be the first to go. (Yes, granted, the judges comments may or may not sway the voting audience, but my point is that on Simon’s commentaries alone we can get an idea of what makes for Idol quality performing.)

Consider installment six of the best of Simonese, as it followed each of the twelve male singers on Tuesday night:
After Rudy Cardenas sings a dynamic but too ordinary version of “Free Ride”:
What you said on your clip about me not liking you…my reason is proven tonight. At this stage, we’re looking for somebody who is unique and I think that [performance] is just going to get lost in the mix.

After Brandon Rogers does a cute but just okay rendition of “Rock with You”:
You’re a very good singer, [but] it was just a safe and predictable song to do. You’ve got to come out and make an impact; you’re better than that.

After Sundance Head performs the a kind of hokey version of the eerily memorable classic, “Nights in White Satin”:
You’ve gone right off since we first saw you…. Tonight, you were like Dad at a wedding—very old fashioned, very uninspiring. The whole thing has gone flat. You’ve lost what you came in with and I’m sorry but I don’t like you tonight.

When Paul Kim finishes performing a kind of mish-mashed “Careless Whisper”:
I would suggest you put your shoes on next week…. It’s too much…on a whim. It’s a singing competition. I just thought it was a very ordinary copy of George Michael. If you’re going to copy, you have to be very good…. You’ve got to come out here and wow and you’re not wowing.

When Chris Richardson finishes doing a charismatic rendition of “I Don’t Wanna Be”:
I’m sorry to sound negative tonight…. I really, really liked you [at first auditions]. We saw a clip of your first audition and you sounded very soulful. In this song, you sounded very small. But I like you; the girls are gonna like you; you’re going to get a lot of votes. [Still], I’m judging it on the vocals: I thought it was below standard.

(read more…)

Julie Crack Crude and She Don’t Care

Julie Crack Crude and She Don’t Care by Roxanne McDonald

A cornered amoeba cannot escape by flying.~from an old science text

I’m still thinking about how nasty she was, how deluded she was, and how she made too miraculous a turnaround.

I have an ex who went coo-coo on me a couple of days ago, and his deluded ideas, perceptions, and interpretations of reality were so erroneous that I was reminded of Julie Chase:

~Last night at the party, Pepper set me up to look like a monster.
Unless you are a Wittgensteinian duckrabbit and Pepper is insisting you are just the duck or just the rabbit, dear (and I do not expect you to get the reference) Pepper could not “make” you look like anything other than what you portrayed yourself to be.

~I don’t give a rat’s ass about Pepper. She’s just screwed up her impression of me so badly.
So have the millions of viewers, too, then?

Then, suddenly, she starts doing a 360:

~I’m so afraid my family will will see normal people are nice…and I’m a monster.
Aha. You get it. But why now? So soon? Even crazy Christian Marguerite had to watch the episodes of herself on TV before she got her epiphany.

In an attempt to fly, the cornered ameoba, Mrs. Chase, writes to a Make Me Watch TV board with the disclaimer that we have to know that Trading Spouses is “very edited”. Oh, puh-lease.

It does not matter, JC, how edited it is (unless they actually morphed words into your mouth): you said what you said, repeatedly. And you had the most hateful look on your face almost every time.

My ex, when we were, unfortunately, together, would shoot dope and then come home (some twenty hours later), and with his short-sleeved arms held in protest, would cry out, “Babe, I swear to God I didn’t use.”

Uh-huh. You, Julie, and my sad sorry ex, should hear what a wise old southerner once said when she was being lied to: “Feed me s—t and call it peanut butter? I think not.”
SirLinksAlot Trading Spouses links

Celebs Remind Us Surreal Life is Just a Game

Celebs Remind Us Surreal Life is Just a Game by Roxanne McDonald

While he typically takes life in the house the most seriously, Vern Troyer reminds everyone that Surreal Life Fame Games are just that. Emmanuel Lewis then confirms the fact, saying friendship is all that matters.

During a bizarre dinner with the celebs wearing sombreros, the A- and B-listers get to ask each other kind of Truth or Dare without the Dare questions. The bigger issues are who has what or whom as a thorn in his or her side. Manny’s thorn, for example, is a “troubled B List”. Many are stuck by Ron’s relentless jokes. Vern’s thorn for the week is Rob and his dramatics. And his not paying attention to others. As Vern says, Rob must be going deaf, cause he won’t listen. Vern gets disgusted early and goes to bed.

A new challenge has both teams trying to collect as many non-hookers into their VIP lounges as possible. All the women in the challenge have been told to lie (if they are hookers, that is).

After the A List has only two hookers in fifteen women they have invited, to the B List’s four hookers, the outcome points to another B-Lister going home.

Rob passes word (or rumors) that somebody is going to “throw” the game, and that Manny is “manipulating” people somehow, and Vern, who has been approached by Rob, says he is confused. We all are, Vern.
Rob then says he just doesn’t want Vern to “throw” the game. But once the Back to Reality challenge reveals that Chyna can identify all three of three pieces of real versus fake jewelry, and Vern and Manny cannot spot one single piece correctly, the face-off sees Manny packing his bags. This is when the stoic but loving Vern Troyer reminds Tracy or Pepa (I can’t remember, already) that after all, this is “just a game.”

Manny holds no grudges either, and in the room where he is packing he too says the game is just that. He adds, “Vern and I are good friends…. We’re cool. [Our friendship] is what matters”…and that he and Vern are good friends and will be when this is all over.

God let it be over soon.

SirLinksAlot Surreal Life links

Amazing Race All-Stars: Not Just Campy Competition

Amazing Race All-Stars: Not Just Campy Competition by Roxanne McDonald

The Amazing Race All-Stars brings back the best of the boldest, bawdiest…and funniest, making for a great viewing experience this time around.

I’m sure we each have our favorite team. Or we have bets down already on the surest to take the final prize. Some see Rob and Amber as the fiercest players; others are aware of how Uchenna and Joyce made it through to first once already. But besides sitting at the edge of the couch to root for the hoped-for 1st placers, we also get some substantial dialogue with this new season of “The Amazing Race”—the Emmy award-winning reality show that is packed with heart-pumping action and heart-rending mishap.

This year, one of the most engaging elements is the humor. [Unless they are always at their best and wittiest on day one of the race and I just forgot that….]
Here are the players (including the losers of episode one) and a few of their endearing or delightfully witty remarks:

John Vito and Jill—cute couple; he quips that they will do well “as long as she realizes [he’s] in charge.” He also tries to cheer her up during the final leg of the first race, telling her, “Just think of how many times last time we thought we were in last place and weren’t.” Oops. Sadly enough, they were this time. They are the first team to be eliminated.

Oswald and Danny—one of the funniest of couples. Between them, they have already made allusions to going through menopause; have commented that though they fought for years, as best friends they are now husband and husband; and have told us that yes, they are aware of Rob and Amber, for they do, after all, live on this planet….

Rob and Amber—A team I thought I would again be rooting for to win, but I am thinking of other favorites who need the money more, really. Still, Rob has stepped aside at one moment, letting a team onto the train/bus first since they were there first, and responds that he has offered his first kind gesture—one which killed him to make. Last time (on season 7), they came in second. This time, they add, they have a “whole new bag of tricks.” They must have played a couple from that bag, for Rob and Amber came in first at the first final destination point.

Eric and Danielle—We may not be familiar with this couple, for they were separate players before: in season 9, Eric ran with Jeremy and came in 2nd place; and Danielle played with Dani on an opposing team, and came in 7th. Now they are lovers—thanks to the show. Danielle says when she first met Eric she thought, “Alright, he’s a Casanova.” But then she soon realized he is a “gentleman” of the sort they don’t get often in New York.

Kevin and Drew—these two have got to be an audience favorite. They are sarcastic as hell, and to me that translates as funnnneeee. Let see, they said that as season 1’s fourth place players, on individual legs of the race they have gone from worst to first and can do it again. Also, they have a banter going on that if it doesn’t turn into buddy bashing will continually entertain us. For example, one says, “Peru is nice.” The other snaps back, “I’m sure it’s nice in Peru; we’re in Ecuador.”

Charla and Mirna—These two were the darlings of season 5, to me anyway, went on to appear in all kinds of shows and events, and are back again to win our hearts…and first place, which they assert right off they are “gonna win this time!”

Teri and Ian—These guys have the years and the accompanying wisdom—of resilience, for starters. Referring to their performance in season 3, where they finished in second place, they describe that experience in context: “By less than two minutes, we were kicking but out there…. Yes, we bickered, but that’s who we are.” During the first run this time around, Teri asks Ian how he liked that last chase, and he likens it to “chasing drug dealers in the eighties again”…which gave and gives him the rush he loves.

(read more…)

Apprentices Admonished, “Don’t Lie!”

Apprentices Admonished, “Don’t Lie!” by Roxanne McDonald

Surya’s right. Have they learned nothing from Omagrossa?

“The Apprentice” opens with Surya very obviously agitated. And who wouldn’t be? They “threw him under the bus,” as Big Brother housemates would say. They attempted to “bury” him, as Trump would suggest.

So Surya lectures them, wise old businessman that he is: “Don’t lie. We all have jobs to go back to. We have reputations. Just don’t lie.”

Besides calling them on their inappropriate behaviors and attitudes, Surya announces that he may as well be the PM for the next challenge. Good for him. He gets it, now.
Meanwhile, Aimee is still not getting it, one of her teammates says, though Aimee continues to insist “professional, professional, professional,” and as her only assertion, another teammate says, is over a pink octopus.

Back at Arrow, Surya’s still working toward thinking outside the box and cohesive processing of tasks, while his teammates are spending valuable brainstorming/rallying time drawing caricatures of their esteemed (or just steamed) leader. Idiots.

Despite their disrespect and distractions, they win, leaving room for Kinetic to let the fur fly over and around the almighty Aimee. Though Donald Trump has gotten wise, too, to their ways of waiting till they lose to trash their PM: before we find out who won the Priceline.com task, he asks each group what they think of their current leaders. Kinetic doesn’t peep a peep. Once they find out they are losers, to the tune of one player whining about having to leave the mansion, they go off.

And Mz. Aimee is iRATE. She does some really nasty head butting of the air action toward two of her now former teammates, who have for some reason escorted her to the bye-bye limo. But she doesn’t mention octopi or how she kind of just strolled around during the challenge, looking all officious but empty-headed.

No lies this week, but no great loss either.
SirLinksAlot Apprentice Links

New York Pretty Damned Impressed, but Not All That Impressive

New York Pretty Damned Impressed, but Not All That Impressive

Boston goes into the ring—literally—with Chance, and gets what he deserves.

First off, what the hell are they doing encouraging violence? The basketball competition was one thing, but put a white MBA in with a street-savvy hood, wrap gloves on them, and ring a bell…. Sigh.

But you know what? New York was impressed and Boston really wins. He got his head bashed in by Chance; his nose was bleeding profusely; and Chance was in the background still shadow boxing with a major —-eating grin on his face. However, Boston makes the right hit when he says that New York will likely feel sorry for him and will not send him home tonight.

Besides that, Chance has been getting more ornery as the minutes pass in the mansion, while Boston has has the opportunity to show New York a lovely and sexy time on a one-on-one date.
Remember, she already had a special thing for Boston; she already liked the way he kissed (which they did a lot more of on this most recent date); and she tells her mom in the deliberation room that she loves Boston.

Chance, however, is going down for the count. He bashed Boston physically, has verbally bashed the others, even indirectly insulted his brother, and has so often pushed Mom (er, Sister Patterson) the wrong way that she tells New York right before Elimination Time that Chance has got to go.

Oops. Wait. Here they are. Final six. Elimination room. Will the I Love New York bling be the welter-weight belt Boston dreams of and deserves? Or will it be the foul representation of a foul acting and foul-mouthed victor over the elimination ceremony loser? Tango and others seeing Chance will be going home. Mom glaring. New York assigning the first gaudy bling to 12-Pak. The next to Real. (Mom feigning pitter-pattering heart at this point.) The next to the “cool guy”, Whiteboy. And Tango gets his, too.

(read more…)

Identify with the King, His Wife, or His Friends

Identify with the King, His Wife, or His Friends by Roxanne McDonald

We can relate to the characters and their misadventures: that’s what makes “King of Queens” so funny and an audience favorite.

Consider the “King of Queens” episodes audiences name as our favorites:

The couple’s troubles…

Despite how both are kept awake at night by the barking, Doug allows himself to be suckered into walking the neighbor’s dog—behind Carrie’s back, of course. “Doug Days”

When Doug lands in the hospital, as he comes out of surgery and is still in the anesthesia fog, he mutters a number of female names. Carrie decides to control what fantasies he’s allowed to have—including any where she is not dead, as Doug originally has to fantasize.

When at a company function Doug can’t remember one of Carrie’s colleague’s names, he fakes a heart attack.

Carrie shoves Doug, who falls down the stairs and breaks his leg. Since she is so contrite and all doting, Doug milks the situation…though once he is healed (unbeknownst to Carrie), he joins his buds in trampoline basketball…where he is of course caught by Carrie.
At Carrie’s insistence, Doug does a command performance appearance at Carrie’s boss’s cultured affair, but he hasn’t eaten all day: he rifles the kitchen (that the boss never uses) and finds some eggs which he scarfs down raw. The eggs turn out to be rotten, and Doug ends up having to get sick…behind the Kabuki screen and in front of all the guests. “Hungry Man”

Doug brings home a motorcycle, despite how Carrie has forbid him to do so, for fear he will die. To pay him back, she starts smoking in an exaggerated that’ll teach him for making her worry kind of revenge…. “Queasy Rider”

Doug and Carrie get lost in the woods on vacation. They of course fight and go their separate ways to find a way out. Between the fear of the “square-shaped bird” (an owl) and his Rambo roving (which he breaks down as a savage for—twenty minutes into his fretful wandering), juxtaposed with Carrie’s finding the road and a diner, this one is a classic.

Single Deacon and Doug and Carrie go golfing with a fourth they meet in a restaurant. Carrie gets stuck with the laughing woman who makes the fourth in their favorite foursome only never laughs at anything Carrie says while roaring over every single thing Deacon and Doug say.

The best friend couples visit apple country, where Deacon and Kelly “get it on” often and much to the dismay of Doug and Carrie, who do it once. “Get Away”

Doug becomes enamored by Spence’s girlfriend’s cooking. Carrie gets jealous. Fans love Arthur’s role in this episode, wherein he talks about having never seen The Wizard of Oz but noting how, he says, “I heard it has midgets in it…and that spells funny.” Arthur is also in on the cooking issue, and when Carrie has a dinner party and Spence’s girl brings salad—despite Carrie insisting she not—Arthur chastises Doug, telling him, “Your wife has made you a salad with love; eat it, you ungrateful bastard!” “Food Fight”

One of my favorites, too, in one episode Doug has bluffed his IPS boss and ended up having to quit to save face. He lands a job as a bike courier, and on his route he runs into wife, Carrie, who has been doing a tanning regime that is way too overdone.

Doug and Arthur discover that Carrie is way nicer when she’s had a few, so every night they have drinks waiting for her when she comes home. “Lush Life”

Carrie befriends a gay guy at work, who becomes what Doug identifies as her “work wife.” So Doug gets a work wife, too, only it’s Deacon, who is none too happy with the moniker and who retorts, “If anyone is the wife, it’s you.” “Business Affairs”

Another episode I adore is the Thanksgiving episode, wherein Carrie is the only one afraid this strange guy with the eye patch (“patchy”) waiting for his bro to pick him up will rob or hurt them…. And, of course, he does.

The boys’ foibles…

Fatty McButterPants reappears in many forms, as Doug is often trying to diet, trying to squelch his love affair with food.

Doug does the stripper pole act.

Doug and Deacon haggle and argue over Mentalo—which Doug loved as a kid and Deacon claims to have yearned for. When Carrie gives Doug Mentalo for Xmas it is a cheap knock-off that frustrates Doug even more:
Doug: This is Mental-Man!
Carrie: So? What’s the difference?
Doug: Fez, Turban! Do you not know the difference, woman?! (Thanks to IMDB bb fans of “King of Queens” for this direct quote.) “Mentalo Case”

Doug doesn’t want to be a foursome with a couple Carrie has befriended, so he pulls all kinds of obnoxious to discourage them from staying: he pulls up his shirt and makes his belly talk, etc..

When Carrie has to work nights, Doug needs Arthur in bed with him so he can fall asleep. He wines and dines his father-in-law and lures him with special TV shows and movies. “Arthur, Spooner”

When the lawyers at Carrie’s workplace mistake Doug for a lawyer, too, he goes along with it. “Affidavit Justice”

Doug has his former football teammates over, and has a hard time when they mis-remember who made the winning TD—which they attribute to a guy who is now in a wheelchair. “Block Buster”

To sneak with Ray Romano and watch a game, Doug has to adjust some cables in the attic. But he gets stuck in the trap door, and has to have buddy Richie and others rescue him. “Dire Strayts”

Jealous that Arthur gets what he asks for, Doug figures out a way to get Arthur talking about his past and coming around to related foods, whichever food Doug wants that night. He then convinces Arthur to force Carrie to make or get that food for them that night.

A running favorite is the three-part episode with Doug and Deacon having been laid off and Arthur joining them for gambling (betting on a See ‘n Say sound), pranking, and street-roaming, kids in tow. (The photo on this page is a still from this episode.) “The Strike-out Trilogy”

And my favorite in this category is the episode set on Valentine’s Day, when Deacon and Doug have to transport penguins in a refrigerated truck. The guys lock themselves in the refrigerated part. Doug discovers the sign on the inside of the door (which none of us would see until we had entered, closed the door, and turned around—which of course we wouldn’t do until it was time to leave, duh). The sign reads that one should have the door key at all times as the door automatically locks from the inside and yells, “Mother of ASS!” My absolute all-time favorite Dougism.

The females’ frustrations…

Carrie is assigned, on top of her usual duties at the firm, babysitting for Mr. Kaplan’s grandson. The toddler has a penchant for breasts, and consistently grabs at Carrie’s “toys”. “Mammary Lane”

Carrie discovers she is pregnant, and before she can tell Doug, she has some time to imagine…a full-sized Doug as her baby. “Pregnant Pause I”

Carrie gets stuck with a new friend, played by the brilliant Jeanine Garafalo—a woman who is relentless, invasive, and dull as hell, what with her “literally” comments and all. Worse, the woman is one whom Doug just stopped dating without a fair or proper sign off, so now Doug is remorseful and worrisome…that Carrie is about to do the same.

Carrie is out of work, and so decides to craft cell phone jackets—which are hideous and pricey to boot and which she forces on all her friends to buy.

(read more…)

The Boyz of New York—Still Standing, Still Egocentric

The Boyz of New York—Still Standing, Still Egocentric by Roxanne McDonald

New York notices the guys “have pretty big egos.” Have they earned them?

Collectively, the guys are certainly an odd mix of yuppies and borderline thugs. But who are they individually, and how will they fit into New York’s life? Let’s take a look at the personalities and pasts of the six left living in the I Love New York mansion.

BOSTON

Who he is: first, he’s white. Very white. Second, he’s Jewish. And third, he first introduced himself as a “stud”. But Lee, the 25 year old financial advisor who takes everything as serious as a borderline autistic actually looks like a little boy lost in a big ferocious world of competition. Yet, this Aquarian is smart, and he picks up on the

savagery and silliness of his remaining housemates. He loves reality TV, is serious about sex with hot women, and, despite his colorful remarks about color issues, is still in the running for the woman he considers the hottest babe in L.A. My bets are on him, especially if Mom has the last word.

What Tiffany feels for him: she loves the way he kisses, gets nervous about his candid race discussions, and yet has a soft spot for the nerdy little guy.

How Mom feels about him: Sister Patterson seems to have the most respect for Boston, who impresses her with his balls to stand up to Chance and others, whom she doesn’t believe is a racist, and whom she says is the perfect man for her daughter. Besides, he gives good lapdance, and Moms is clearly here to get in on the action, too, right?

CHANCE

Who he is: Kamal is a music producer and former Capitol Records artist, an Aries, and the least polished of the bunch. That is, he has a personality that is combative, quick to anger, and fast to rap. Not all that attractive in the face, New York likes him, and that’s all that matters, evidently.

What Tiffany feels for him: From day one New York has loved that Chance has that evidently underrated “New York edge” and cares enough about him that she stands up to her mother and keeps him in every round. I guess we all need to indulge in a relationship with a nasty, intransigent, and dim-witted guy at least once—especially if he kills moths for us and smooches us like the savior that he is.

How Mom feels about him: she [the one he calls “Peppermint Patterson,” among other names] can’t stand him. What did you expect?

(read more…)

Top 24 Finalist List Excludes Amanda but Includes Antonella

Top 24 Finalist List Excludes Amanda but Includes Antonella by Roxanne McDonald

Well, one out of two aint bad, and the worst of the two are gone. Besides, our boy Chris Sligh made it through: that’s all that really matters. Yahooo!

The final judgments are in and congratulations are in order. Despite how the final two girls to be asked into the judges’ chambers were clearly differently talented (the clips showed Marissa [figuratively] kicking Antonella’s ass in singing skills) and Antonella got the last spot when it should have been Marissa, it looks like we are in for another fantastic season of American Idol. Especially since Chris Sligh made it into the top 24!

Chris was just as funny as he approached the duhm-da-duhm-duhm judges table and sat down across from them: he said, “You guys are probably wondering why I called this meeting today,” and we all (Cowell included) laughed.

Paula mentioned how Chris was consistently great in his performances and entertaining with his wit; Randy and Simon both congratulated him.
Others they did the same for, including Simon even kissing the cheek of one accepted finalist, are as follows (in no particular order and with first names and last initials, as I couldn’t write fast enough, multitasking as I was and all…):

Chris-yay
Sidjaya M.
Brandon R.
Phil S.
Blake-beatbox
Rudy C.-yay
Paul K.
Jarrod K.
AJ T.—who auditioned 5 times!
Nicholas P.-yay
Chris R,
Sundance H.—what will cheerleaders put on his posters? We want___?

Antonella-ew
Jordan
Melinda D.
Gina G.
Tammy G.
Hayley
Stephanie
Leslie H.
Alena A.
Sabrina S.
Nicole T.
Lakisha J.

Congratulations to everyone!

*More thorough information on the final 24 can be found at

SirLinksAlot American Idol Links

Get Rid of the Nasty B’s and Bring Back Baylie!

Get Rid of the Nasty B’s and Bring Back Baylie! by Roxanne McDonald

Cross your fingers, hold your breath, and pray for Amanda…to get booted.

I am all for confidence and talent combined. I have accepted how one of the criterion for success on American Idol is good looks. And I have conceded to the fact that the biggest voting audience and the one buying the most records is composed of pre- and teen girls—so I have even bitten my tongue to avoid bashing the 2005 American Idol—who was so not dynamic and was so drippy sweet second-best in my book that I almost boycotted American Idol after she beat out Bo Bice.

But while I can’t fully appreciate the saccharine-sweet, I am more against the nasty, undeservedly cocky, and only mildly talented—especially when they succeed over truly talented and decent performers.

During the group round in Hollywood, Baylie Brown was stuck for a good group to work with. She ended up with Amanda Coluccio and Antonella Barba, two dilettantes with unpaid dues to the biz who spent more time bitching about song choice than choreographing and rehearsing that song.

Then, in an even more despicable move, Amanda flits off to flirt. She does this really exaggerated, really obvious strut through the rooms where boy groups are practicing like mad.

She gives an eh performance. So does Antonella. But evidently, Baylie forgets more words, and is the only one of the three who is booted.

Amanda, offstage, then says to the cameras that it just goes to show that God likes good people. Uh. 1st, this mediocre mutt is a sore “winner”. 2nd, she is obviously deluded. And 3rd, she is a lying hypocrite.

When Baylie is crying and Amanda and Antonella are coldly distancing themselves—standing a foot away and not offering any condolences—Baylie accurately points out how difficult it is to be sent home after working hard while another goes off to flirt with boys.

Amanda tells American Idol cams she did NO such thing, as the cameras cut to the scene where is doing just that. She also, arm in arm with her equally icky best friend, says she has plenty of opportunities for attracting boys back home.

Yes, Bailie, it is disgusting how those who indicate they don’t care about working and therefore must not care all that much about becoming the next American Idol. But let’s hope the judges review the clips along with the videos they consider for the next cuts. And know that you will land a music gig–so what if it’s not on Idol…it will happen to one who is so hard-working and clearly of super singing skills.

And dear Universe, if the next American Idol is anything, please let it not be a half-witted, hard-hearted slacker who lives by seduction and self-delusion.

SirLinksAlot American Idol Links