Who Will Be Crowned? Who Cares?
Who Will Be Crowned? Who Cares? by Roxanne McDonald
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Living up to their “Crowned” names not going to be a problem for the contestants. Now if we can only remember them. |
I was out doing errands and trusting my DVR to take over the viewing (and recording)
first. When I arrived back at home, I did so mid-show. And boy howdy was I more than surprised—not because the show did the opposite of letting me down as I anticipated it would but because the drama was so trumped up I had to check with the INFO button to make sure I wasn’t watching a parody.
The first installment of “Crowned: The Mother of All Beauty Pageants” was in the throes of the first de-sashing. One set of contestants was being told it was time…. As they emoted more than necessary over that, another judge said it was time for the de-sashing of…opponents. Wayull, Lawd almightee, they went right into paroxysms of apoplexy, all histrionic, sobbing, gooping, fake-resisting the task of kicking competitors to the curb as the hyperbolic soap opera meets real opera music stretched on and on in the background.
Now, who went home first? Who has so brazenly, ashamedly lost the right to the gilded and glitzy symbol of superbeautyteam?
Uhhh. Ooops. Didn’t bother noting that. I think Blonde Bombs got rid of clearly-too-intellectual for a superficial show—yeah, the Reigning A’s.
Here are the newly fabricated team names, by the way, which made up the first challenge of making a good first impression…which, if ya ask me, NONE of them did.
They have coaches for hair and makeup, coaches for dress and walk: how about coaches for
Mom Pamela and daughter Felicia “Tomboy Queens”
Mom Andrea and daughter Amanda “Reigning A’s”
Mom Brenda and kid Heather “Blonde Bombshells”
Mom Patty and kid Laura “Redhead Bombshells”
Mom Angela and daughter Tenia “Skin Deep” (the only redeeming team name here, if ya ask me)
Mother Gina and daughter Hollis “Dream Gals”
Mom Ada and daughter Christan “Hot & Not” (uhhhh, what?)
Mom Annette and kid Alana “Silent but Deadly”
Mom Jill and daughter Nicole “Sassy Sisters”
Mom Linda and daughter Rachelle “Diamond Dolls”
Mom Moya and daughter Jenileigh “Daredevil Divas”
That’s all the concern I can muster at the moment, sorry.
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