Flavathon Season One, Episode Four
Flavathon Season One, Episode Four by Roxanne McDonald
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“Flavor of Love marathon”: interested in seeing season one again? Miss the first installments? Want to get psyched for the spin-off, “Charm School,” with the first and second season contestants? Well here it is, again, in any case. |
Still Hoping to Learn What Time it is: Goldie, Hoopz, Hottie, New York, Oyster, Pumkin, Smiley, and Sweetie.
“The Flavor of Chicken”
Flav goes to New York and smooches her. It’s early a.m., and all are in their pjs except for Hottie, who is wearing what Goldies says is some satin scout outfit—“lookin’ like Gomer Pyle.”
As the girls line up on the staircase Bachelor style—though not in anticipation of any rose, yet—Flav ushers in and introduces his mother to them. Soon thereafter, he informs them they are all goin’ to church.
Flav tells us the “service was beautiful, man;” and “the chorus was slammin’…; everybody in that church was havin’ a good doggone time.”
At the same time, New York tells us she wanted to get in close with Moms—so she can tell her of her feelings for Flav.
This she takes the opportunity to do at the formal tea the girls attend with Moms, where Flav’s mother first tells the
girls who Flav is and what kind of woman he is looking for, and then where each girl has a moment sitting with Moms. While it’s Hotties turn in the hottie seat, New York interrupts and makes her declarations of love, which of course shocks Moms speechless.
Back at the crib, Moms and Flav look at the girls pictures and discuss, and Flav says that she will “definitely tell it like it is.” And does she ever.
Hoopz then decides she is going to tell Flav what time it is. Flav can’t figure her out, can’t put his finger on what it is about her…though he hopes “she’ll let [him] put [his] finger on it….”
He adds his assessment of Hottie, who he says has “got some big knockers,” and New York, “who he determines is “definitely eye candy.”
Oyster in her most calculated manner tells us how she is just going to let the time take its course, cause “you can’t plan something like that;” so in the next scene we see Oyster laying flat on her back on Flav’s bed, all clad in satin, with Flav on her shoulder—snoring away—and Oyster staring into space, horrified.
Then Sweetie steps it up—by jumping up and down on Flav’s lap—as Flav recalls his mother’s assessment of Sweetie as one who is “desperate to win.”
“You don’t know,” says Flav, “…drowning in a sea of women.” Not all that pleasant an analogy, Flav.
That night, New York gets all dressed up—or down—in matching bra, panties, garter, and pumps, and enters
sleeping Flav’s suite…where next to him is the sleeping Pumkin. New York doesn’t care, since she just wants to be with him (which will actually, he will tell her way later, impress the hell out of him…how she could just be there, watching him, even while he was with another and all).
The next challenge is upon them, the test of who can cook him some fried chicken. Sweetie has a chicken phobia that makes her cry; Hottie raises her hand and asks if they can, like, call and have the dinner catered; and Moms is back to test the chicken samples with her son.
Hottie has micro-waved her chicken, and added some funky marshmallows and stringy something, justifying her inability (or refusal) to cook by saying how this way is much healthier and less fattening, but the chicken is raw and Flav thinks it’s intended as a joke while Moms just stands there bug-eyed in horror.
New York’s is awesome, except that she ruined it with added lemons; Pumkin’s “aint even done”—which makes Flav run to the rest room, making the girls think the theme of the season has been re-started tonight; and Hoopz’s is perfect, so she wins.
Flav is acting odd, if you ask me, as he just shrugs when he announces Hoopz as the winner. But when she descends the Elizabeth Taylor staircase, he drops his jaw and says how “slammin’” she is.
Oyster’s glad she made it another round; Smiley is feeling “so disrespected;” and Goldie is just gonna continue being a “nice, caring girl.”
Told by Flav that Time’s Up: Sweetie.
Sweetie gets evicted, cause as Flav says, “You can’t put a damned chicken in the microwave and serve it to my Mom…but Sweetie wasn’t feelin’ me like that, ya know?”
Sweetie challenges his decision, saying “I don’t feel you really feel me like dat, ya feel me?” And we are all feeling somethin’…..
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