Dancing Star would Like to Thank the Academy…and the Animal People

Dancing Star would Like to Thank the Academy…and the Animal People by Roxanne McDonald

Heather Mills gracefully steps off with a goodbye speech that thanks everyone and borders on the political.

Did you notice how Tom Bergeron cut her short as soon as she began to mention how much attention, support, and money her cause to save the animals was getting? He said she could save the rest of that speech for “another venue.”

And we all get what that implied.

Anyway.

Joey and Kym had done a Samba, with Joey, who was in what looked like a mechanic’s uniform, not all that fem anymore, Len. His hands outstretched, his grinding groin, all pretty masculine and mouth-watering.

Len conceded that Joey is this week a “swashbuckling” guy who was great, perfect, and really sold it. Bruno said he went for it like a randy, fighting cockerel (?). And Carrie Ann said that it was one of their best performances so far, adding, “You’re insane, and that reads so well….”

They scored a total of 27 points.

Heather and Jonathan had done a Paso Doble. Heather had taken Jonathan to meet Evita star Milena, and after advice they had danced on the Evita stage to rehearse. Bruno found they used the drama of the Paso Doble well, capturing the spirit of the dance; Carrie Ann said she was always amazed at how they throw in more tricks than anybody else; and Len loved the opening with its great passion/fire, though she needed to have a haughtier upper body.
They scored a total of 23 points

John and Edyta had done a Mambo. John had said he had been thinking there was no way he was going to last until April, but here they were, visiting Pixar Studios and practicing for what I thought were smoother moves this week. Carrie Ann noted a little problem with the footwork, however, while Len was at first vaguely complimentary—saying they were enjoying the process more and that enjoyment came

out—but also agreed that this week they were “just awful”.

They scored a total of 19 points

Laila and Max had done a Cha Cha Cha, which Laila had changed up by saying how she had done everything Maks had told her to do in the past but now was “bringing [her] own flavor.” Len sums up the critiques by saying, “There’s a saying that all that glitters is not gold, [but] that was pure gold.” Bruno and Carrie Ann agree, Bruno calling Laila a “magnificent obsession” and Carrie Ann agrees, only adding one suggestion: to hold her eyes up when dancing the Cha Cha Cha.

They scored a total of 28 points.

Billy Ray and Karina had done a Jive. Bruno said the “crazy man [had] been let loose at a cheerleading convention,” and Carrie Ann laughingly said that if he couldn’t get the steps he made some up—but it was what drew everyone to him.

They scored a total of 21 points.

Apolo and Julianne had done a Rumba. Apolo had told us that someone had explaine the Rumba to him as “the woman’s bedroom dance,” and again he brought up how weird that sensuality thing would be with the couple. Carrie Ann said that it was hard to come back after a perfect score, and Len was mean, while Bruno acknowledged their at least taking a shot at it and how that required creativity, and then Len and Bruno went off on a disagreement about creativity or something like it.

They scored a total of 28 points.

And Ian and Cheryl had done a Paso Doble. Ian had prefaced his performance with comments on how good it was to finally have a character to play with—not just doing a dance but a bullfight. His lines were tight as hell and his movements as articulate, and I have leaned toward Ian over Joey, now.

But Len was disappointed, expecting the Paso would have been right up Ian’s alley but instead finding that he [Len] didn’t like Ian’s posture, his arms, etc.. Bruno agreed, suggesting Ian needed to come out and “engage”, and Carrie Ann had said that while he had some beautiful lines, beautiful moments, he should (though this might sound strange) watch and model after Billy Ray…not for his technique but for the passion and intensity, the seriousness and letting go Billy Ray brings to his performances.

They scored a total of 23 points.

So the leader board revealed the following line-up:

1st Laila and Maksim, 28
2nd Apolo and Julianne, 28
3rd Joey and Kym, 27

4th Ian and Cheryl, 24
5th Heather and Jonathan, 23
6th Billy Ray and Karina, 21
7th John and Edyta, 19

And with all safe except the bottom three, John and Edyta; Ian and Cheryl (?!); and Heather and Jonathan, Heather and Jonathan are told to take their last dance.

But not before Heather slips in a number of lovely thanks (even to the hair and make-up peeps) and then a bunch of side campaigning, which, as I noted above, Tom Bergeron quickly squelches.

Hey, maybe the new reality TV competition phenom will turn into a charity campaign phenomenon, thereby putting all of us out of our misery over excruciatingly long-winded recap/result shows and saving the beneficiaries from misery altogether.

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