Flavathon Season One, Episode Three

Flavathon Season One, Episode Three by Roxanne McDonald

Flavor of Love marathon…for anyone who missed season one; for anyone who just wants to revisit the glorious past that is New York and Flava Flavvvv!; for anyone who is so into “Flavor of Love” and its ongoing drama(s)….

Still Hoping to Learn What Time it is: Goldie, Hoopz, Hottie, New York, Oyster, Peaches, Pumkin, Serious, Smiley, and Sweetie.

“A Friend of Flav’s is a Friend of Mine”

Flav’s heh-heh challenge for the girls this time begins in a retirement home. As the girls all come bouncing and boisterous into the community living room, the old ladies drop their teeth, while the old men immediately latch on to the idea of sweet young things playing games with them and whatnot.

Someone has the idea (Flav?) that they will give foot

massages and pedicures, and New York almost continues the puking theme—gagging and showing how disgusted she is by standing up and walking away.
One elderly woman drops her dentures—literally, this time—and Sweetie helps her put them back in…actually puts them back in for her. “I love helping people,” she beams, “so I was like, ‘I’m in the house’ [with] that cha-ching moment!” Imagine how thrilled she’d have been had a resident needed a diaper changing.

After seeing (by way of a Meet the Fokkers undercover surveillance system) how the girls were all so good, Flav is giddy about getting to pick his date for the night (Sweetie, of course)…to take her to his “most favorite place in the world.” Now she is and we are expecting something that lives up to the Trump-like statement—with things being the best in the world and all—but they end up at…[meaningful pause] Red Lobster.

Sweetie confides how she was thinking it was going to be some Hollywood venue, some place where “only A-list people can get in…” so she is clearly disappointed. Ah, well, good endorsement for the restaurant, anyway. That part is Trumpesque. Further, and what is really kind of funny, Sweetie is grossed out to the max by Flav’s sucking and slurping over a whole boiled lobster….

Then butter-lipped Flav asks Sweetie if he wanted to taste her mouth how long would it take; she says three weeks, which stuns him.

In the confession cam room she adds another “Eeehew,” and says she “just [doesn’t] move that fast.”

Back home, the girls have other fine dining establishments on their minds. Well, Pumkin does, anyway. The other girls are impressed with her dancing and whooping it up, and tell her she is so OG. She tells us later, “OG…Olive Garden?

NY is also speaking principles, saying she is so not the type to hold shit in…that she needs to “release”. Missing a jacket, she accuses Hottie, who has been said to “cut up clothes and hide things.”
NY confronts the very cool Hottie, who tuh-tih says such things are beneeeth her, beyond her interest levels. But New York asks how she wants to pay—cash, check, or charge. Then, Hottie kind of goes sideways, saying something about how everyone says she looks like Beyonce…and the crowd of girls goes wild!

Goldie then says one of the most compelling comments of the night, that “Hottie is two chocolate chips short of a cookie,” and I wonder if she has knowledge of the use of the word “cookie”, for she certainly has the market on clever witticisms.

While someone else says New York is “just a high-maintenance bitch,” the girls get a Flavo-gram that invites Pumkin, Hoopz, Smiley, and Serious on the next “date”, which is really more like the reality TV challenge from hell if you ask me: they are driven to somebody named Lulu’s birthday party, where screaming and raw egg messing and puking on sleeves (whoop! There’s the next thematic contribution…) all test the girls being watched, again, by Flav in his super surveillance mobile.

Pumkin is once again non-plussed, as her teacher/cheerleading coaching are ideal for this test, even though Serious “wins” and even though Goldie was giving Pumkin a run for her merit what with taking the purple puke all down her front and arm and all….

And New York continues to get her digs in, making a passive-aggressive comment to Hoopz, now about how worn out she looks (and therefore how inept she is around children), while Serious descends the staircase and looks so good to Flav he later tells us, “Eeeeeeeeeeeee! I couldn’t wait to burst those bubbles!”

Red Oyster, not to be left out or forgotten or rusty in her practice of spying and squealing, tells Flav Serious is just there to further her modeling career.

Told by Flav that Time’s Up: Peaches and Serious.

Red Oyster gets her way, again, so while New York is the one everyone has eyes out for as the dangerous contender, Red O is slinking and skulking about and eating up the ground upon which they so confidently stand.

“It’s so tough to be misunderstood,” says the rejected one, wrapping up the show.

SirLinksAlot Flavor of Love links

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