More Conflict and Contradiction, More Anger and Alcohol for The Agency

More Conflict and Contradiction, More Anger and Alcohol for The Agency by Roxanne McDonald

They look for thin and tall; then a chosen model is too tall. They find flaws; then the photographers and others point out those “flaws” as assets. What’s really going on at that Agency?

First, let me start with a small disclaimer. I have an interest in the show but may be cheeky about the agents—bitching about their contradictory natures when I in fact contradict myself often. I take notes, but often miss full names or the correct names or the spelling of names—and doing extra research on Vh1 is not only time-consuming (the pages take forever to load) but less than fruitful, as they have a poorly demarcated bios/names section (my point being that it is a most frustrating-to-navigate site…most user-unfriendly). And I have no beauty industry background and am in fact just an intrigued viewer (what else could programming execs want, right?) who looks more like a candidate for “The Swan” than any reality TV beauty recruit show.

That said, here are my grousing observations for episode 3 [I think]:

Peter is first up on the episode that continues to scout for beautiful boys and girls to make Wilhelmina some money but that also introduces the agents having to answer to higher powers (no, not gods, but they may as well be). Peter has to report to Deiter and Brad on what the crunch-time plans are.

The agents have found a hot male model and a beautiful female model. However, Becky is as bitchy as ever,

starting her latest tirade with “Oh. My. God.” going on with how a good model is moving all the time, every time and how Ariane must change herself every shot and how she’s a bit stiff and she’s a model, and ending with comments to Carlos how Ariane’s skin is “funky” and she’s a bit “tall” and she “didn’t know how to model.”
Uh. First, did they not consume a whole episode with desperate searches for tall and thin models? Did Carlos not approve wholeheartedly? Do they not invite Ariane back for the Cristo show in Barcelona? And, does another expert [I missed his name] not tell her she has “amazing skin, really gorgeous”? Does Becky even know what she is talking about, then?

I get it, Becky is a shill, a plant, a pull-in-viewers character.

Pink is just as if not more than disgusted with his colleague. He says she goes “launching into a whole stream of negativity”—which he can’t have.

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Agents, Heal Thyselves

Agents, Heal Thyselves by Roxanne McDonald

One fat and tattooed, one bitchy and a drunk. And they decide who’s right for making them some money.

Kind of like a clandestine trailer trash (sorry, Mr. Trump) husband and wife who decide they are gonna seduce some young thing into satisfying their needs for fame and fortune, Pink and Becky make it their goal to seek out “tall and skinny.” Repeatedly, they announce their aim is to find “tall and skinny.” Repeatedly, they reduce the beauty industry as it is so well explored in “America’s Next Top Model” to two half-assed agents searching for Olive Oyl.

But they don’t round up a single skinny and tall, not even an ugly one. That in itself is pitiful—that they go on a quiet search and get zero positive results, when, again, a production like ANTM can elicit a response that lines up around the studio and down the block.

Pink is a fat, conceited, middle-aged man in tats and a bathing suit that falls below his sizeable belly. He falls into the swimming pool rather than slipping all suavely in. He ends up deciding on one short, mediocre girl to pounce on.

Becky is a shrill, sloppy in bodily movements woman with stringy hair and an aggressive attitude that is not all that consistent but instead is more self-serving one minute and abrasive in rejection of all that is potential Agency fare the next. She’s also a lush—out drinking with tagalong smoky-throated Lola in a Hicksville bar instead of focusing on the task at hand.

Back at the Agency, Greg is lying to Tommy Hilfiger’s assistant (or casting director, or someone), then pulls in the kid he wants to pimp out to Hilfiger and forces him to lie, too.

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