Mock Red Carpet Results

Mock Red Carpet Results: “The Next Best Thing” Finale by Roxanne McDonald

Elvis rules!

Not surprised Elvis won, though I kinda preferred the Elvis in the powder blue jacket and bucks: Donny Edwards.

Oh, boy. Now I am gonna get all kinds of flack from the Trent Carlini fans, followers, and advocates.

[See “The Next Best Thing” message boards where they are nuts about Trent.] Sorry, peeps; I just think Edwards is a better singer and much more in the Elvis voice, and I can’t help but still get creeped out by the oddly shaped face and space age contact lenses Carlini has/wears.
But he won, so I have been outnumbered, clearly.

Here’s a quick recap of the “The Next Best Thing” finale, complete with red carpet ceremony led by a Joan Rivers impersonator who sort of introduced the Final Ten:

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Second Five Fantastic Finalists

Second Five Fantastic Finalists for “The Next Best Thing” by Roxanne McDonald

The second round of “The Next Best Thing” semi-finals ushers five more super talents on to the big stage–making for the Terrific Ten finalists we will get to vote for starting next week.

Gary Moore starts the night right with his smacking of verisimilitude rendition of Little Richard, whom Moore calls “the architect of rock and roll,” doing “Good Golly Miss Molly.”

Lisa Ann says that is exactly how she felt watching him…”Whooooo!”

Jeffrey tells Moore he is the first to really rock the house, and calls him “Big Richard” for that night.

Roger Cabler does an adorable Robin Williams—with stunningly accurate physicality, facial expressions, and Williams sounds [spanning over Williams whole career], and his jokes are original and cute.

Jeffrey jokes that he is so hairy, and asks if he was in Gorillas in the Mist. Roger quips “Yeah, me and Diane Fosse, Fosse, Fosse…remember that one?”

Elon says that as much as he is against wearing fur, Roger nailed the impersonation, used the whole stage, just exactly what Robin would do, he says, and concludes by adding that he is awesome.

Sharon Owens does a remarkable Barbra Streisand, with just enough exaggeration of tics unique to Barbra to make her rendition of “The Way We Were” a ringer.

Jeffery jokes that she really put her nose into it, and says that was aesome.
Lisa Ann tells her to “go girl…,” but to come right back and sing again. Lisa Ann also tells her she loves her.

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Now How Did SHE Make it to the Semi-finals?!

Now How Did SHE Make it to the Semi-finals?! by Roxanne McDonald

Of the thousands (okay, hundreds) of great impersonators—meeting the three criteria for “Next Best Thing”—how in hell did a horrible Madonna-wannabe make it to that stage?

God help us. Somebody has to. There were twenty-eight semi-finalists…. But how many auditioned? Twenty-eight thousand? And don’t tell me that was the best Madonna. (Methinks they fell mesmerized by her beauty mark or eyes asparkle….

Then again, what do I know? I thought of all the Tina Turners we saw, the one to go through was the least

likely—and then was my mind ever changed. Here are the performers for the first night (again sometimes without real names, as I can’t understand, I miss, or I go into a coma or something; would be great if like “America’s Got Talent or American Idol the names were flashed on the screen?):
Tina Turner did “What’s Love Got to Do with It?” and was brilliant—from her facial expressions to her energy level to being in tune and well-timed with her delivery to the way she slid her mouth back over her teeth to the little cha-cha scurry dance thing the real Tina does onstage.

Elon said she gave the reall Tina Turner a run for her money, was awesome. Jeffrey said he would love to see her and the real Tina Turner in a Turner-off; and that she did such a great job that everyone to follow had a lot to live up to.

George W. Bush [John Morgan] did his enetertaining schtick. I’m sorry, I just shut down about five words in. Ick.

Jeffrey asked, “Mr. President, the whole world wants to know: are you smarter than a fifth grader?” Lisa Ann thought he was funny; and Elon told him it looks like his brother doesn’t have to be the president of NBC for him to win this one, that it was great.

Elvis did a spot on “Heartbreak Hotel,” a good choice of song in my opinion, as many E impersonators choose a slow or less-than-sexy (if that’s possible) song and then try to make the famous pelvis action fit…when it doesn’t. This Elvis (I think the guy is the one everybody is all achatter about over at the NBT message boards) was beautiful and skillful and yeah, a tad egotistical…. So what.

Lisa Ann found it very exciting to watch Elvis again, so exciting she felt like a young Ann Margaret. Hey, I bet that’s not the first time she has been likened to the sex kitten of the sixties. Elon, speaking on behalf of all the politically challenged, said they had seen so many Elvises that the fact that he made it this far speaks to how awesome he is.

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Viewers Voice Complaints about The Next Best Thing

Viewers Voice Complaints about “The Next Best Thing” by Roxanne McDonald

I didn’t know I was so alone in loving “The Next Best Thing”—but I am glad to find others are disappointed in lack of information outside of air times.

LACK of VERIFIABLE INFO

The first and most frustrating thing is that we have nowhere to go to verify the results as they occur on each of the audition episodes. The official website is still in the gestation stage, only offering a summary/teaser of the show, its contents, and the four names—of the judges and the host.

This leads to the next discussion, of the message boards on the site. The first couple of weeks, there were so few posts dealing directly with “The Next Best Thing” that refugee AMC [I assume “All My Children”] fans, who had apparently “lost” their boards, flocked to what they deemed a “ghost” board site.

JUDGES’ QUALIFICATIONS

Once those who were actually watching the show started posting, though, the discussions picked up. Unfortunately, and in opposition to my general regard for “The Next Best Thing,” people were dismissing this summer “crap” because they didn’t appreciate the judges’ humor, didn’t think the

judges were “old” enough to value the older-than-they contestants/characters [I think this was in reference to the yodeling Patsy Montana], and because in general they found the show to be a waste of their precious TV-viewing time.

But drilling deeper and most recently into the discussion, I came away with more specific, more articulate concerns—those commented on and explained by a most knowledgeable lvegas1966.

First, let’s acknowledge that the assumptions, the inferences, the speculations that hold that shills or beards for a show could and do read and participate on the show’s boards…so it is possible that lvegas1966 is part of the “Next Best Thing” production to some capacity or other. This makes sense, as I know of instances where agents (not as in law) of productions have not only read but responded to some TV Robot articles my colleague wrote a while back, for example. These people have also identified themselves.

But anyway.

Whether lvegas is part of or a viewer of, he/she is most thoughtful, knowledgeable, and even pretty forgiving and patient when it comes to the other knee-jerk posters.

My point is that amidst the theories and complaints, or in spite of the lack of valid, verifiable info elsewhere, I was lucky enough to happen upon some interesting “trivia”, if you will:

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Viva la Vegas Loca

Viva la Vegas Loca by Roxanne McDonald

Thanks to some gutsy auditioners and some caraaazy editing, the final auditions episode in Las Vegas is a blast.

In fact, as I ready myself to announce the semi-finalists, I realize that the crazy and speedy delivery of audition material is going to leave my list wanting.

I know, I know, that TiVo system my friends bought me for Xmas two years ago could get hooked up and I would then have nothing to complain about when it comes to missing

vital information. Until I can afford to do that, however, I have to try to keep up with the speedy announcements as best I can and offer here the results I have found thus far:
Not only does host, Michelle Merkin, remind us of the criteria (the look, the voice, the overall performance), but the first auditioner we are shown tells us impersonation requires working on the persona and the physicality.

He does such a great Jay Leno he is passed through to the next round. Elon says it is eerie, as they have all done The Tonight Show, and though he requests more of the high and low (both of which he displays for us), the guy is on to the semi-finals.

Rick James # ten million, Janis Joplin (not shown auditioning), Ozzie Osbourne (doing, of all songs, Patsy Cline’s “Crazy”), and Garth Brooks all horrify the judges.

Oprah Winfrey and John Travolta (who Lisa Ann calls a kind of Mini-me Travolta) fail to impress. And then a Barbra Streisand does impress—with what the judges see is amazing physicality, look, and even talk-alike elements (though I found her singing off in several places).

Billy Idol will be dancing with himself, and Austin Powers minus the British accent will be doing something else by himself. Lisa Ann says anybody can do the two bits Elon asks for (“Yeah, baby,” and “Oh, behave”) and says that even she can…and does.

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Bring on the Boobs

Bring on the Boobs by Roxanne McDonald

They likes their boobs…. “The Next Best Thing” 3 continues to keep us content with the mocking comedy of the judges as they screen a relentless variety and repetition of impersonating wannabes.

Cher # 327 does a fair impersonation. Elon says to her, “Mom, how many times do I have to tell you you can’t be in all my TV shows!?”

Mohammad Ali spars with Jeff.

Stevie Nicks # 17 screeches out a wishful bit, and Jeff just says, “Fleetwood Whack.”
(While we will soon see one in Vegas who is absolutely GORgeous), too too many Elvises get the often deserved cracks in return—a kid, a woman, a guy who claims he is a descendant…. Elon and Jeff and Lisa Ann have a litany of responses, but my favorite is when the way too fat Elvis tries out and Jeffrey calls him “King of the White Castle.”

More miserable moments?

A Bill Clinton—who hears how the real Clinto is one of the most charismatic people on the planet but how he, instead, has about as much charisma as Strom Thermond.
A Barbra Streisand who has only the crossed eye thing.
A Bette Davis who does Cher, too, and then rips off the wig to do a Britney in rehab.
A Tina Turner who has all the energy, charisma, and moves, the judges say, but…the voice of Erkel, says Elon.
A Sammy Davis Junior who just repeats the line “Candy man” over and over and….

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So Where’s the Paris Hilton with the Medical Condition?

So Where’s the Paris Hilton with the “Medical Condition”? by Roxanne McDonald

More utterly convincing (and utterly dreadful) impersonations make it through to the next round of “The Next Best Thing.” But where’s the realism, Paris Number 2?

Okay, so there were a couple of Paris Hilton impersonators…one of whom, while she didn’t feign a medical condition did look and sound enough like the real deal that Elon Gold says she is unprofessional, untalented, and therefore…Paris Hilton!

But as I promised in an earlier piece on “The Next Best Thing: Who is the Greatest Celebrity Impersonator?” attention should be paid to the talented judges as much as to the auditioning impersonators. I mean, between Elon Gold, Lisa Ann Walker, and Jeffrey Ross, we fans of the show have a full experience…one we would surely lack were the judges no-name personalities as dull as many of the impersonating contenders are.

Here’s further sampling of the hilarity behind the table (as well as a look at the aired contestants):

Borat is told he does a great impression, but he doesn’t look enough like Sacha Baron Cohen to go through.

Cher does “Gypsies, Tramps, and Thieves,” after telling us in interview it’s all about the face and gestures (of which I’ve seen way better down at the drag bar).
Lisa Ann: Did you ever feel like you needed a Cher-to-English dictionary?

Sean Connery kinda sounds and kinda looks like, but…somehow off.

Jeffrey: Somebody give this guy the Goldfinger.

Frank Sinatras—too many of them—one looks a little like him but can’t sing, others sing beautifully bit look NOTHING like the man.

Elon: Frank Sinotra.
Jeffrey: Star spreading the noose…and put it on your head.

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Some Way Better than Next Best,

Some Way Better than Next Best, that Some Including the Hilarious Judges by Roxanne McDonald

The twelve going through to the second round of “The Next Best Thing: Who is the Greatest Celebrity Impersonator?” are so great to watch, it was too bad the show wasn’t longer…in their cases, anyway.

You know the type of judges who may be experienced and are qualified in our eyes to judge. Paula Abdul, for instance, is a former singer and dancer. So is Randy Jackson a musician. So is Simon Cowell a seasoned and successful producer. You also know the judges who seem just wrong for such a competition. (And I will refrain from naming names, here.)

With the judges on “The Next Best Thing…,” we get the qualifications as well as the expertise, that which they often share with impersonator hopefuls. Especially with Elon Gold, we get added entertainment for those moments when the competitors suck, and we get the benefit of his multiple

talents at impersonation and guiding the weaker ones in the field. For example, when the David Letterman look-alike came out and did a fat Letterman with bad jokes, Gold gave him a sample of the talk show host trailing off technique—by imitating Jay Leno. The Leno bit was spot on.

So was the Johnny Carson bit. The Jackie Gleason as judge (done by Jeffrey Ross). The William Shatner.hesitating.speeech.

Anyway, the brilliance of the judges to keep this show more than worthy of prime time viewership aside (I’ll tell you more in a minute), the auditioners who were good were very, very good, as well.

The twelve going through to round two are as follows (though in no particular order):

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Hopefully not Second Best

Hopefully not Second Best by Roxanne McDonald

New “diabolically outrageous and raucously entertaining” reality competition show, “The Next Best Thing” will bring contenders for the title of Greatest Celebrity Impersonator. Let’s hope not the second best or next worst thing to come through the tubes….

Okay, no tubes anymore, but let’s hope this new show “The Next Best Thing: Who is the Greatest Celebrity Impersonator?” delivers the good. We have had the everyman/woman turned celebrity, the common person turned reality TV star, and the celebrity turned reality TV presence. Now, we will have the best of all, combined.

The first promo I caught was cute enough, showing one of the judges telling a contestant something to the effect of, “You are unemotional, untalented…; you are Paris Hilton. [And] you’re going to the next round.”

In another ABC promo, we catch, of course, a glimpse of a Cher impersonator, complete with controversial clothing and curly wig, I instantly wonder how many Chers, how many drag queens, the judges have seen. Of course, the brilliant Cher female impersonators in drag that I have seen in the last ten years have only lip-synched, so maybe the judges have had a limited number of listens to “Do You Believe in Love after Love?” (read more…)