See Ya Later Gyrators

See Ya Later Gyrators by Roxanne McDonald

Already eliminations have begun, and already the sadness and flashbacks of sadness set in.

Leeza expresses it for all of them when she says that they all want to be here in the end. And Mali Perl, over at Reality Shack (where some of my favorite TV writers huddle) expresses for all of us how sad it will be to lose someone hunky like Alec. Unfortunately, of course, it wouldn’t be a competition or much of a reality TV show if we didn’t have to say however sad a goodbye.

After performing the Mambo—which I can never help, when I hear the word, but think Beetlejuice and the music in my head—and the Quickstep, the pairs are rated, given scores by dance aficionados Len Carrie Ann and Bruno, but are also subject to the chance of elimination at the hands of quick-dialing (and opinionated) homefolk.

That’s the second running attitude, as noted by another celebrity (can’t remember which one), who says that it doesn’t matter how high your scores are, you could still be eliminated.

Apolo and Julianne had done what judges thought was a full, fresh, young and uplifting Quickstep, and had earned 26 points.

Shandi and Brian had danced a Mambo [hey, Mambo, Mabo Italiano, hey Mambo…. See what I’m sayin’?]. The judges found there wasn’t anything all that spectacular about it, what with their hips not moving as well as they could have—though Len liked it better. They were granted 20 points.

Clyde and Elena did a Quickstep, with Clyde so damned adorable in his efforts to be showy and elegant of presentation. The judges note how they have done much better than the previous week, and Clyde is coming to terms with the height thing. Still, they only racked up 18 points. Then again, they are a fan favorite….

Leeza and Tony danced the Mambo, getting mixed responses from the judges—with Carrie Ann saying that to laugh and have fun is what it’s all about (a nice way of saying, “Well at least you looked happy doing it…”); Len determining they were too cautious; and Bruno confirming or affirming how Leeza’s slutting it up would do the trick. They still received 21 points.

Ian and Cheryl deliver the Quickstep, making the audience and judges alike appreciate this duo as star-quality all the way: despite elbow problems, says Len, the three agree that these two are solid, really good all around. They are given 21 whole points.

Paulina and Alec Mamboed—and I still couldn’t help but think this couple simulates a very well-to-do woman and her gigolo. No disrespect, of course, for they had just as tough a time dancing and staying in the public’s favor as many other couples. And the judges are hard on them. Bruno uses his famous analogies, this time telling Paulina she had headed for Havana but only made it as far as Puerto Rico. Carrie Ann tries to be kind, but the patronizing comment about being impressive by going outside of her personal comfort zone could apply to all the celebrities who don’t really dance. Yet, they are not the lowest ranked for the night.

Billy Ray and Karina, who did the Quickstep, revealed more personal fear that professional acumen. Len includes a two-sided compliment, what with their manic start and all, for example. Their score was 21.

Heather and Jonathan did the Mambo, and people forgot Heather’s “handicap”: all three judges are wild about their performance, and give them a combined 24 points.

John and Edyta Quickstep with all their hearts and bods, and Bruno acknowledges with yet another analogy or metaphor about how the old wife still has lots of life in him. They earn 21 points.

Laila and Maks, the most stunning couple, of course, and my favorite, do a pretty decent hey! Mambo…(oops, getting carried away again); and the judges love, love, loved it. Laila and Maks get 27 points.

Joey and Kym closed the night with the final Quickstep, Joey smiling and bringing his skills in such an impressive way that Carrie Ann calls him the “complete package” and Bruno likens him to a rocket taking off. Still, they do not get the highest score of the evening: they get 24 points.

With the leader board showing Laila and Maks at the top and Clyde and Elena at the very bottom, the results show has middle-of-the-way dancers Paulina and Alec and Shandi and Brian. First to go are Alec and Paulina, with her almost guiding him by the shoulder as he swoons, and with former dancing celebrities expressing their humiliation and woes at having also been first eliminated.

And some sad departures are followed by much applause. You tell me why, cause I am too busy rehearsing my solo of “Hey, Mambo, Mambo Italiano….”

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