Ahoy There, Greedy
Ahoy There, Greedy by Roxanne McDonald
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The theme of the summer extends the pirate construct, exposes the greedier (or worst-playing) contestants, and gets rid of the pirate who would have been the prettiest to look at. |
So pirate John will have to settle for looking good on a rum bottle, or whatever gigs he gets having done “Pirate Master”. The rest will go on to vie for the booty that is attractive in itself…if you’re not sick of “Survivor” or pirate movie spin-offs.
I don’t know how long I will last doing recaps of “Pirate Master.” Though the set and cinematography are visually appealing, the format is so much like “Survivor” and the
theme is so done….I just can’t get as excited as I do for, say, “Big Brother,” “On the Lot,” or even “Hell’s Kitchen. To agree with me are the viewers who turned instead to “Are You Smarter than a Fifth Grader?” “The Scripps National Spelling Bee,” or re-runs of “My Name is Earl” [or who are still resenting the cancellation of “Jericho”].
But what self-declared TV and reality TV addict would be able to boast devoted non-stop watching of every possible show if he or she didn’t at least give a nod or tip a skull and crossbones cap?
So here goes…sniff.
The contestants (and their first episode doings and dealings, from what we could see) are as follows:
Ben Fagan is not bad to look at—for us—and is not bad as an ally, evidently. JD has chosen the musician to be his officer, to get one eight of the first booty, and to have the cushier quarters on the ship they are all trapped together on for the duration.
Christian Okoye, a former NFLer, has stayed low key enough that like Earl of the most recent “Survivor,” may go far by keeping his mouth shut most of the time. Or playing the right hands on deck.
Joe Don “JD” Norton, a naval man and firefighter, has taken the first Captain’s quarters, and has already pissed off half the crew with his greedy gobbling of half the booty and distribution of another quarter to Ben and Cherl, his chosen “officers”.
Louie “Rufus” Frase has already gotten a black spot…for his [Survivor] Rupert Boneham likeness? For his scurvy mutiny suggestions?
Nessa Nemir is another playing close to the chest.
Jay Hatkow is a mechanic who is already underestimated on the bad ship Picton Castle. But he has also already established his end goals—to be everybody’s friend who has no problem cutting throats if necessary. Oh, Jay, I would almost bet it will be necessary.
Cheryl Kocewicz is using her attorney wits, for sure [as well as, likely, her experiences living on a “self-sufficient,” self-contained farm]. She has already managed to be chosen by JD as a first mate, or officer, or whatever, and has pulled in an eighth of the first booty the black team won.
Kendra Guffey is quiet, so I can’t comment much on what this dive master does or how she is received by her fellow pirate competitors…yet.
Sean Twomey doesn’t reveal much in the first “I Want That Treasure” episode—save the implicit: he grew up on boats and on the sea, he says, so we can count on either some experiential suggestions or some braggadocio from this bartender from Venice, California.
Azmyth Kaminski looks right at home on The Picton Castle…well, sort of. He may make for a better contestant on another reality show—one where the set is a throwback hippie commune? Don’t know. He doesn’t talk much either.
Alexis Shubin is a fashion publicist and water polo player who has no problem publicizing her feelings—responses to how elected captain JD took 20 grand, gave 5 grand to each of his officers, Cheryl and Ben, and left only 2 grand apiece for the remaining pirate players.
Christa DeAngelo looks like Heidi from “Survivor,” doesn’t she? Not to compartmentalize our viewing habits, but, hey, seems she and the others each have a typecast future. Again, she is also laying low, so who can say for sure whether she will make as far as Heidi did or whether she will be a Johnny Fairplay or even a Boston Rob?
Jocelyn “Joy” McElveen was pretty high profile in the first episode of “Pirate Master.” Or at least she got a good bit of camera time. She was the only one visibly seasick, was one of the only women (if not the only—I can’t remember, so you who pick on every article and adjective on this blog don’t go nuts, please) to climb the mast first chore, and was one of the three with a Black Spot and up for elimination in the first Pirates” Court.
Laurel Scmidt should work closely with Azmyth.
Elica “Jupiter” Mendoza is openly lesbian, openly critical and snarky, and open for attacks—though I am not sure who thinks what of her, yet, as she was neither chosen for the special Captain’s Quarters nor put up to walk the plank…yet.
John Lakness –This self-proclaimed scientist-slash-exotic dancer (that right there should have been a clue of some sort of duality) is so good looking that now that he is gone (first voted out at Pirates’ Court) that he will make for a fine rum bottle label or cover of a Harlequin novel. Better to do something with those looks than try and work with that egomaniacal personality, anyway.
The coolest part of “Pirate Master” 1 for me was not the Pirates of Penzance or Treasure Island at Las Vegas appearance of the ship but the rain storm during Pirates’ Court. That and the fact that these guys have to live together on the ship for how many weeks? And they thought being smashed together on a big ol island was endless. Har har har.
SirLinksAlot Pirate Master links
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