However Shall We Re-Name Them? Kathy Griffin Opts for D-listers to Get Her Off the D-list

However Shall We Re-Name Them? Kathy Griffin Opts for D-listers to Get Her Off the D-list by Roxanne McDonald

Well, okay, given the new list of men Kathy Griffin asks us to choose from—to have her date so she can get off the D-list by having a his-and-her moniker melding (Brangelina, TomKat, Bennifer)–maybe the choices are not all D-list dateables. But, what, we have to come up with a Kathy and Sanjaya combo?

Maybe only one is a D-lister. Or two. Sanjaya is on the chart Kathy has crafted as part of her new plan to evade the ranking she has suffered for so long, as is the dubious K-Fed (who if he thinks he will get any of Kathy’s money, has another think coming). Some ratty choices to begin with, I’d say. And what in hell would we do with the names to make the new couple worthy of moving up the rank and file of celebrity status (if that is even possible, given how you know this whole thing is a hysterical schlep for viewer ratings more than anything else, anyway)?

Whatever the solution or outcome, I’m on board.

Season three of “Kathy Griffin: My Life on the D-List” will run the premise of Kathy getting out of that lowest echelon of

celebrities by dating her way into a power couple combo. She thought her first husband loved her, she says, but she also thought she was marrying for keeps. But like a fool, she married for love, she confesses, glibly suggesting that this time, the tactic should include efforts to marry someone who will help her get off the D-list.

No surprise, then, given her humor, is her compilation of likely candidates for the title of Mr. Griffin, any one of whom we fans can vote for her to date by texting DLIST to Bravo (27286) and/or by visiting www.OffTheDList.com. And what would the new couple be called?

There’s Larry Birkhead, successfully-named father to Anna Nicole Smith’s baby. Could he be the next half of XXX?

There’s Kevin Federline, already associated as the not-so-better half of Spederline. Maybe he will be a better co-partner in crime as half of KaKe?

There’s Mario Lopez, getting more press for his slumlording than his acting or dancing (on Dancing with the Stars way back when), but with those dimples and devoted attitude, who says he wouldn’t be counterpart in MaGriff? Ka-Lo?

Prince William would give Griffin a ready-made power couple coinage, but maybe for Hollywood we could tweak their title, tweaking on the Jewish American Princess and British Prince honorifics…of which I can think of none at the moment. Umm, Menschy Royale? Darn, this will be a hard one.

And then, finally, there’s Sanjaya. Now you know that as a great jabbing joke, voters might just land him in her lap. We already have “fanjayas”. Hmmm. Kalikar seems exotic enough. But then there’s the Idolatry and Pedantry combined for not their names merged but their fated to atay on the D-list powerlessness? Pedalatry? K-Ped?
Of these choices, the one with the greatest number of votes will be featured on “Kathy Griffin: My Life on the D-List,” during the July 24th season finale…after Griffin does her prison stints and personal slants on one or more of the above in her sets, I bet.

It will be verrrry interesting to witness, however the voting goes. And even if the final choice falls short of Kathy’s expectations, she will likely save the season with her sick and acerbic wit.

“Kathy Griffin: My Life on the D-List” 3 premieres Tuesday, June 5, 2007, on Bravo.

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