Tip Your Hats to the Hottest and Most Helpless

Tip Your Hats to the Hottest and Most Helpless of “Survivor: China” by Roxanne McDonald

Don’t we love that the most deserving got the popularity prize…, and do we care that the poorest and yet the next most deserving weaseled 50k out of Mark Burnett?

Yes, I am fussing after the fact (having just done my own personal version of “Survivor”: having finally re-settled after a 3,000 mile move of thirty years’ worth of living away from

home and having been away from my TV and TiVo to set up, get dentistry work done, and learn to shovel storms of snow again). But I have to add my illustrious opinions regarding two events, if you will—1) James Clement getting the 100k popularity prize and 2) Denise Martin getting the pity prize…a donation of 50k from Mark Burnett himself.
Okay, so first, James. Ohhhh, yeahhh. He was THE HOTTEST “Survivor” contestant ever. What a delight it was to watch even physical competitions that may have been getting stale for “Survivor” fanatics (if that’s possible). Even my sister, an artist who works twenty hours a day and has NO interest in television (which she doesn’t own and requests I keep my set out of seeing and hearing distance), happened to pop in to ask me something and catching a glimpse of that ebony demi-god issued an “oomph, baby, is he gorgeous).

Anyway, not that James should win big bucks for being a babe…, but should definitely win the popularity vote for being unassuming, gentle in his approach (no cheating, back-stabbing, or poor-me-ing, as Peih-Gee so endlessly bullshitted us with), and tricked into losing.

Sure, Todd, et.al. and their scheming was a clever and well-done coup and all, but oh how we Jamesians wanted someone wholesome and deserving to take that title in the end…, if only to break the cycle of reputation of such shows glorifying not out-wit, outlast, outplay but out-connive, out-lie, out-cheat. Of all of the players, James could do with a financial boost.

That is, he was most needful besides Denise. She said it in the final episode before the finale, how the cutesy or the cool would get extended gigs modeling, acting, etc., but she would be going back to her seven-dollar-an-hour job as a lunch lady if she didn’t place in the final three/didn’t win.

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Out of the Mouths of Rubes

Out of the Mouths of Rubes by Roxanne McDonald

What the hell, Peih-Gee and Jaime, what the hell?

As if these messy little switches aren’t bad enough, nasty little Peih-Gee tosses sabotage into the mix. What if producers decide to teach you a lesson and keep the

teams the way they are? You just forfeited one of the strongest members of either tribe.
The switch brought out the sanest, the best, and the worst in each of the remaining players.

James – Considered a great athlete and “immunity hog,” James offers to work for Zhan Hu, telling us he has to work his way into the system all over again.

Sherea feels like she is starting over [too], and says her tribe never thought Fei Long would get to pick also—just that Zhan Hu would have two new, strong members. She also admits to not being the hardest of workers on her tribe, so here at the Fei Long camp she is going to have to step it up.

Todd, as ever, is ready to forge new bonds—excited as he is to meet and greet and shmooze in his favor.

Frosti is also instantly deflated, saying he feels outnumbered by old Fei Long members. Cautious but clever, Frosti looks to find where he can make himself most useful, for, as he tells us, that’s gonna keep him around.

John Robert, still irritating the hell out of every tribemate, makes a token gesture to wake early and cook breakfast and check traps—saying he will give his tribe a head start for the day. But still referring to himself in the third person, he reports that today was a bad day for Fei Long and a god-awful day for John Robert.

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Survivor China Astrology

Survivor China Astrology by Roxanne McDonald

Does it matter that thus far, more fire signs (five) and more rabbits (three) have won “Survivor” than any other signs? Does the fact that Aaron and John are Rabbit and Dog signs, respectively, contribute to how they have consistently been at odds? Does it make sense that Amanda, a Leo, and Todd, an Aquarius, have made the first alliance?

I’ll leave the speculation to you, and offer just some surface research details here (not including already

eliminated contestants):

By Western Astrological Terms

Aaron Reisberger born April 25, 1975 Taurus (earth)
Amanda Kimmel born August 3, 1984 Leo (fire)
Courtney Yates born March 26, 1981 Aries (fire)
Dave Cruser born October 26, 1969 Scorpio (water)
Denise Martin born May 5, 1967 Taurus (earth)
Erik Huffman born January 31, 1981 Aquarius (air)
Frosti Zernow born February 15, 1987 Aquarius (air)
Jaime Dugan born June 30, 1985 Cancer (water)
James Clement born March 9, 1977 Pisces (water)
Jean-Robert Bellande born September 17, 1970 Virgo (earth)
Leslie Nease born March 25, 1969 Aries (fire)
Peih-Gee Law born April 7, 1978 Aries (fire)
Sherea Lloyd born July 31, 1081 Leo (fire)
Todd Herzog born January 29, 1985 Aquarius (air)

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Survivor Early Alliances and Interesting Approaches

Survivor Early Alliances and Interesting Approaches by Roxanne McDonald

Not only does this season of “Survivor” offer earlier than usual conflicts and clashes but introduces some interesting (odd, but interesting) survival strategies.

Granted, it is pretty clear from the start of every season who is the bossy one, who is the workhorse keeping his/her

mouth shut, and who will likely be the snake in the grass (or trees). But it seems this season on “Survivor”, the in-fighting has started exceptionally early.

Dave is either a source of half the altercations in Zhan Hu with his arrogant, passive-aggressive, and just downright nasty comments or is being unfairly represented by traditional editing. Methinks it is some of both.

Dave nags for his people to get a fire pit built; discounts Peih-Gee’s [albeit stubborn and consistently bossy and obnoxious] disagreements over location logistics.

Dave gives a snide response about wishful thinking to Jaime when she softly as ever suggests they can build the pit, start a fire, and eat something for strength for the next challenge.

Dave then gets into an unnecessary stand-off with Ashley, making his commands as he does but then following up with pejorative and debasing explanations that set Ashley off and acting just as impudent as he.

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Shanghai Survivors Set the Outeverything Tone

Shanghai Survivors Set the Outeverything Tone by Roxanne McDonald

There’s already one who is overdoing it on the bossy front, one overconfident but socially clumsy member, one crying Christian….

Every time I see that car commercial suggesting it can “outeverything”, I think of “Survivor”. This the fifteenth season introduced to us last night the new cast of

characters who have already begun their outeverythinging:
Surf instructor Aaron Reisberger has already established himself as a leader, but a reluctant one who sees his tribe as floundering but who also doesn’t want to invite the using of his back for target practice, either.

Hiking guide Amanda Kimmel has already set a few minds on something other than the game—stripping down to her undies and making more than one viewer comment on nothing more than her appearance. Actually, Amanda has stayed in the background for the most part, keeping her mouth shut, working hard, and only occasionally “socializing”. From what we at home saw, anyway.

Pro wrestler Ashley Massaro has already set herself up for early ousting, somehow coming off as pretentious and presumptuous at the same time—posing as a super athlete, getting sick the first day at camp, reclining still on day two as the others work and stare, and then mouthing off at Tribal Council…as if she had contributed so proudly all along.

Chicken farmer Chicken Morris has already, or had already, started opining more than pounding…on the shelters and whatnot, and alienated himself so early he earned the first elimination.

Waitress Courtney Yates has already defined her role as tribe snot, hating on everything and everyone who is “positive”, which she has mocked, moaned about, and rolled her moping eyes at several times over.

Bartender and former model Dave Cruser (who I hope is not sick, as he already looks like he has been there for weeks) has already defined his role as leader, especially for his championing of the tribe as a whole and his cheering on and cheering up individuals on the edge of despondency… already.

School lunch lady Denise Martin has already stumbled a couple of times, but has stayed pretty quiet, neither boasting or balking, so it will take a few more challenges to determine her place as either underdog or dark horse or fish out of water or Susan Hawk throwback.

Musician Erik Huffman has already, it seems, made himself to be one of the logical ones as well as one of the powerhouses of the group. He doesn’t come off as being the one to speak often or all that loudly, but when he does speak, his mates appear to listen up.

Athlete and youngest-ever Survivor Frosti Zernow has already gotten a little too giddy about his offering himself as the small and fast one, ever-friendly but overconfident in his positive but aggressive participation.

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Worst Bedmates: Survivor Jenna and Snake-eater

Worst Bedmates: Survivor Jenna and Snake-eater by Roxanne McDonald

And the irony, hypocrisy, or whatever you want to call it continues.

Yeah, it’s reeeeally subtle irony, but take one Jenna Morasca [whom I am NOT about to bash, as she is awesome and is

one of my colleague’s all-time favs], nude. Add one Ethan Zone, nude. [Yeah, you can feel the temperatures arisin….] Put an apple in Jenna’s hand, and pose her as if she is about to seduce Ethan with it.

You have one of the oldest allusions in the history of mankind, but you also have a PETA poster, one which reads, “We’d rather go naked than wear fur.”

Now, all good. But then have some doorknob, some yahoo, audition for “Survivor: China” by trying to trump the other ten thousand [not actual number] auditioners by pulling a live rattlesnake from a case, skinning and eating it…alive.

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Survivor Inland and All-star to Boot?

Survivor Inland and All-star…as in non-Survivor Celebrity Cast? by Roxanne McDonald

Some rumors have been confirmed, some are still circulating…and who knows which are which?

The fifteenth installment of “Survivor” is reported to be taking place not on an island—as fourteen other seasons were—but inland, in China.

It has also been conjectured that “Survivor: China” will be of an all-star composition.

And reports now as of yet barely confirmed, if that, include how one of the contestants are WWF pro wrestler Asley Massaro (according to TMZ, 6-13-07) and professional poker player Jean-Robert Bellande (according to the leaked rumor at the official CBS Survivor China site) will fight for the prize. (read more…)