John Ratzenberger Jokes his Way off the Dance Floor

John Ratzenberger Jokes his Way off the Dance Floor by Roxanne McDonald

Len is the straight man to this Kenny Mayne guy tonight, offering his serious “success comes in cans not can’ts” and “no one has ever won with facial hair” comments which are slapped down by this Kenny Mayne guy (who, we have to admit, is way funnier than Jimmy Kimmel). But equally funny man John takes his final, not so comic bows and then has the finally joke tonight, in week 12.

Laila and Maksim had done the Quickstep, for which they are asked to do the encore performance. Carrie Ann was impressed, Bruno told them they rose to the challenge, and Len, while picking about her posture, remarked that they were bringing the heat.

The first score was 29.

For their second dance, they had done the Samba, and

Bruno had extended Len’s heat metaphor, saying there was real fire. Carrie Ann said it was great. And Len said a nice thing, Tom Bergeron acknowledged, when he told Laila her dad would be so proud—and that this was her best dance, yet.

Their second score was a perfect 30!

John and Edyta did the Foxtrot. Bruno had commented how John had obviously been to dance rehab, and Carrie Ann and Len agreed, with Carrie Ann saying it was their best dance thus far.
Their first score was 23.

After they did the Rumba, Len was careful to say they had pulled it off, Bruno commented on how John’s footwork, again, was improved, and Carrie Ann, while missing the necessary passion of the Rumba said very carefully how John was the best of the older gentleman dancers on the show.

This second dance yielded 22 points.

Apollo and Julianne were less than on top of their routines, having done a Foxtrot that discouraged Len into saying he couldn’t give them what their dance deserved. At the same time, Bruno and Carrie Ann had disagreed with Len, Carrie Ann expressing surprise that they pulled off the sophistication she feared they couldn’t produce; and Bruno challenged Len by saying how great he thought they were.

This gave them a score of 26 for their first dance.

For their second dance, Apolo and Julianne did the Mambo. The camera picked up Apolo’s awkwardness, and so did Len, while Bruno challenged Len, saying Apolo showed to dance as if he had been doing so for a lot longer than he has and while Carrie Ann diplomatically rode the fence, suggesting that they were better but they were still not quite there with the very demanding Mambo.
They still scored 28 for the second dance.

Ian and Cheryl, slowly becoming my dark horse favorites, first did a Tango. To rehearse, and as a tongue-in-cheek gesture, the pair had had Billy Ray give him some pointers. They seemed to help, I guess, despite how they were intended as a joke of sorts and despite how Ian is obviously leagues ahead of Billy Ray in the dance division.

Len was beside himself with compliments, this time, using his fire, heat, passion metaphor (which by now we know is a ringer of a compliment). Bruno was impressed that Ian went for it. And Carrie Ann used her safe “fun” compliment.
Their first score was a 27.

In their second dance, the Mambo, they impressed the judges even more, with Bruno defining this as Ian’s “breakthrough” night; Carrie Ann had added that though she would recommend he keep an eye on his posture, she was delighted he showed a “change in attitude”; and Len added to his fire trope the “chemistry” word.

They scored 27 in this second dance.

Billy Ray and Karina did a waltz, first. Poor Billy Ray, said he would hang in there as long as he could, as long as Karina needed him to. Bruno was his usual creative critic self, saying something about how calling that waltz “unconventional” would be an understatement. Carrie Ann admonished Billy Ray for holding back and letting Karina do all the work. And Len just gave up being so mean week after week, apparently, for he just said something about how he appreciated how Billy Ray brings “fun” to his performances.

They scored a 17 for the first dance.

For the second performance, the couple had done a Samba. Now, I know a waltz like the Foxtrot is challenging—especially if it is as delightfully rendered as it looks—but how Billy Ray pulled off the Samba better than he did the Foxtrot was baffling to even the judges. Carrie Ann, who had told Ian to mimic Billy Ray’s intensity/devotion, complimented Billy Ray on just that. And Len and Bruno were perplexed but in agreement that it was better than the first.

They pulled in 21 points for dance number two.

Joey and Kym had done a most remarkable Foxtrot. But while Carrie Ann and Bruno were almost giddy with compliments, Len said there was something to Joey’s giving the performances his full effort, but that he thought there was just too much razzle dazzle. (Joey sniped back in his interview that he’d give him razzle dazzle….)

The first dance yielded the couple 29 points.

For their second performance, they had brought on the Jive, inspiring Carrie Ann to say it was their best dance yet; inciting Bruno’s description of their dance as a “smashing showcase of talent;” and whipping Len’s cranky neck around to a clever comment about how the moves, the posture, and the two were totally “in sync.” Heh-heh.

The judges gave them a 30!

On results night of week 12, the final six couples come, then into the events with the following combined scores from the judges:

Laila and Maksim and Joey and Kym are tied for first, with 59 points.
Apollo and Julianne and Ian and Cheryl are tied for second place, with 54.
John and Edyta come in third with 45.
And Billy and Karina bring up the rear with 38 points.

After a cool Meatloaf performance and a weird mock announcer booth discussion of the remaining couples/stars (with John McEnroe, I think, no, Kenny Mayne [very cheeky, funny guy] and a sports figure, I’m pretty sure, a nice guy who was on the show in the past, and Len, who was

championing Ian for working so hard at perfecting his performances and Joey for being a good, strong dancer), the first bottom two couple is revealed: John and Edyta.
After more Olympics meets Howard Cosell meets Len (who, believe it, looks oddly out of his element despite how of the three up there he has all the dance expertise) at the Dance Center, more awesome Meatloaf (though I still find it slightly quirky to have guest singers instead of guest dancers), as well as some tokenistically adorable kid dancers (who actually get replaced by slightly older, then even older “kids”—in a kind of evolutionary kind of show—dancing through the same song) , a truly silly Jimmy Kimmel skit, and some real people and fellow celebs’ opinions, the second bottom two couple is announced: Billy Ray and Karina.

And John and Edyta can finally take off their (or his) tired shoes.

John is grimacing but really smiling, and as he shakes Billy Ray’s hand, he says, “See, we’re doing the Bunny Hop….”

And before he retires those shoes, he does actually lead Edyta and the others in the Bunny Hop….

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