One More Trashing and One Last Trophy

One Last Existential Moment, One More Trashing, and One Last Trophy Make the B-listers Household Names, if Nothing Else by Roxanne McDonald

One unlikely decision by Ron Jeremy plus more destructive outburst for miscreant Rob’s road make for one unexpected grand prize winner, permanent A-lister, Traci Bingham, and wrap up “Surreal Life Fame Games.”

The grand finale of “Surreal Life Fame Games” remained true to the definition of the word “finale” as much as Rob remained consistent and true to his viewers’ anticipation of his fits.

The four finalists, Rob Van Winkle, a. k. a. Vanilla Ice, Traci Bingham, Pepa, and Ron Jeremy, are put to the final tasks:

A scripting promo for the number one sponsor of the show, GoldenPalace.net

Rob rewrites the whole thing, and delivers a speedy 31-second ad.
Traci just wears a GoldenPalace.net crop-top and acts really cute.
Pepa delivers a serious come-on, from a seated position.
Ron is also a sober salesman, adding, “…and it’s free!”

A focus group session

The host asks the group to determine which ad is most compelling:

About Rob’s ad—one says she always thought he was hot; another says he is modern, what with his tats and all. Rob’s delivery makes another want to seriously check out the Golden Palace for free lessons in poker, etc..
About Ron’s ad—the group laughs. They know he’s a porn star, one says; they know of his endowment, another adds. But another says he is sleazy, and still another admits to not hearing a word, being too busy looking at him and thinking about all of the above.

Traci’s ad performance—one guy is so riveted, all he can say when the clip is done is “I’m sold.” The host asks for associations, and one tester, unaware of what associations means, I guess, says she believed what Traci was saying. Another says the boobs were a major distraction, while a third or fourth guy says it didn’t matter what she was selling…. Uh-oh.

Pepa’s ad performance—they were pretty raw with Pepa, saying everything from how they didn’t believe her at all because she appeared to trying to act instead of “talking to us” to how she looked like she was trying to be sexy [just because she followed Traci?] and wasn’t sexy at all to someone saying, “I don’t know her; I didn’t know her; I don’t want to know her.”

Traci turns to Rob and asks what is up with his winning everything, and “Are you [even] human?”

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Troyer, Vern Troyer: From MiniMe to Tattoo Two to Playboy

Troyer, Vern Troyer: From MiniMe to Tattoo Two to Playboy by Roxanne McDonald

What a man, what a man, what a man….

Vern was one of my favorites on Surreal Life Fame Games, what with all his seriousness and cynicism, but he was certainly coming out of his reclusive shell by the time he had to leave.

Vern Troyer, better known as Mini-Me before “Surreal Life…” got hold of him, began this game as a mock Herve Villechaize as “Tatoo” character, as sidekick to Robin Leach’s Ricardo Montalban announcer/host persona.

He was serious then.

Vern was also most sober when he was asked to actually play the “Surreal Life Fame Games,” when they need a replacement for Jordan Knight—who has to leave due to a death in the family.

Then Vern goes into immediate sulk mode, as he and his kind of Nemesis (at least, surely his opposite), Chyna Doll, are relegated first to the B-list wing which is like hot dogs compared to the mansion’s caviar and pate.
Still like the mascot malcontent, Vern does start to participate more and begins to show his attentive side—to anyone who is upset (like Rob Van Winkle, who is always upset), though he is easily disturbed and disgusted and typically isolates from the mental maniacs.

Then he shows the kind Vern, the Vern who pacifies the upset Chyna when she has to leave, who commiserates with buddy Emmanuel when it’s his turn to go, who comforts Tracy when she is sad (or drunk). (read more…)

What Tantrum is on this Agenda This Week, Rob?

What Tantrum is on this Agenda This Week, Rob? And why isn’t One in Opposition to Andrea Ready to Rock the Mansion? by Roxanne McDonald

If it weren’t for Rob Van Winkle flipping out consistently, “Surreal Life Fame Games” would not be all that fun or all that surreal. Oh, wait, there’s the contender who thinks that A-list celebrity etiquette includes cheating. Ugh.

Andrea is tired; Pepa’s not happy about Andrea’s previous win (which she stole, technically, from Chyna Doll); Traci’s not happy about Andrea’s win. The stage is set, what with Traci saying she will remember that in order to get ahead in this game she will need to cry.

Rob, however, has celebrity strategies of his own (though he starts out all profound and suggesting they take this day off as a day to relax and enjoy the time).

At the first challenge, where the remaining A-listers do not know they are actually doing a challenge—at a gated-off

pool at the Tropicana— lovely girls flirt with Vern, while a lovely long-haired hunk sidles up to Rob and actually sits down on Rob’s lounge chair. I don’t know if Rob is aware of the symbolism, but after he tries to get Vern (“buddy”) to take off with him and [whatever you wanna do I’ll watch] Vern chooses to stay…Rob throws that very lounge chair in the pool. This of course gets the whole gang booted.Hey Rob, this aint the rock star challenge.

They have some drinks. Well, Traci has some many rubber chicken drinks.
While Andrea is “shocked” (and she just needs to keep her principles—ha—to herself); Ron is annoyed; and Traci reasons that somebody is going home tomorrow. This is intransigent Rob’s cue to start something, so he asks why she is thinking about that tonight, though. “That’s tomorrow,” he says.

Okay, maybe he was being truly authentically nice?

When Robin Leach reports how they have just completed a challenge they were not even aware they were doing, you can see Rob’s face/eyes searching for the trigger. (He even says to the confession cam that he was thinking, “Okay, what are they gonna try to do?”) Robin introduces writer/gossip monger Chris Wilson, who assesses the photos for their good and bad sensationalism. Vern wins, cause his agent would likely release the sexy photos; and everybody else gets bad marks…but in the bottom three, uh-oh. Is Rob Van Winkle, whose photos clearly suggest a gay scandal possibility.

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Rob Van Winkle Needs Some Ice, Ice, Baby

Rob Van Winkle Needs Some Ice, Ice, Baby by Roxanne McDonald

Surreal Life Fame Gamer Vanilla Ice is all about tantrums…again.

We saw him flip out when fellow Fame Gamers had visitors who happened to also be strippers, and one of the strippers was laying on his bed. He thought since the game was televised it showed disrespect for him by implying to his watching wife that he had a whore in the bedroom while she be at home rattling the pots and pans in the kitchen.

We saw him tear a bunch of promo posters of a board. Etc. Etc.

Of course, he didn’t say it that way, but instead flipped out and loudly said how the Surreal Life Fame Games A-List House “looked like a whore house.” This caused misunderstandings and Traci Bingham then got insulted and into the mix, defending the stripper, and all.

Once again, Van Winkle is having a fit over disrespect. Again.

The remaining house guests face a rating challenge. They must call as many celebrity friends as they can. They get points. However, Kennedy is host and judge, deciding what point-value each successful phone call garners.
“This is disrespectful to them, to all of us!!!”

After storming out, causing that Playboy chickie to lose a point or something, Rob is coaxed and coddled back in, where Kennedy very severely but calmly justifies her position as a former MTVeejay and current reality program host—both which qualify her “absolutely” to rank the celebrities to be receiving calls.

Of course they have to watch as Kennedy ranks the individual names on the list, and they get pissed that names like Ricky Carmichael gets a higher position than Russell Simmons. As Kennedy is putting the names on the board (50 names ranked 1st to 50th), they are seeing how Rob’s “friends” are getting a higher status.

Andrea Lowell starts crying. (She has told the cams she doesn’t even know who Ricky Carmichael is….) So Kennedy suddenly has a change of heart—or head, and elevates the status of one of her calls.

Still, Rob Van Winkle has the most hissy fits…er, I mean points…and he “wins”. Again.

Eric Stoltz and others, Ron Jeremy says, are million-dollar-a-pop actors, so they are likely poorly ranked. Jesse Jackson Jr. Carrot Top. Beverly the model (can’t recall her last name). George Clooney. Kennedy’s status-deciding is challenged, but Kennedy isn’t in the house, so she really could give two shits. Chyna Doll is out of the game. She didn’t, she said, follow Kennedy’s logic, and Traci is baffled that Chyna had bigger names than Andrea but Andrea cried, so Kennedy changed the status of names on the board for tears not for fame quality. Well, unruly and ratty and bratty wins again. Hmmm.

SirLinksAlot Surreal Life Fame Games

Celebs Remind Us Surreal Life is Just a Game

Celebs Remind Us Surreal Life is Just a Game by Roxanne McDonald

While he typically takes life in the house the most seriously, Vern Troyer reminds everyone that Surreal Life Fame Games are just that. Emmanuel Lewis then confirms the fact, saying friendship is all that matters.

During a bizarre dinner with the celebs wearing sombreros, the A- and B-listers get to ask each other kind of Truth or Dare without the Dare questions. The bigger issues are who has what or whom as a thorn in his or her side. Manny’s thorn, for example, is a “troubled B List”. Many are stuck by Ron’s relentless jokes. Vern’s thorn for the week is Rob and his dramatics. And his not paying attention to others. As Vern says, Rob must be going deaf, cause he won’t listen. Vern gets disgusted early and goes to bed.

A new challenge has both teams trying to collect as many non-hookers into their VIP lounges as possible. All the women in the challenge have been told to lie (if they are hookers, that is).

After the A List has only two hookers in fifteen women they have invited, to the B List’s four hookers, the outcome points to another B-Lister going home.

Rob passes word (or rumors) that somebody is going to “throw” the game, and that Manny is “manipulating” people somehow, and Vern, who has been approached by Rob, says he is confused. We all are, Vern.
Rob then says he just doesn’t want Vern to “throw” the game. But once the Back to Reality challenge reveals that Chyna can identify all three of three pieces of real versus fake jewelry, and Vern and Manny cannot spot one single piece correctly, the face-off sees Manny packing his bags. This is when the stoic but loving Vern Troyer reminds Tracy or Pepa (I can’t remember, already) that after all, this is “just a game.”

Manny holds no grudges either, and in the room where he is packing he too says the game is just that. He adds, “Vern and I are good friends…. We’re cool. [Our friendship] is what matters”…and that he and Vern are good friends and will be when this is all over.

God let it be over soon.

SirLinksAlot Surreal Life links

Surreal Life Fame Gamers Boo-hoo about Getting B-listed

Surreal Life Fame Gamers Boo-hoo about Getting B-listed by Roxanne McDonald

The hardest, most humiliating part of competing on the all-star version of The Surreal Life is landing on the B List. But as one of them acknowledges, they will all end up going back to their real lives anyway, so who cares?

Still, the contestants are taking their fate on Surreal Life Fame Games quite seriously:

Chyna Doll gets terribly unnerved when she gets the fewest picks of her as one to pose with fans.

Ron Jeremy is indignant when his acting talents (which he boasts include a history of so many hundreds of “feature” films?) are graded harshly (he is like fifth worst in this acting competition the show designs for the last A-List B-List competition).

Vern Troyer sulks for the first three weeks—either because he has been coerced into replacing Jordan Knight (when he has to leave due to a death in the family) or because he is the first, along with Chyna, to be exiled to the B-List wing of the mansion…where, as Robin Leach describes it, the B-listers will enjoy shabby surroundings, substandard

amenities, and the lingering stench of mediocrity.
And Brigitte takes the slight of the A-listers getting better treatment at the casinos, combined with a toe tag joke played on her by Ron while she is sleeping, as slight enough to impel her right out the door.

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The Surreal Life Fame Game and its Sensitive Stars

The Surreal Life Fame Game and its Sensitive Stars by Roxanne McDonald

Working to make the A List is, well, hard work.

Vh1 has brought back Surreal Life stars—to make a superstar out of one of the ten competing celebrities. First, the line-up:

Pepa, one half of the Salt n Pepa dynamic duo of pop/hip-hop.
Ron Jeremy, the porn star with a record (of numbers, not illegalities).
Jordan Knight, from the Back Street Boys—who learns the first night in the A List mansion that his grandmother has passed and who therefore leaves the show….
Vern Troyer, best known as Mini-Me, unwittingly replaces Jordan, though he begins the show as a mock Herve Villechaize/Tatoo character, as sidekick to Robin Leach’s Ricardo Montalban announcer/host persona.

Traci Bingham, known from Baywatch—as one of the Babes.
Chyna Doll, the female wrestler and actress.
Brigitte Neilsen, model, actress, and amazon attraction (who has hooked up with Sly Stallone in real life and Flava Flav on The Surreal Life).
Emmanuel Lewis, world-renowned as a little guy who was the darling Webster with the darling giggle.
CC Deville, Poison’s lead guitarist (who has lost the “glam” but not the humor).
Rob Van Winkle, a.k.a. Vanilla Ice.
Andrea Lowell, of Playboy TV.

Now the real life Surreal Life human side:

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