Charm School Girls Arrive on the Yellow Bus

Charm School Girls Arrive on the Yellow Bus by Roxanne McDonald

This is gonna be a motley bunch… on a bumpy ride.

The Flavor Flav names have been changed, old (birth) names restored, and new titles assigned:

Serious is now The Egomaniac , Cristal.
Hottie is now The Crazy Girl, Schatar
Rain is now The Screamer, Thela
Smiley is now The Crier, Leilene
Pumkin is now The Spitter, Brooke
Toastee is now The Porn Girl, Jennifer
Like Dat is now The Slob, Dara

Buck Wild is now The Blackest White Girl, Becky.
Buckeey is now The Balcony Brawler (1), Shay
Krazy is now The Balcony Brawler (2), Heather, though she wanted to be called Nevaeh, her stage name and the word “heaven” spelled in reverse.
Bootz is now The Hater, Larissa
Saaphyri is now The Fighter, and is still Saaphyri (pronounced “safari”?), though Monique says the name on Flavor of Love was associated with “ugly”—cause this is the girl’s real name. Yikes.
Goldie is now The Puker, Courtney

So Mo’Nique, having re-christened them with their names and with pledge pins, has taken it upon herself to refine the girls’ bad habits, poor social skills, and funky-ass personality defects.

She consistently informs of this, repeatedly dangling the 50,000-prize for them (though the criteria she and the other judges excludes this as a factor for deserving to stay in school), and continually refers to the rules, which are in the format of the 10 Commandments, only warped street-wise style:

1. Check thyself before you wreck thyself.
2. Though shalt goeth, girl.
3. Thou Shalt Show Some Class
4. Thou Shalt Work What Thou Art Working With
5. Thou Shalt Spit Mad Game With Style
6. Thou Shalt Mind Thy Money

7. Thou Shalt Payeth It Back
8. Thou Shalt Represent
9. Unless Thou Can Play, Thou Wilt Be Played
10. Thou Shalt Be Fully Fabulous

In the first segment of “Charm School,” they covered the first two commandments, the first applied to a first impressions mixer and the second being “all about teamwork”. So, does this mean we will get two commandments a week, for a very short first season, or will they stretch and milk and double back in efforts at matriculation?

Oh, so many academic metaphor questions to be asked and answered—though the most obvious is taken care of when the girls are issued quintessential hetero-male fantasy uniforms (which Buck Wild, er, Becky, points out for anyone who misses the obvious irony/selling point of the show).

Any way, after two challenges and a grueling test of “Charm School” worthiness, we have lost Lela, who is expelled for being a dangerous looney tune type that while is a personality that might make for good TV is rife with litigious risks, I’m sure.

Next week, Andrew Firestone will patiently respond with uh-hums to the attentions and attempts to win a date with him…as well as BuckWild’s scatological/ass humor….

Woops. I mean, Becky. Will I ever get accustomed to their original given names? Will any of us? Will the girls?

SirLinksAlot Charm School links

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