Flavathon Season One, Episode Five

Flavathon Season One, Episode Five by Roxanne McDonald

Flavor of Love marathon is imperative for the student of “Flavor of Love” participants, for knowing the references New York makes on “I Love New York,” and now, for knowing the background of “Charm School,” hosted by Mo’Nique. So get studying reality TV aficionados!

Still Hoping to Learn What Time it is: Goldie, Hoopz, Hottie, New York, Oyster, Pumkin, and Smiley.

“What Happens in Flavor Stays in Flavor”

Flav-o-gram! He is already a lucky man, he says, but he wants to see who his Lady Luck is…so he tells them to pack their bags for Vegas, baby!

Sweetie’s chicken phobia is replaced with Pumkin’s fear of flying, though the girls are surprisingly supportive (rather than saying how it’s good there will be one less in the running, etc.), and Goldie even kisses Pumkin’s forehead cause “she doesn’t complain.”

Hottie is once again in the world of Hottie, oblivious to other’s issues and telling us how when she is in Vegas she “completely fit[s] in.”

Well, they are all going to fit in, because Flav has sent them a rack of designer dresses, which they squeal over and grab and put on, heading to the roulette table where the next challenge awaits them. Each has a set amount of money which Flav will play as they lean on, fawn over, and touch him as he gambles…to test their luck factor.

Hoopz and Goldie get all their cash lost, while Smiley wins Flav a lot. Then the driven New York is up, saying she has a third eye which everyone questions or scoffs at…until she

keeps winning and keeps winning and ends up with what she surmises is “at least seven to eight pounds of chips.” If they are going by weight…?
Pumkin reports that at that moment, “everybody’s heart sank,” but, she adds, more power to him if he wants to be with “some nasty ass bitch like that.”

New York has a response to that (doesn’t she always?), saying that she is sure “it was eating them up. I’m glad it did. I don’t want them feeling good. I’m sure they’ll find something to do—twiddle their thumbs, knit, play with themselves….”

Ahhh, New York. You don’t have to love her, but you gotta give her props for creativity of talk.

The girls are not knitting, but at a strip club, whooping it up, while New York does her coquettish, eyes pressed closed, dramatic presentation of herself to Flav as one who is what he needs: emotional, mental support…. “I can do that,” she insists, and then they kiss, and kiss, and kiss some more…for a clocked 8.27 minutes.

Flav admits to her that she treats him like royalty, but what “scares” him about New York is that she will not be able to handle his “being around other women.” Yes, Flav, a very real fear when your playah tendencies are threatened. “No rope and chain” (do you mean ball and chain, Flav?) for him, he continues, though New York interjects that true dat–she is territorial. But, oh, is she developing “real feelings.”

Then the games get really vulgar, with Flav conducting a series of sensory tests—which of course the girls translate as sensuality tests, and who can blame them? Except for Red Oyster, who hears the word electrifying and thinks first whether this next challenge has something to do with appliances….

Blindfolded, he is sniffing them, tasting them, listening to them, and feeling them through a curtain, then sans blindfold is watching them move about on the other side of a screen that puts them in sexy silhouette, this time around. Goldie smells like chicken wings (which she and others interpret

when it comes to Flav, this is a good thing); Pumkin smells like bacon (I can’t help but think of John Travolta in Pulp Fiction, here); Hoopz smells like steak; and New York, poor thing, smells like broccoli. Hottie is the best singer of “Land of the free and home of the Flav,” until she closes with a piercing screech that echoes through the manse.
Smiley gets a nine for kissing him during the taste test, while others just gave him a hip bone or head to lick. And in the touch test New York is “head-to-head” with Smiley, who claims that because this “honestly killed a part of [her],” she is gonna “get” that “bitch”. Not to worry, Smiley, for all of New York’s efforts get blown when she does the final body movement thing and falls down.

So smiley is amped, as much for winning as for beating out New York.

New York is either distracted elsewhere or taking out her anger on the closest housemate—Hottie. Hottie holds her own with comments about how she can’t wait for New York to get booted so she can “turn that room into a study;” but New York comes back with flailing, knife wielding comments as she is eating her steak, waving that knife, and “lovin’ it.”

Besides, New York’s biggest competition is Hoopz, not Hottie.

But New York will have to wait another week/day to see Hoopz go (if she does), though Hottie will be in the hottest seat next time….

Told by Flav that Time’s Up: Red Oyster actually tells Flav time’s up by opting out, as she gets a phone call the day of the Elimination Ceremony, and her dad has been in a bad accident, so she has to go home.

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