Suggestive Looks, Sans Sanjaya, a Spectacular Six, and Simonese of Two Sorts

Suggestive Looks, Sans Sanjaya, a Spectacular Six, and Simonese of Two Sorts by Roxanne McDonald

Quite the week with the usual Simonisms, the unusual eye-rolling misinterpreted hub-bub, and, finally, Sanjaya going buh-bya. And now, with the final six being as talented as they are, while we can only guess at the outcome for the next five weeks, Simon suggests otherwise.

In fact, the only thing predictable is the spectacular entertainment we can look forward to with the “American Idol Gives Back” special (Kelly Clarkson will appear!)—despite how Simon predicts the final three are going to be Blake, Melinda, and Jordan.

The week’s comments by Simon still stand, however– misunderstandings, mistakes, and misgivings aside. (Okay, I promise I’m done with the alliteration. More than done.)

Phil did a lively, appealing “Where the Blacktop Ends,” and Simon said, “Well, it’s only taken ten weeks, Phil…. I have to agree with what the guys [Randy and Paula] said: right choice of song; style of music suits you, and even more

surprisingly, you have some personality.”
Jordin delivered a gorgeous version of “Broken Wing,” and Simon said, “This is the first time we have met where I actually believe—based on that performance—you could win American Idol.”

Sanjaya did such a flat and wobbly version of “Something to Talk About” that it reminded me of accidentally leaving a Bonnie Raitt 33LP out in the hot July sun and then trying to play it, and Simon said, “Utterly horrendous. I’m being serious! Honestly, it was as bad as anything we’ve seen at the beginning of American Idol.”

Ryan asks if this criticism is based on Simon not liking Sanjaya to begin with (which is implicit and telling at once, I suppose, now that Ryan has outed Simon?), and this pisses Simon off enough that after he asks Ryan who rattled his cage, he finally expresses what we have all been saying and thinking: “Come over here, Sanjaya. I know this has been funny for awhile, but based on the fact that we’re supposed to be finding an American Idol, this was hideous, ridiculous.”

Then he adds, to Ryan, “I liked him last week, big mouth.”

Lakisha sang a beautiful and compelling “Jesus Take the Wheel,” and Simon said, “You know, it’s like eating a hamburger for breakfast—they don’t go together, and I don’t think you and that song go together at all. It was like halfway through you thought ‘I’m going to give it the Lakisha treatment,’ [but] there was no soul to it…. You absolutely blew us away eight weeks ago with the Jennifer Holiday song, and [that’s what you’ve got to do: choose the right song].”

Chris did what I thought was a cacophonic “Mayberry,” and Simon said, after tsking, “Oh, Paula, Paula, Paula…,” “I think sometimes this audience and me are hearing different things. I mean, they gave you a standing ovation, but what I heard was a very nondescript, nasally, tinny vocal which had no impact on me at all. Completely and utterly insignificant—the whole thing.”

Melinda performed a soulful country-styled blend for “Trouble is a Woman,” and Simon said, “Melinda, I’m about to compliment you, and I’m gonna ask you to lose the surprise. It was fantastic. It was a great choice of song; you looked

much better than last week; I saw a little bit of a Tina Turner thing going on; [and] you had your southern thing…. But you have to lose the ‘what? I’m a great singer?’”
And Blake did a strange but seductive “When the Stars Go Blue,” and Simon said, “It wasn’t a jumping-out-of-my-chair performance, Blake; I thought it was okay. I’m with Randy [that] maybe it was a wise thing not to go the route not suited to you….”

Simon also rolled his eyes while Chris was talking about his friends at Virginia Tech (but was actually rolling at Paula [which was clarified later, by way of silent/separate cams]; then spoke with respect a statement for all the families at Virginia Tech, saying, “I want to add on behalf of Randy, Paula, and myself, our hearts go out to the families as well. It was a hard week for you…,” but reiterating that Blake’s performance was just okay.

And, later, after Sanjaya had been finally yanked off the stage with that popular hook, and off the set of American Idol, predicted for the East Coast FOX channel news folk that he saw in the top three Melinda, Jordan, and Blake.

Wonder what he said—off-off-camera—about Sanjaya going home…finally?

SirLinksAlot American Idol links

Celebrity Spider Simon Cowell links

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