Not Giving a Monkey’s Armpit about Anything Other than Winning

Not Giving a Monkey’s Armpit about Anything Other than Winning by Roxanne McDonald

The semi-finalists await their finalist fate as Kimmel does his silly thing, Iglesias does his sexy thang, a gorgeous Flamenco dancer does us all, and as the judges and others tell their impressions of the remaining eight….

I watched it twice (East and West coast times), but still didn’t catch which people Len was referring to when he said “they don’t give a monkey’s armpit; they just want to win.” He may have been discussing the athletes? The distinction was between the athletic and entertainment celebrities, anyway.

And Len was heard to announce at the top of the evening that the “best four couples have made it through.”

In the Ballroom Round…

Apolo and Juliane had danced the Quickstep. Len said as he had expected, it “was fantastic.” Bruno said they had taken America with them on a “magic carpet ride.” And Carrie Ann thanked them for setting the standards “way high” for the semi-finals. The duo scored a perfect 30.

Ian and Cheryl had done the Tango. Carrie Ann said that somewhere he lost it, that he “went out of focus;” but Len said that he looked at that dance really closely as he is not the best judge for Ian…but that it was, he thought, Ian’s “best dance ever.” The couple scored a 28.
Laila and Maks had done the Quickstep, causing Len to say something that Maks retorted to and making for a fussy moment, there, while Bruno saved that moment with his apparently fairy tale/fantasy metaphors by saying Laila was the “jewel of the Nile” and was suitably fantastic, majestic, the winner. They scored a perfect 30 also.

Joey and Kym had done a Foxtrot (for which they would be asked to do the results night encore). Bruno gave them high praise for doing “a Foxtrot with true Hollywood credentials,” for they were, he said, “like two movie stars…absolutely enchanting and so smooth it was [vital?].” The couple also scored a perfect 30.

In the Latin-American Round…

Apolo and Juliane had done a pretty spectacular Cha Cha Cha, though Len thought it was “much better, [but] too raunchy.” Carrie Ann, however, said they “sold it;” and Bruno gushed over how their performance was “so energizing…like a shot of adrenaline…, and, by God, you can push it,” he told them. They scored 29.

Ian and Cheryl had done the Jive, to which Carrie Ann responded that after all Ian’s trying to pull out, he finally “let go…, went all out.” Bruno added that somehow it works for Ian: “You’ve done it,” Bruno said. The duo scored their first perfect 30!

Laila and Maks had danced a Cha Cha Cha. Len said there was far more content than he’d seen in the past; Bruno said something about how the butterfly effect aside, there was no doubt Laila was a knock-out…what with her confidence and

allure and her getting every single step. Carrie Ann agreed, remarking how her technique really shined through. They scored a 30.
And Joey and Kym did a Jive, with Joey starting at the top by lying on the judges table, facing Carrie Ann. Len acknowledged their energy and enthusiasm and said it had shown to be a great dance. Bruno said that it had “more flash than Vegans and more tricks than Houdini,” and that it was a “wonderful performance.” And Len added a cleverly laugh-inducing comment, saying Joey has something everyone else has, but his is bigger…personality. He also stated that if Joey was not in the finals, the show would suffer a great loss. They scored, of course, a perfect 30.

The Leader Board…

At the top of the results show, the scores and standings were as follows:

1st Laila and Max, with 60 and Joey and Kym, with 60
2nd Apolo and Julianne, with 59
3rd Ian and Cheryl, with 58

And so the show carries on, with the dancers discussing their feelings at this point and their beliefs about who should or should not be in the finals; Joey and Kym doing their encore; Julio Iglesias doing two sets; a hot Flamenco set (no, I mean HOT—one of the sexiest and most perfect performances I have ever watched, actually) done by Joaqim Cortes; another now-getting-old Kimmel skit; and judges commentaries.

And the results are announced with, as you now know, Ian and Cheryl taking their last dance and breaking this viewer’s heart.

Ian is still hot and Cheryl is still, as Ian said in his soft and lovely tribute speeches, a winner. Ian was glad that he got to do a most important thing: dance for his dad. And Cheryl was pleased to have worked with such a determined star.

We will miss you Ian and Cheryl!

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