The Fate of the Final Five
How the Fate of the Final Five Should Go by Roxanne McDonald
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Predictions and plans for the final “I Love New York” suitors should include some harsh action. |
Twelve-Pak is already taken out of the mix, but given his indifference to New York’s feelings, even after she overheard his plans to be able to get any job he wanted because of his star-quality appearance –uph, puhleease— he should get punished rather than profits: what would be real poetic justice (and you could take a lesson from Tupac in the movie by the same name, 12-Prick) would be if no one hired the big buffoon…who is not all that good looking anyway.
Now for Chance’s fate: Either the duration of “I Love New York” has to be long enough for Chance to cycle through back to pissing off Mother New York one more time and frustrating New York enough so that she can see who she has been falling for, for real. She has from the start
boasted of her likenesses to Chance, her liking his thuggish, obtrusive ways. In the latest episode (on March 5th), she reiterated how he is a “pushy, in-your-face loudmouth” and how that turns her on. But previews for next week suggest maybe her being all in love, giving him diamonds, and feeling so heated with their fancy dining kissfest that she was ready to “pop and blow up and push it all up at the table right there” will turn out to be not worth the trouble and pain Chance will cause.
I think we should take away his bling, de-throne him by withholding the next New York necklace, and force him to date Omarosa.
Next is Tango: this boy has way too much drama—though New York can match him in this department, maybe he would be better for Moms. She could have a little lovin’ on the side, if it’s alright with Mr. New York. Tango pulled the sulking, weepy thing a couple of weeks back, which made New York flinch but also had her thinking in terms of Romeo and Juliet since the tantrum took place with Tango on the ground pining up toward the balcony.
Then, this week he got all wigged about New York getting all wigged about how the ex-girlfriend was getting a little too much attention and therefore made New York rebuff him when he approached…which made him “bounce”. Or pretend to. He starts packin’ shit in his ditty bag; she chases after. He walks away; she snaps at his being a fake with his “pleather” and all. He’s “dead to her.” Tango is torn. New York is crying. Tango tries to re-bluff. New York pulls her signature dress up to reveal ass move. They meet on their favorite drama balcony for soft make-up scenes, and Tango admits how she “switched gears on [him] just like that—snap—and pulled [him] back in.”
Whew. I’m exhausted just re-capping a few short moments.
Methinks all we need to get him is a therapist.
Real is apparently, as far as Moms and New York see it, still in love with his ex; and Whiteboy seems to have some unfinished business with his ex from a five-year realationship he said nothing about to New York until the ex came to the house at New York’s invitation.
So I say we get rid of the “What the hell am I doing in the bottom two?” Tango; send Whiteboy and Real back to conclude their former love stories, and bring back Boston for New York to crown king.
Hell, the whole show is a take-off of a take-off (of The Bachelor), anyway, and that mate searching show—along with many others–brings back formers all the time. Even Flava Flav brought back New York herself, so she should be familiar with and agreeable to the format.
Boston would be, as Mother New York once said, very good for Tiffany. And besides, he’s the best kisser.
SirLinksAlot I Love New York links
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