Dancing Star would Like to Thank the Academy…and the Animal People
Dancing Star would Like to Thank the Academy…and the Animal People by Roxanne McDonald
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Heather Mills gracefully steps off with a goodbye speech that thanks everyone and borders on the political. |
Did you notice how Tom Bergeron cut her short as soon as she began to mention how much attention, support, and money her cause to save the animals was getting? He said she could save the rest of that speech for “another venue.”
And we all get what that implied.
Anyway.
Joey and Kym had done a Samba, with Joey, who was in what looked like a mechanic’s uniform, not all that fem anymore, Len. His hands outstretched, his grinding groin, all pretty masculine and mouth-watering.
Len conceded that Joey is this week a “swashbuckling” guy who was great, perfect, and really sold it. Bruno said he went for it like a randy, fighting cockerel (?). And Carrie Ann said that it was one of their best performances so far, adding, “You’re insane, and that reads so well….”
They scored a total of 27 points.
Heather and Jonathan had done a Paso Doble. Heather had taken Jonathan to meet Evita star Milena, and after advice they had danced on the Evita stage to rehearse. Bruno found they used the drama of the Paso Doble well, capturing the spirit of the dance; Carrie Ann said she was always amazed at how they throw in more tricks than anybody else; and Len loved the opening with its great passion/fire, though she needed to have a haughtier upper body.
They scored a total of 23 points
Apprentice Finale Not so Finalized
Apprentice Finale Not so Finalized by Roxanne McDonald
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The Apprentice finale–finally. And then again, maybe not so final. The people have spoken, and the people continue to speak…furiously questioning what Trump meant when he told James, right before firing him, that were some unresolved issues–comments and things–that pissed him off about James. |
James has some predictions about Trumps reservations; Nicole is still joking about how she thought Stefani had no chance; and I who am as susceptible to predictions and proselytizing on subjects I have limited knowledge on (business on such a grand scale) refuse to offer another recap, despite how I took my usually scrupulous notes— deferring to the many fine recaps already extant and to the more insider-savvy interviewers and correspondents.
At least the announcer didn’t promise “the most shocking finale ever”—as many are wont to do even when there is nothing unpredictable about a backstab, a backslide, or a backpedal, as this “Apprentice: Los Angeles” final episode seemed to contain.
Didn’t Trump seem to lean toward James throughout the season? What little whispers in his ear at half-time (or, as he implied, throughout the course) made him change his mind?
Was it the immigrant angle that James played in his final video, the implied but no less fallacious angle that says because I want this and need this as an immigrant I therefore deserve it? Was it something he wrote on his site, Zoodango.com, or something he said in pointing to his existing site?
Even Stefani thought James had it, and was “shocked” to hear her own name inserted into the now infamous tag line, “You’re hired.” At Reality TV World, Christopher Rocchio reports how Stefani felt going in to the finale:
“I was very relaxed because going into the finale, I really thought James had it…. I thought that Mr. Trump was very fond of James, and I thought Mr. Trump would be saying, ‘James you’re hired.’ And so I wasn’t nervous at all because I figured well I’m going to go out and just argue for the fun of it and have a good time and congratulate James, who I respect and care about very much.”
Carrie, at Reality Shack Blog actually communicated with James, who wrote to her in response to one of her recaps and who tried to explain Trump’s reasoning as he understood it. James evidently sent Carrie to his website/blog to get insight into the “mysterious dialogue.” However, Carrie surmises, James is as clueless about Trump’s rationale as the rest of the James camp is.
Simonese without the Snark
Simonese without the Snark by Roxanne McDonald
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Simon was in reality check, extra kindness, nice mode this week–stepping back to participate in “Idol Gives Back” |
Likely because the “Idol Gives Back” campaign had begun and aired to us on Tuesday (and again on Wednesday)—giving him and us a look into the deplorable and depressing suffering countries and states, which Simon called a literal “hell on earth”–Simon was less negative this week.
And hell it was to just watch night one of Idol Gives Back. God help them all. There should not be, as Simon also said, such suffering, such misery.
Simon also said several kinder, or at least more positive things on Tuesday.
Here is a rough rendition (as I was too whacked out to catch exact wording):
Chris sang what I still think was an okay “Change the World.”
Simon said: It kind of feels that the competition starts properly tonight. It reminds me of the very first time we saw [you/him], and we said, “this guy’s got potential.” It had soul in it…. I think you did well.
Melinda delivered an absolutely stunning “There Will Come a Day.”
Simon said: You’re not gonna look surprised? You promise? What I loved about that performance was it wasn’t a copycat performance. You took a song and you absolutely made me believe…. That really was a master class vocal.
Pussycat Dolls Finale One of the Best Ever
Pussycat Dolls Finale One of the Best Ever by Roxanne McDonald
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The final episode of “Search for the Next Pussycat Doll” was one of the most satisfying reality TV finales ever. |
Of course, the appearance of the Pussycat Dolls and their performance of their signature song made for good PR or advertisement or continued advertisement, but their taking of Asia into the clan, and Asia’s instantaneous fitting in by singing, dancing and popping along with the others as if she was meant to be the next Pussycat Doll made this viewer simper and sob…so wonderful was the closure we got.
I know, I know, I may have been overly tired and therefore over-reacting. I may not be giving enough acknowledgement to how great it is that Stefani won “The Apprentice: Los
Angeles” position (though I am thrilled, really). And I may be forgetting the fun and surprise of “Survivor” finales, “Big Brother” finales, and “Amazing Race” finales….
But I found the culminating scenes of “Search for the Next Pussycat Doll” to be so satisfying, delivering such a joyous and right sense of closure–that I kept clapping my hands and beaming with pride as if I were a realtive, or something.
Now, I, like Ron Fair, had an issue with Asia’s vibrato and synchronous fluttering of fingers on the mic. I was rooting for Melissa S, who I thought was softer but a complete package. I also sided with those in Anastacia’s camp. She, too, seemed to be a fine fit. And by the finale, I was thinking that Chelsea was going to take the final prize…until the girls did their solos. (read more…)
Who You with, Bernie Mac?
Who You with, Bernie Mac? by Roxanne McDonald
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In so many Bernie Mac Show episodes, Mac comes to the rescue of the kids. This he has been doing all his life. |
In one especially endearing show, Bernie Mac has inadvertently taught Jordan to use stand-up humor to get through a nerve-wracking public performance (Jordan freezes during a spelling bee). When Jordan of course misunderstands the lesson and decides to go the comedy route, the kid bombs. Rather than express disappointment (to America, in that grumpy way he has that makes him Bernie Mac, comic genius) and leave it at that, Bernie Mac appears on stage and starts his own routine, picking up with where the first humiliated now relieved Jordan leaves off.
This is exemplary of the man in real life. In 1970s Chicago, after his single parent Mary died of cancer (when Mac was 16), Mac began doing shows for fellow students and kids in the rough and tumble neighborhood.
After these free-for-alls, a stint at the Regal Theatre, and through a series of odd jobs as bread delivery representative, furniture mover, and UPS agent, Mac went professional, starting at the age of 19 and struggling through years of virtual un-recognition (reportedly because he “refused to change his name”?)
But by the early nineties, when he was featured in, co-starred in, or appeared in such films as Mo’ Money (his debut, 1992), Who’s the Man? (1993), House Party 3 (1994) and The Walking Dead (1995), Bernie Mac was gaining status as a serious comic.
In 1995, Bernie Mac made the crossover from serious to seriously funny, doing an HBO special titled “Midnight Mac,” then playing Pastor Clever to Chris Tucker’s Smokey in Friday (1995). As IMDB declares, these latter performances got Mac a cult following, one which has trailed him closely through
comic roles in Spike Lee’s Get on the Bus (1996), Don’t Be a Menace to South Central While Drinking Your Juice in the Hood (1996), on “Moesha” (1996- ), in How to Be a Player (1997), Life (1999), in The Original Kings of Comedy (2000), What’s the Worst That Could Happen? (2001), and a straighter role in Ocean’s Eleven (2001).
Also in 2001, the one who refused to change his name, his image, or his comedy, brought us “The Bernie Mac Show,” expressing and showing that who he was and who he was with has not changed.
And because in that sit-com that still runs four to six nights a week he is still the comically grousing, comically self-absorbed and persecuted parent…who brings a sensitive moment to each of the comic vignettes, he is still with us in humor as we are still with him in heart.
Tiffany Turns to Mobile TV
Tiffany Turns to Mobile TV by Roxanne McDonald
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Surveys were taken, MP3s were reviewed, and a new division was launched, piloted by Cyriac Roeding, Executive Vice President of CBS Mobile |
Way back in December of 2005, CBS was concluding that while at that time there were 5 million subscribers to mobile services, there would be no threat to traditional television distribution should CBS decide to go mobile.
Surveys showed how at that time, 42 percent of 3,781 people owned an MP3 player (John Cosoli, Media Week), but how only 7 percent of the nearly 4,000 would “definitely or [be] very likely to purchase a mobile phone/MP3 with video capabilities for themselves….”
By February of 2007, however, wireless division head Cyriac Roeding (what a great TV name!) had been named Executive Vice President of CBS Mobile and was, under the leadership of Quincy Smith, president of CBS Interactive, forming teams
and partners and possibilities.
Today, you can go to CBS MOBILE and “Let Your Phone Out” with everything from Hot Mobile Packs like Dave TV, ET to Go, and CBS Sportsline to Go to Exclusive Collections such as Survivor Wallpaper, CSI New York, and Star Trek.
Other CBS Mobile features include, of course, Fierce Wallpapers, Ringtones & Voicetones, Fun Mobile Videos, Text Fun and Games, and, of course, music.
I guess the people of 2005 changed their minds, and have come around to continue a legacy of support for one of the oldest, finest, and best broadcasting stations (with ABC and NBC) in existence.
This makes sense, for while I recall watching this one of three channels when I was a kid, sitting alongside my grandfather as he did his nightly crossword puzzle and watched CBS News, I also recall how their airing of the first moon landing brought the technology old timers were so unfamiliar with they would have balked at the notion of computers and cell phones to begin with. But that generation has also changed its mind(s), and pcs and mp3s are almost as much old news, really, as the moon-landing space technology was twenty years back.
SirLinksAlot Television News links
Best Supporting Role Award Should Go to Carpenters of Top Design
Best Supporting Role Award Should Go to Carpenters of Top Design by Roxanne McDonald
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Congratulations to the most deserving of designers, Matt Lorenz. Yet, how about if we have another award–for the carpenters who made it all possible? |
With a father who was a skilled, clever, and patient carpenter, I had been thinking about the carpenters of “Top Design.” It was time, I decided, they got some closer coverage, some more focused attention, too.
Just as I was listening to Carisa carp at and about Carl for the umpteen millionth time and just as Carl, as always, had responded with stalwart stoicism, I had remarked to myself how important to the “Top Design” task the carpenters are. I also remarked (again to myself, as there’s nobody else here) how these carpenters take a lot more crap than they should—how the treatment by some of the “Top Design” contestants is/was disrespectful and even borders/ed on abusive.
But did the carpenters complain? Not to us, anyway. Instead, they smiled about having to go to the ER after a close call; they patiently explained procedures and processes; and they continued to come through with stunning results despite the restrictions and ragging.
One of the carpenters, Ed Schoen, was discussing (on the “Top Design” website) how “the designers are never heard talking about their carpenters.”
He was referring to them on the actual sets, I’m sure, as what we the audience got were several instances of designers talking about their carpenters…in a negative way, usually, if the words were coming from Carisa, but occasionally in reference to the joy of working with such tolerant, effective, supportive craftspersons, if, say, Matt was asked about working with his carpenter of the week.
As I was first plotting an outline for a tribute article to the “Top Design” carpenters, I came across only one other such piece–by Christopher Muther of The Boston Globe, titled “Unflappable carpenter at center of ‘Top Design’.”
That article featured Blair Toland, and even more rightfully so did it honor Blair as representative of all the “Top Design” carpenters, as most considered him the most admirable of the group. The only other place I could find online was the BRAVO.com “Top Design” section featuring bios of and interviews with the carpenters. So with the little inside info I have, I will give nods to each with a few details and comments from each, acknowledging that the notes here are repeats but are delivered to you in attempts to remind us who the designers would be without these brilliant professionals.
Toby Fails to Deliver the Trash
Toby Fails to Deliver the Trash by Roxanne McDonald
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The goal is a good old-fashioned white trash Springer show. But returning producer Toby, despite bringing on a hillbilly, his favored pig, and his jealous shaman girlfriend, disappoints. |
“It’s gotta be a home-run show, or I’m gonna get my ass canned,” frets Jerry Springer producer. So he drives to the deepest parts of Kentucky, retrieves Harley the hillbilly, Harley’s spoiled pet pig (who lives in the house and eats first before any human), and the jealous girlfriend.
The neighbors point out how obviously trashy these folks are, what with the crap on the porch and the clutter in the yard…and the fact that there’s obviously a pig living inside the house.
Producer’s assistant Gabe and producer Toby enter to find Harley feeding the pig and saying it gets to eat first and to
see a disgusted girlfriend in the corner, preparing to leap out and do some down-home voodoo on them.
Through torrential rains and on a restrictive schedule, one which has not included Toby even getting to the writing of the intros for Jerry, Toby stresses. And Gabe does all he can not to gag.
Celebrity Boot Camp with Broken Laces and Holes in the Soles
Celebrity Boot Camp with Broken Laces and Holes in the Soles by Roxanne McDonald
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Celebrity Fit Club premiere reveals the dysfunction, the despondency, and the dissention in the ranks. |
The first episode of “Celebrity Fit Club” 5 was most entertaining but for reasons both bitter and sweet. It was interesting to watch Brat defy the disciplinarian; was pitiful to hear the sorrows of Tiffany and Maureen; and was delightfully entertaining to hear Ross’ humor and to watch and listen to Dustin plan his recalcitrant rehabilitation.
Though I doubt everyone gets his brand of humor.
First we see the new recruits arrive, hang out in a batting cage-like area, and deface a poster of Harvey Walden IV.
Harvey arrives banging a garbage can lid—which is kind of after-the fact cliche, as it is not five a.m. and they are not asleep…but, anyway.
Harvey is pissed about the poster and that incurs the Brat to scream back, using decibels and curse words that make the kind of nasty therapeutic judge Stacy Kaiser say she is reminded of some high school punk.
The group is commanded to do a quatrathlon of 1) an obstacle course; 2) a long jump; 3) a quarter-mile sprint; and 4) a three-flight stair-climb.
Once everyone has done all the events and has finished his/her three stadium flights each, they all take the stairs together, rejoicing victoriously and screaming some yeah in-your-face things at Harvey down below.
Individual Weigh-in Time
The three judges are introduced by Ant, and the celebrities tell their stories and weigh in.
Charm School under the Influence
Charm School under the Influence by Roxanne McDonald
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“Charm School” may have been inspired by what Mo’Nique says is her disgust at “Flavor of Love” girls’ behavior, and may be (well, is) the second spin off of “Flavor of Love.” It has also likely taken influence from “Ladette to Lady.” |
At least in format and framing, the popular Vh1 show “Charm School” (now in its second episode) is very similar to the show that is set in Eggleston Hall in Teesdale, England. “Ladette to Lady,” which first aired in 2005 in Great Britain and elsewhere and then came to America via the The Sundance Channel in 2006, has the same premise:
“Ladette to Lady,” writes a Wikipedia contributor, follows eight ladettes (i.e. loud, foul-mouthed, uncultured and unpleasant women, who like to drink and smoke and who are often sexually promiscuous) in Britain, who are given a five-week course in learning how to behave like a real lady.”
“Charm School” is following the unlikely development of twelve girls (now ten) as they scream (Saaphyri); swear and use booty humor in inappropriate settings and at
inappropriate times (Becky does a no-booty rap for Andrew Firestone at a civilized and monitored dinner testing the girls’ etiquette, grace, and poise); drink and smoke (though that was New York’s thing); and are [it is implied, mostly] sexually promiscuous (Becky, again, is the target of Ms. Colette Swan, who is teaching the girls poise, grace, and etiquette around the dinner table, while walking, and while sitting—and when she observes that as Becky sits she can see her “little Britney,” Becky tells the confession cam she doesn’t care about showing her vagina…though she wouldn’t mind showing it to the drill sergeant.)
The women of “Ladette to Lady” are living at the finishing school,Eggleston Hall, where they taught by five instructors, including a headmistress of sorts, and where they conform by wearing the mandatory tweed uniform with “sensible shoes” and a pearl necklace. The Charm School girls live in what Becky decides is just like the Playboy Mansion, wearing requisite Catholic school girl uniforms with their own shoe choices…which leaves Heather to come to etiquette class with red come-f-me pumps (a move she that will count against her in the Expulsion round, you recall).
The girls also wear their own dresses for special occasions, such as for the second episode’s etiquette test dinner and pre-dinner socializing. And there is where the girls get really bad—or one does: Schatar steals Heather’s 400-dollar! Dress and her 1500-dollar1 suit, and then, when paired with Heather for a tete a tete with Andrew Firestone (wherein the best-mannered will be invited by Andrew to dinner), mentions very snakily how she is glad to see Heather has gotten over the missing dress debacle she—heh-heh—was responsible for. This makes Heather nuts, and even Mo and Mikki watching the monitors and praying for her to keep her cool doesn’t help.
Vh1 Top TV Shows We Lie about [not] Watching
Vh1 Top TV Shows We Lie about [not] Watching by Roxanne McDonald
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And [not just] from this writer and TV freak’s less than humble and scathingly truthful point of view…. |
Okay, so I watch shows you might not want to fess up about watching, never mind being hooked on. And so the following accolades include those for those very shows that many won’t even admit to watching and liking…. But, hey, the numbers say otherwise:
THE OLD SHOWS
Flavor of Love
With a Nielsen rating of in conjunction with an audience of 5.9 million by the finale of season one of “Flavor of Love” and a season 2 premiere audience of 5.9 million, the finale of the second season had pulled a staggering 7.5 million—making that episode alone the most watched non-sports cable show of the TV week that week (according to E! News).
The show to watch for African Americans aged 18 to 49, “Flavor of Love,” Vh1 said, was its highest rated telecast ever. Until New York came along, that is….
I Love New York
The VH1 reality competition show that spun off not only “Flavor of Love” but “The Bachelor” and then, of course, “The Bachelorette” pulled in 4.4 million viewers, earned a 2.55
Nielsen Media Research rating for its 9PM ET/PT premiere, according to Multichannel News and Reality TV, and was cited as the number one Vh1 show (highest rated in the history of Vh1 programming).Surreal Life/Fame Game
I don’t know if this is connected to Nielsen ratings, but at TV.com, the stats hold fairly strong for “The Surreal Life”: Popularity Rank is 495, but that’s out of 16,518 voters; and the Ratings Rank is 1,992 of 16,518.
New Big Brother, New Big Brother Logo
Big Brother 8 Coming Soon–with New Format and New Logo, as Well! by Roxanne McDonald
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Jonesing for Big Brother, it sort of helps to know the next installment is reportedly slated to begin in July, 2007. |
THE CASTING CALL FOR APPLICANTS
The CBS/Big Brother site had posted the call for the Big Brother 8 “cast”:
Are you an outgoing, intriguing, competitive person who would make the perfect BIG BROTHER HouseGuest? Are you up for anything and everything? Are you ready to live inside the BIG BROTHER House with a group of strangers while multiple cameras record your every move and sound 24 hours a day, seven days a week? Are you willing to compete for half a million dollars against other participants as
aggressive and ambitious as you are? If you can answer yes to these questions, you just might qualify as a contestant on BIG BROTHER.
The casting call deadline was April 20, 2007.
THE ANNOUNCEMENT
Big Brother 8 was officially announced by CBS on February 1, 2007, pointing to the typical season premiere date of July 5, 2007 (not firm, but as we all know, the first Thursday of July is reserved, or has been for the last couple of years, for those big black SUVs, the unmistakable intro music, and the ever-present Julie Chen welcoming the guests and us….
THE PROMISE OF EVEN MORE BIG BROTHER SURPRISES
Also reported is how Big Brother 8 will be executive-produced by Emmy Award winner Allison Grodner and Rich Meehan, in association with Endemol U.S.A.. And while he will be executive “consultant”, since Arnold Shapiro has left Big Brother production, the show will take on yet a newer format.
What else can they do to gild this lily of a reality show? Make the new guests subject to old? Make the challenges more dangerous? Make the Big Brother premise include even more limitations on freedoms and privileges?
I mean, what will be able to top tolerating Boogie and Will and weeks upon weeks of breakfast slop?
SirLinksAlot Big Borther links
Kid Rock
Kid Rock–A Brief Biography
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Poor boy, nasty boy, rich boy, popular boy…. |
Kid Rock was born Robert James Ritchie on January 17, 1971. By the early 1980s, he was a performer—an eleven-year-old break-boy with The Furious Funkers.
In high school, Robert or Bobby bought a turntable, deejayed for beer at local parties, and then took a gig with Groove Time Productions, where he played a few shows and where after Bo Wisdom noted the audience loved watching “that white kid rock,” he took his name, Kid Rock. After deejaying and emceeing a few more venues, Kid Rock was invited to do a bit on stage, and at 19 was now signed for a record deal with Jive Records—releasing his first album.
Nasty as it was, the first piece to be made a single got little airplay and as a result low sales. This incited Jive Records to drop Kid Rock, who went on to get a deal with Continuum Records. But again, the second album was not popular enough, the single didn’t make the charts, and Continuum in bankruptcy, Kid was without representation again.
So he started his own label.
Besides heading Top Dog, Kid was forming Twisted Brown Trucker, doing janitorial jobs to cover recording costs, and selling post-concert LPs of his third album from the trunk of his car. He was making a small name for himself in his home state; now he had to make it big. He did a special “showcase” concert, hoping to draw the attention of invited labels, Atlantic the only one of whom showed.
When Atlantic expressed equal interest but reticence about the “strength” of Rock’s material, he laid two more tracks, pitched them to Atlantic, and within hours had them (Jason Flom and company) calling to offer him “anything he wanted.”
In a “Behind the Music” biography, he tells interviewers how one week he is wicked broke, the next he is pulling out of his closet shoe boxes full of money.
From poverty and persistence combined, Kid Rock would go from there to over a dozen albums, several movie soundtracks, a few movie appearances, a number of Grammy Award nominations, a Billboard Music Video Award, a “Favorite Male Pop/Rock” accolade at the American Music Awards…and, of course, a marriage to Pamela Anderson.
Baywatch Trivia
Baywatch Trivia by Roxanne McDonald
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Trivial to begin with, “Baywatch” still has and had its moments. |
I watched maybe a minute or two of a couple of different episodes of “Baywatch.” Had no desire to waste time or eyesight or brain cells any further than that. But the token bathing beauty pageant that was the Baywatch beach held attractions for everyone from my ex to Joey Tribiani and Chandler Bing. I was one person of few, evidently, who found the vapid characterization, redundant plotlines, and marginal acting undeserving of the attention the boobs and babes culled.
*Once syndicated in 148 countries, “Baywatch” was determined to be one of the most popular shows in the world—with a viewership of some 2.4 billion!
*”Baywatch” was at some point between 1989 and 2000 (when interest finally waned enough that the show was cancelled) showing on every continent except Antarctica (according to IMDB).
*Once the beach and boobs intrigue wore thin and it was finally cancelled, “Baywatch was planned for
re-make/ continuation in Australia, as “Baywatch Down Under.” But ironically, while the premise of the series was to have Hasselhoff and Anderson and crew working with a life-saving organization (according to Wiki), the locals in Avalon, Australia protested the show’s invasion of a “fragile ecosystem”…and the plans were doused.
*With the “Baywatch Down Under” idea done, the production team took the show to Hawaii, where it carried out its last year.
*And regardless of how non-watchers might feel or have felt, “Baywatch” was, as of 2005, the longest-running Emmy Award winner.
Australia’s Next Top Model Host Erika Heynatz Guest on America’s Next Top Model
Australia’s Next Top Model Host Erika Heynatz Guest on America’s Next Top Model by Roxanne McDonald
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With the final six on a trip to Australia, we finally get to see both “Top Model” hosts in action. |
I had become entranced by the similar but different procedures and format of the sister show, “Australia’s Next Top Model”…then it went off the air (at my place, anyway). So I was delighted when the final six were flown to Australia and introduced to Erika Heynatz, who met them at the airport before Tyra actually introduces her to them.
Erika is, remember, harder, tougher, and more demanding in her delivery and judging style than Tyra, and to add to that, the competition challenges are all about being a
correspondent as well as a model, and add to that—whew—that the girls will have to adopt Aussie accents and use Aussie slang…and you have one mess of a week, as entertaining as it is.
At the airport, for starters, Erika introduces herself and then launches, in her Aussie tongue, into how the girls must be “absolutely nekked” after such a long flight and all, but how they “must be ready to get straight into the hard yakker…straight into chewing the fat with the locals.”
Yes, they will have to use slang as many times as they can to win the first challenge.
Clyde Brings Them Back to Reality
Clyde Brings Them Back to Reality by Roxanne McDonald
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With Heather and Jonathan losing their heads in the clouds, and Bass getting a big head for his buddy Fatone, as well as the judges taking the competitions so seriously they take their judging over our heads, Clyde Drexler brings everyone back to reality. |
Thank you! So nice to see a celebrity take a loss with grace. So nice to see a sense of humor. And so nice to see and hear how this is, after all, a reality TV show with—remember?—celebrities who are not professionals at ballroom dancing but at other talented areas.
Ian and Cheryl had done the Samba, looking really good that Ian was. And the judges had agreed they were much better—Carrie Ann telling Ian he was still underestimating himself.
Clyde and Elena had done the Rumba—though it was just okay, with Clyde still looking like he was following teacher, and the judges attacking their dance as everything from the worst in the competition to the Rumba under the influence of an anesthetic.
Heather and Jonathan had then danced the Samba—Heather all sparkles and hip movements which detracted from and overcompensated for her prosthetic (a dance she would replicate on a Virgin Airlines flight…without the hard fall and minus the applause). Carrie Ann had been kinder in her judgment, even prophetic, saying how she appreciated how Heather danced “as if nobody was watching.” Yikes.
Joey and Kym had done a Rumba, after buddies Alphonso Ribiera and Lance Bass were brought in for rehearsal and clowning around—and after Lance could be heard to boast how good Joey is that he had to advise his bud to take it down so that the people wouldn’t get tired of someone “too good”. Kym decided the use of his friends helped Joey improve (why?), however, and the judges are more obsessed with how effeminate Joey is or is not during his performance.
Edyta and John did an endearing Samba. Well, I think John is endearing, trying as hard as he does and even improving on timing and liveliness. The judges are finding him the “best of the worst,” giving him, as Carrie Ann does, a standing ovation for improvement.
Laila and Max seemed to struggle with stiffness during their Rumba, though Laila is so damned beautiful and still an audience favorite, I think. The judges agreed that Laila was back in her improving element.
Apolo and Julianne did the Samba, and stunned the judges, Bruno saying it was “incredible”, Len agreeing that they had brought it all together, and Carrie Ann summing it up by calling it “perfection”.
And Billy Ray and Karina did a Rumba that disappointed him (being so busy and unable to rehearse enough), us, and the judges, who are so intense they made Billy Ray’s face turn sickly red.
He Don’t Love New York–He Loves Tiffany
He Don’t Love New York–He Loves Tiffany by Roxanne McDonald
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Tango tells New York that if she sees Tiffany, she should tell her to give him a holler. Okay, didn’t realize he was aware of the nuances of duality and whatnot…. |
In what one would expect of a “Flavor of Love” spinoff reunion show, with half the men hating the other half, the cruelest moments come when Tango does this calling on New York’s duality…or duplicity?
He has had a chance to see the tapes of the number one Vh1 show (highest rated in the history of Vh1 programming was “I Love New York”), and he is pissed: “I sat back and watched New York disrespect me, and I watched New York disrespect my mother, and that can’t fly.”
If you recall, she talked to her mother about what a bitch it would be to be rolling Tango’s mom’s wheelchair into the ladies room, and told us how Tango’s mom was boring and big. Classic New York.
Also classic is how she tells Tango she was just telling it like it is, how she was keeping it real, and how he can take a hike, etc., etc. if he doesn’t like it. Hike he does, and yells back that he loves Tiffany but he does not love New York, and she can tell Tiffany to contact him. And thus ends another Bachelor Mini-Me edition.
The Twists Get Tougher
The Twists Get Tougher by Roxanne McDonald
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“Identity” TV show and “Identity” online game share a cruel characteristic: giving the strangers alternative identities. |
I went online—so obsessed was I with the game show “Identity”—and got sucked into the labyrinth that is repeated playing of the simple but tough online version of the game.
Okay, I say simple because of the twelve strangers and the twelve identities, at least…at least…half of them are no-brainers: there’s the Golf Pro label which you attach to a guy holding a golf club. There’s the Houdini Specialist, who is easily identified by his black outfit bound by chains. There’s the Cat Lady label, which you drag and drop onto the lady holding…you guessed it, a cat.
But as easy as this part of the game is, so is it addictive
enough that you click “play again” again and again. And again. Then it gets tougher, as you are given the same strangers but a slightly altered set of identities: now the one you correctly identified as the blacksmith (as he is wearing working safety goggles) is back on a pedestal, but there is no Blacksmith label. Instead, this same guy is now a Video Game Champ.
And, oh, you know how we can play the game at home and think how easy it is? We can play the game online and think the same…the first couple of runs. Then it gets harder and harder and harder, and we are more humbled and more sympathetic toward those who have the guts to go on television and play.
Suggestive Looks, Sans Sanjaya, a Spectacular Six, and Simonese of Two Sorts
Suggestive Looks, Sans Sanjaya, a Spectacular Six, and Simonese of Two Sorts by Roxanne McDonald
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Quite the week with the usual Simonisms, the unusual eye-rolling misinterpreted hub-bub, and, finally, Sanjaya going buh-bya. And now, with the final six being as talented as they are, while we can only guess at the outcome for the next five weeks, Simon suggests otherwise. |
In fact, the only thing predictable is the spectacular entertainment we can look forward to with the “American Idol Gives Back” special (Kelly Clarkson will appear!)—despite how Simon predicts the final three are going to be Blake, Melinda, and Jordan.
The week’s comments by Simon still stand, however– misunderstandings, mistakes, and misgivings aside. (Okay, I promise I’m done with the alliteration. More than done.)
Phil did a lively, appealing “Where the Blacktop Ends,” and Simon said, “Well, it’s only taken ten weeks, Phil…. I have to agree with what the guys [Randy and Paula] said: right choice of song; style of music suits you, and even more
surprisingly, you have some personality.”
Jordin delivered a gorgeous version of “Broken Wing,” and Simon said, “This is the first time we have met where I actually believe—based on that performance—you could win American Idol.”
Sanjaya did such a flat and wobbly version of “Something to Talk About” that it reminded me of accidentally leaving a Bonnie Raitt 33LP out in the hot July sun and then trying to play it, and Simon said, “Utterly horrendous. I’m being serious! Honestly, it was as bad as anything we’ve seen at the beginning of American Idol.”
Amazing Race = Airport Chase = Szzzzzzzzzz
Amazing Race = Airport Chase = Szzzzzzzzzz by Roxanne McDonald
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Again the “Amazing Race” is more an airline ticket chase and a hurry-up-and-wait snore than anything else, the show reduced to too many scenes of negotiating, haggling, and hassling in airports. |
And we already have a reality TV show dedicated to airports—“Airline”– though it hasn’t been on in awhile. Gee, I wonder if people got sick of it? Any hints, there, “Amazing Race,” that maybe if the flight planning element (and the waiting and the bitching) were removed from “Amazing Race,” maybe the format of the game would return to being exciting for viewers and less ridiculous (always on stand-by, etc.) for racers?
This week, then, it was not the flight to Honk Kong but the fight to Hong Kong…. Oswald negotiates for his team to be at the top of the wait list, and Danny tells him he is his hero. The Beauty Queens request to get on the wait list. Charla and Myrna request to get on the wait list (adding that there are some people on that list or in this race who are not so nice).
Oswald and Danny return to confirm the airline agents are maintaining an exact order for the list.
The Beauty Queens discover there are two teams ahead of them on the list.
The Beauty Queens tell their ticketing clerk that Danny and Oswald were behind them, so the order of the list is not “right”, is not fair.
Oswald slips back to the counter to inform them otherwise, that he and Danny were indeed ahead of them and therefore rightfully in front of them on the list.
The agent, still unbelievably patient, tells them the chances are slim for all of them, anyway [so get over yourselves]….
Charla and Myrna do some weird allying with Eric and Danielle, suggesting no more “giggling or phoniness” and presuming that the final three teams will be Charla and Myrna, Eric and Danielle, and Danny and Oswald and saying how this will be “fun” [for you, maybe, Myrna].
Donny and Oswald give Charla and Myrna some stand-by code for the list, because Charla and Myrna have shared information with them before, and, as Oswald says, “it goes back to kharma.”
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