Dancing with Toes in Air, Arms Dangling Down, and Pancake Hands

Dancing with Toes in Air, Arms Dangling Down, and Pancake Hands by Roxanne McDonald

It was either another Lawrence Welk week with a foot and hand theme, or the stars are thinking of adopting new Native names.

Shandi Finnessey and Brian Fortuna did the Jive, got good aadvice about building the arms and such, and earned a total of 21 points from the judges.

John Ratzenberger and Edyta Sliwinska did the Tango, were told by Bruno that thye were technically not perfect but did a great interpretation, and scored a total of 20 points.

Clyde Drexler and Elena Grinenko did the Jive, with adorable pro player having no business on the dance floor but looking adorable in his unsure movements and all,

and the duo pulled in 16 points.
Laila Ali and Maksim Chmerkovskiy Tangoed, and though Laila says they had little time for practice, were told they have the power of fascination, started well, and need only “watch the pancake hands.” Their total Score was 21.

Apolo Anton Ohno and Julianne Hough Jived, were informed they were not so much the “surprise of the season” (Carrie Ann), anymore, and yet still raked in a sloppy 23 points.

Joey Fatone and Kym Johnson Tangoed, with Joey keeping in mind what he had told us earlier: “When you start out well right out of the gates, you’ve gotta stay good, gotta top yourself.” And top themselves they must have, for they not only tied (in a four-way) with 24 points, but they were asked to do the encore. (Which sure beat the other lukewarm offerings of the night, in producers’ efforts to drag that show out for a damned hour.)

Ian Ziering and Cheryl Burke Tangoed, too, and they nearly nailed more than their 24 points until they messed up at the very end.

Leeza Gibbons and Tony Dovolani Tangoed, as well, with Leeza wanting so so badly to get it perfect, save for the frustration of the “darned frame” requirements….

Still, she continued to impress—with a new tattoo that says “Tramp” and with Bruno, is it? loving how she is Leeza the pleaser—and pulled in 24 points from the judges.
Heather Mills and Jonathan Roberts practiced for the Jive, but her foot wouldn’t comply, so she just went and had a new foot put on—one that would bounce. Bruno loves her as well, and said they would have to start calling her “the incredible Heather Mills.” She and Jonathan also took in a total score of 24.

Finally, Billy Ray Cyrus and Karina Smirnoff Tangoed, despite how Billy Ray couldn’t believe he was going to learn another dance; and the judges gave the couple 21 points, despite how some gushed.

The gushing, and blushing, and leader board point system was whacked all out of shape, however, making the numbers skew and flail as much as the arms and un-pointed toes and whatnot—and after the voting public was finished, left Tony and Leeza and Shandi and Brian at the bottom of the messy heap.

Then sent Shandi and Brian home….

Can we have a final round of applause? A one- anna- two- anna….

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