The Cheese Factor in Corkscrewed: The Wrath of Grapes

The Cheese Factor in Corkscrewed: The Wrath of Grapes by Roxanne McDonald

The Hollywood moguls do whatever it takes to be accepted by the citizens of Paso Robles.

While Ken Warwick is evidently [happily] obligated elsewhere, Nigel Lythgoe makes the perfunctory appearance at Paso Robles’ 76th annual Pioneer Day—where he puts on a good front as he is made the official bean-stirrer, as he is singled out by one of the matrons or emcees, as he sits for the truck and tractor parade (making “Oh, God” faces at the camera), as he is “arrested” for not having a Paso Robles support badge (which costs a buck donation) and hauled away in a cattle truck, and as he mingles with the locals.

But what’s fun about this episode of “Corkscrewed: The Wrath of Grapes” is not only how he makes the token

gestures to get to know the little people (so they will do business with him and Nigel) and how you know he is just barely tolerating the events and socializing, but how he slips in his sarcasm and jabs.
When the little old lady (I still don’t know what her role is at Pioneer Day) tells him this is their 76th celebration and yes, they have a grand marshall and a queen, Nigel quips that 76 queens is more than they have in all of West Hollywood.

When the townspeople come off the parade floats— especially off the one which delighted Nigel most, with the old pioneers in bath tubs and accompanied by saloon beauties (pros of yore)—Nigel chats them up and all. Word has spread he is the guy from “So You Think You Can Dance,” so, like the writer who has to endure the jokes and ideas of partygoers, he puts up with the ones who brag of being able to dance, the ones who want pictures with him, and those who indeed want to dance with him (though he is posing as kind and asks a septuagenarian for a waltz in the street). Nigel then gets to socialize with the women of the saloon of yore, and though they insist they are “not customer service” women, Nigel stresses, “You look like you [are]!” And everyone laughs, albeit uncomfortably.

Nigel then plans to host an authentic English tea for the people of town, the winery people, and the work staff. (Very cool and most authentic of Nigel, though, is when he presents his ranch hands with what he promised: two brand new ATVs.)

His party planner, Kristin Gendrin, approaches him the last forty-five minutes before the tea is to begin, explaining that it is so hot and she is so uncomfortable and the tea ladies are so uncomfortable that she suggests they rotate everything into the shade.

Nigel is amenable, of course. He adds, however, that what he is more concerned about is the cheese.

It is quite the task to keep the cheese up to standards, isn’t it, Nige?

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