Clyde Brings Them Back to Reality

Clyde Brings Them Back to Reality by Roxanne McDonald

With Heather and Jonathan losing their heads in the clouds, and Bass getting a big head for his buddy Fatone, as well as the judges taking the competitions so seriously they take their judging over our heads, Clyde Drexler brings everyone back to reality.

Thank you! So nice to see a celebrity take a loss with grace. So nice to see a sense of humor. And so nice to see and hear how this is, after all, a reality TV show with—remember?—celebrities who are not professionals at ballroom dancing but at other talented areas.

Ian and Cheryl had done the Samba, looking really good that Ian was. And the judges had agreed they were much better—Carrie Ann telling Ian he was still underestimating himself.

Clyde and Elena had done the Rumba—though it was just okay, with Clyde still looking like he was following teacher, and the judges attacking their dance as everything from the worst in the competition to the Rumba under the influence of an anesthetic.

Heather and Jonathan had then danced the Samba—Heather all sparkles and hip movements which detracted from and overcompensated for her prosthetic (a dance she would replicate on a Virgin Airlines flight…without the hard fall and minus the applause). Carrie Ann had been kinder in her judgment, even prophetic, saying how she appreciated how Heather danced “as if nobody was watching.” Yikes.
Joey and Kym had done a Rumba, after buddies Alphonso Ribiera and Lance Bass were brought in for rehearsal and clowning around—and after Lance could be heard to boast how good Joey is that he had to advise his bud to take it down so that the people wouldn’t get tired of someone “too good”. Kym decided the use of his friends helped Joey improve (why?), however, and the judges are more obsessed with how effeminate Joey is or is not during his performance.

Edyta and John did an endearing Samba. Well, I think John is endearing, trying as hard as he does and even improving on timing and liveliness. The judges are finding him the “best of the worst,” giving him, as Carrie Ann does, a standing ovation for improvement.

Laila and Max seemed to struggle with stiffness during their Rumba, though Laila is so damned beautiful and still an audience favorite, I think. The judges agreed that Laila was back in her improving element.

Apolo and Julianne did the Samba, and stunned the judges, Bruno saying it was “incredible”, Len agreeing that they had brought it all together, and Carrie Ann summing it up by calling it “perfection”.

And Billy Ray and Karina did a Rumba that disappointed him (being so busy and unable to rehearse enough), us, and the judges, who are so intense they made Billy Ray’s face turn sickly red.

The leader board showed

1.Apolo and Julianne, with a rare 30
2. Laila and Maks, with 28
3.Joey and Kym, with 25
4. Ian and Cheryl, with 24
5. Heather and Jonathan, with 22
6. John and Edyta, with 18
7. Billy Ray and Karina, with 17
8. Clyde and Elena, with 13

But once the scores were delivered and the votes were in, and once Clyde and Elena were out, Clyde made pleasant

comments about his having had plans for golf, offered thanks and praise for his fellow dancers, thanked Elena “for teaching me all these wonderful dance moves,” and then had his turn at a critique of sorts, nailing the judges by nicely acknowledging how good they are at their jobs but reminding them that the celebrities are famous for talents other than dancing and they should take it a little bit easier in that respect.

Go Clyde, you articulate, dignified, and talented ball player!!!!
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