Happy Lap Dancing With The Stars

Is that a Lap Dance or Are You Just Happy To See Me??? By Roxanne McDonald 

Season 3 of Dancing with the Stars has begun with much promise of celebrity talent, star effort, and famous judging compliments and cuts.  The judges are the same, giving viewers a delightful balance of knowledgeable and dancer-supportive commentary and witty and campy and carping critique. And then there was Tucker Carlson…

Carrie Ann Inaba, Len Goodman, and Bruno Tonioli were in true form for episode one, and brought many a thoughtful and entertaining evaluation. 

And equally witty is the returning host, Tom Bergeron, who will pass off to the spokesperson backstage, Samantha Harris.Political pundit and MSNBC news anchorman Tucker Carlson danced with Elena Grineko to “Dancin’ in the Street.”  Tucker, who looks like a cross between John Denver and the Bridges brothers, mad the performance delightful to watch, as he and Elena were playful and cute.  They earned a pitifully low score of 12, however, from the judges.

It was more of a lap dance than a cha cha.

Pop teen idol Monique Coleman and partner Louis Van Amstel (who danced with Lisa Rinna last season) did a dance to “Baby Love, Monique’s sultry and satiny pink gown making for a stunning visual along with the fluid and passionate dancing.  Bruno called Monique a dream girl in the making, one with great potential.  Carrie Ann agreed, but added she needs make it more from the heart, while Len also agreed that the arms were gorgeous and the body positions lovely, but saying that the chemistry was not there, that “it had about as much romance as an autopsy.”  The couple earned 19 out of 30 points.

Sara Evans, shown earlier introducing her partner to her country fans as the beautiful one, Tony Dovolani, earned a low 15 stars dancing with the hunk to “Mandy,” despite Tony’s thinking of himself as a lion and despite Sara’s incredible and impressive work ethic.

Willa Ford (with the coolest musical score tattoo) danced with Tia Carerre’s partner of last season, professional dancer Maksim Chmerkovskiy, to “True”.  And despite the bad girl of pop’s concerns that she would suck at ballroom dancing, which she admitted was her biggest fear, the pair brought in 22 out of 30 points from the judges.

The gorgeous Vivca A. Fox, dancing to “I Just Wanna Make Love to You” with Nick Kosovich, elicited such comments from the judges as “You’re a feisty girl,” and “You’re a bad girl, aren’t you?  You made this spicy, dirty; you know how to sell a performance.”  She and her partner gained a healthy 22 points for the nasty effort.
Hard as he worked it, Harry Hamlin with his partner Ashly Delgrosso didn’t fare as well.  Their work, done to “Burn Baby, Burn,” was “stiff and awkward,” said Carrie Ann and would require, after having learned the steps, said Len, “work on the character.”  They pulled in only 17 points.

Joey Lawrence, taking the stage with professional dancer Edyta Sliwinska to “I Like the Way You Move,” tied for middle place in the line-up, with an impressive 21/30 points from the judges.

Adorable Mario Lopez, dancing with professional dancer Karina Smirnoff, had discussed his ADD personality as the cams showed Karina taping his mouth shut during rehearsal, pulled in the highest score, 26 out of 30 points, with a 9 from Carrie Ann, an 8 from Len, and a 9 from Bruno.

Beauty queen, actress, model, and reality TV personality Shanna Moakler took to the dance floor with Jesse DeSoto to dance to “Savin’ All My Love for You,” but got some pretty harsh criticism from (and received only 18 points from) the judges, who found that she has to learn to sustain (as Bruno suggested) and who has to improve on her footwork greatly (Len), which Carrie reminded was possible once she developed her core strength again.

NFL Super Bowl champion, Emmitt Smith, dancing with expert dancer Cheryl Burke to “Son of a Preacher Man,” impressed the judges and took second-place standing with 24/30 points.

And taking it with the brilliant New York humor, Jerry Springer, and his stunning partner Kym Johnson, rated a mere 16 out of 30 points.  But backstage, Springer was dignified and still joking when Samantha asked him what his strategy was.  He responded, “to stay vertical.”

May they all stay vertical, and may the best, hardest-working, and most progressive win!

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