The Cheese Factor in Corkscrewed: The Wrath of Grapes

The Cheese Factor in Corkscrewed: The Wrath of Grapes by Roxanne McDonald

The Hollywood moguls do whatever it takes to be accepted by the citizens of Paso Robles.

While Ken Warwick is evidently [happily] obligated elsewhere, Nigel Lythgoe makes the perfunctory appearance at Paso Robles’ 76th annual Pioneer Day—where he puts on a good front as he is made the official bean-stirrer, as he is singled out by one of the matrons or emcees, as he sits for the truck and tractor parade (making “Oh, God” faces at the camera), as he is “arrested” for not having a Paso Robles support badge (which costs a buck donation) and hauled away in a cattle truck, and as he mingles with the locals.

But what’s fun about this episode of “Corkscrewed: The Wrath of Grapes” is not only how he makes the token

gestures to get to know the little people (so they will do business with him and Nigel) and how you know he is just barely tolerating the events and socializing, but how he slips in his sarcasm and jabs.
When the little old lady (I still don’t know what her role is at Pioneer Day) tells him this is their 76th celebration and yes, they have a grand marshall and a queen, Nigel quips that 76 queens is more than they have in all of West Hollywood.

When the townspeople come off the parade floats— especially off the one which delighted Nigel most, with the old pioneers in bath tubs and accompanied by saloon beauties (pros of yore)—Nigel chats them up and all. Word has spread he is the guy from “So You Think You Can Dance,” so, like the writer who has to endure the jokes and ideas of partygoers, he puts up with the ones who brag of being able to dance, the ones who want pictures with him, and those who indeed want to dance with him (though he is posing as kind and asks a septuagenarian for a waltz in the street). Nigel then gets to socialize with the women of the saloon of yore, and though they insist they are “not customer service” women, Nigel stresses, “You look like you [are]!” And everyone laughs, albeit uncomfortably.

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Just When We Thought TV Couldn’t Get Any Richer…Corkscrewed: The Wrath of Grapes Alreading Making for Great Viewing

Just When We Thought TV Couldn’t Get Any Richer…Corkscrewed: The Wrath of Grapes Already Making for Great Viewing by Roxanne McDonald

Two TV moguls with two popular shows decide to buy a vineyard. Are we jealous? Not when we see the risks they have to take and the crap they have to endure….

“Corkscrewed: the Wrath of Grapes” aired on FOX Reality TV last night (December 10, 2006). With the first few minutes of watching, we might infer how oh, great, another show about the rich getting richer: executive producer of “America’s Got Talent,” Ken Warrick, and executive producer of “So You Think You Can Dance” and co-executive producer of “American Idol,” Nigel Lythgoe (close friends since childhood), get the idea to invest in a vineyard.

Numbers like 6 mil and 2 mil a piece are bandied about. Randy Jackson, Simon Cowell, Ryan Seacrest, and friend Simon Fuller are asked to buy in. All agree, with some reticence. Then they start pulling out—one at a time they have they have their reasons. Cowell says they don’t have an inkling about wines, and Fuller has another contractual obligation which prohibits his participation.
Then the already in-place contracts with vintners erode: the vintners pointedly rescind because they prefer to do business with those who “have an interest” in the Paso Robles community. (In other words, Nigel and Ken are, as they infer, Hollywood types, from England—strangers who have no business in the wine business?)

Then the heat gets so bad that the owls die, throwing off the eco-balance and inviting the gophers and other burrowing and plant-munching critters back onto the property…by the hundreds. They have to “blow up” the critters.

Then there’s a fire that almost wipes out the crop of newly planted grape plants.

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