The Second Installment of Season Six Simonisms
The Second Installment of Season Six Simonisms by Roxanne McDonald
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Granted, either Simon is getting tired or the judges have agreed he tone down his torturous commentaries, so the critiques are tamer this season, but the delightful debasing of Idol hopefuls who have no chance (have no business auditioning) is still apparent. |
Sure, we have to give him more credit this the sixth season of American Idol—for being softer with the more sensitive auditioners, for even using endearing terms and all. But the creative and thoughtful quipping also continues to make for worthy entertainment. Here is the second series of Simonese:
~I thought it was corny, cabaret, over the top….
~I couldn’t understand a word of that….
~I’ll tell you what it was like: it was like how we’ve all been to those weddings where we get drunk, [and] after a few beers get up on the stage and everybody sings “Footloose”. [Then fall off the stage.]
[To a woman auditioning in a revealing halter dress]
~Well, J–, you are a handful.
~What are we supposed to say after that?
~Let me give you an item of advice in show business: when someone’s down… kick them.
[After a contestant says her name repeatedly, “Pong…Pong…Pong] ~Honestly, PingPong, whatever your name is….
[To a guy with a Neil Sedaka voice]
~The reality is you should be singing in a dress and stilettos.
[To an opera singer who gives three very different samples of singing and who has been asked who she wants to be in the competition, the opera singer, the alternative singer, or the pop singer]
~You’re all coming to Hollywood.
~Hideous.
~That was fantastically terrible.
[Regarding a severely coo-coo Idol hopeful who goes off on why why why and please please please, etc.]
~I don’t think rational advice is necessary here.
~This is like judging a pet show.
~You have to shut up.
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