Simonese for the Girls

Simonese for the Girls by Roxanne McDonald

Consider the Idol criteria as told to the 12 competing girls—through Simon Cowell.

To understand the givens and the pre-requisites, look to Simon Cowell, who despite his tight critiques is guiding with key criteria for the contestants.

If you watched on Tuesday night (and how could you not, if you are an Idol follower), you caught wind of numerous characteristics and qualities the judges and Idol producers are looking for. You heard the helpful commentaries of Randy and Paula and likely heard what should be considered buzz words for success from Simon.

For example, you heard at least five times the word “unique”. You heard prompting words like “risks” and “charm”. You heard how the contestants need to be careful of using a song so well known or one by someone who is untouchable…that they then have to be very good to get away with copying (or risk being pigeonholed as a lounge singer, a dad at a wedding, or a karaoke bar participant).
In this respect, such criteria would tell us someone like Blake Lewis—original, versatile, charismatic, good–is going to go far…on the guys’ side.

How about on the girls’ side? What were the operative characteristics and qualities Simon pointed out were present or absent?

Here are tonight’s Simonisms for the twelve females performing live–and with musical accompaniment and back-up–for the first time:

Once Stephanie Edwards delivered in grand style “How Come You Don’t Call Me Anymore?”:
You were a million times better than any performance we saw last night; it was by far better than any performance [we’ve had from you] so far; and most importantly, it looks like you came out and said, “I want to win American Idol,” and that’s what it’s all about.

After Amy Krebs delivered an affected and off-key rendition of “I Can’t Make You Love Me”:
When I said that I’m not going to remember you…I still can’t remember you. You’re like a candle. There’s nothing to remember. You have nothing that makes you stand out. I think it’s going to be difficult…even what you’re wearing, your hair…is forgettable.

After Leslie Hunt delivers a sultry, sassy version of “Natural Woman”:
It wasn’t great. You’re a very nice girl; and you’re a dog walker…and I mention that because you look ungainly—out of your comfort zone, embarrassed, as if you don’t want to be here.

Once Sabrina Sloan wrapped her bluesy sound around “I Never Loved a Man the Way I Love You”:
You know…cause we do take a lot of stick for criticizing at this point in the competition…you do show a difference between taking part and standing out [really wanting to win]. Probably the best one I’ve seen so far.

After Antonella Barba delivers a flat, dull version of “I Don’t Wanna Miss a Thing”:
Well, the good news is you’re attractive. The bad news is it didn’t work. It was way way way too big for you—that song. And I think it has seriously, seriously damaged your chances for another week in this competition.
[Antonella then asks for advice/suggestions for improving]: You’re a young girl; you’ve got a pop voice; choose a pop song. Don’t choose a song so big. It ate you up.

When Jordin Sparks finishes a strong performance with “Gimme One Reason”:
You know, we’ve seen a big change with you …. The first time we saw you, you were sweet…. You have a great voice. I think you push yourself and you may surprise a few people in this competition.

At the conclusion of Nicole Tranquillo doing a quirky, overdone with expression rendition of “Stay”:
I thought it was indulgent, aggressive…. It looked unnatural; it looked fake, over-rehearsed. She can sing [he says to Paula], but song choice is very important, and I didn’t think that was you.

Once Hayley Scarnado finishes a mature performance of “All Coming Back to Me Now”:
How old are you? [Hayley says she is 24.] Well, you sounded forty. It was a little bit like being at a reasonably good hotel and that was the last song of the evening. You’ve got a good voice, but you made yourself older…old-fashioned. It was a little bit boring.
[After some discussion]: It isn’t about us. It’s about what we think…[what] your audience is going to like…. And I think you just sounded a little too old.

When Melinda Doolittle finishes a spectacular performance of “Since You’ve Been Gone”:
People come out here with arrogance…. You’re the opposite. You’re a fantastic singer. I hope you do well.

Once Alaina Alexander finishes a stilted delivery of “Brass in My Pocket”:
Well, the irony was you kept singing that line, “I’m special”…and it wasn’t. You [are] thinking the crowd applause made it better than it was. No one’s left thinking, “Wow, that was the best performance,” because it wasn’t. Three or four girls were better. You’re going to have to rely on your looks rather than on your [voice].

When Gina Glockson finishes doing a fresh and stellar approach that almost reaches to “All by Myself”:
It’s a big song for you, and I don’t think you quite did it. You didn’t hit that note…[as when] Celine Dion did it…. You didn’t quite get there with it.

And when Lakisha Jones finishes a powerful, slamming performance of “And I am Telling You”:
Just to correct someone earlier on: that’s the right note. I am very tempted to say to 23 people: book your tickets home. I’m sorry, that was in a different league.

SirLinksAlot American Idol links
Celebrity Spider Simon Cowell links

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