Simonese Part III
Clever and Creative belongs not just to the Idols: Simonese Part III by Roxanne McDonald
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Simon brings on the witty and wry…again. Ever metaphorical and, well, downright mean, Simon continues to offer snarky snipes and stellar advice. |
You have to agree that many American Idol auditioners deserve a reality check. Aside from a few brilliant performances, and maybe the New Yowk character who is milking his histrionics for all their worth, the chicken-costumed and the dramadonnas are due for a critique that turns them away from show biz and out of ear range. Thank you, Simon.
~I don’t think you’re going to be reaching for the stars with that audition.
~You’re a genuinely nice person, aren’t you? Is your mother here? Bring her in. [After the girl sings] Mum liked it. I think that’s what it was—a daughter mum audition…meaning only your mum will like it alot.
~I’ve got to be honest with you, I’ve got no idea what this show is anymore. I’ve got you standing in front of me looking like some Easter Bunny nightmare. You’re not 26 [the woman is 50, but claims she is 26]. You’re not going to go through to the next round.
~What…the hell…was that?
~That was a complete and utter mess. You have probably one of the worst voices we’ve heard in Birmingham.~That was absolutely useless.
~Just like a karaoke performance.
~Thank you, B, for an absolutely rotten audition.
~I like you, but on this I am so right I cannot tell you.
~B, you are barking mad, aren’t you?
~Out you go. [After auditioner rants and raves…] I don’t want to hear any more of this rubbish.
~E, it was like a never-ending torture. You are a hopeless singer.
~You have to shut up; I hate it.
~[To Randy]…And it was the strangest dress I’ve ever seen.
~I’ve never heard that song sung like that before. What happens [when you sing it] in public?
~You sound like Cher after she’s been to the dentist. I don’t think you’re a real rocker.
~I’m not sure what was worse—the singing or the dancing.
~And you have a likeability about you…which is something you and I share.
~[Bad singer begging, Can I give you something else?] Yes, an exit.
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