Bridezillas Kicks Ass…Somebody’s, Anyway

Bridezillas Kicks Ass…Somebody’s Anyway by Roxanne McDonald

So they want the ideal day. Most of them have dreamt of the specifics of this one perfect day since they were little girls practicing dress-up in Mommy’s lipstick and heels. But, as Murphy’s law and reality (and reality TV) would have it, the Bridezillas’ unrealistic expectations inevitably usher in drama after drama and debacle after debacle.

The cake is crunched. The dresses are ill-fitting. The bridal party members are recalcitrant, reticent, and soon, resentful.

The brides-to-be on Bridezillas are beeyatches. They swear at loved ones. They threaten in-laws. They insult service providers, professionals, and kin. And they demand, demand, demand. One bride-to-be insists on three wedding rings, botox treatments, teeth-whitening, and high couture.

One fiance says to her man that “it’s not about you, it’s about MEEE.”

Another, Melia, engaged to pro ballplayer Richard Rodriguez, admits, “when it’s not about me, I get a little jealous.” Ryan guzzles wine at every opportunity, then gets lectured by her fiance and whimpers that she didn’t “mean” to get so tipsy or to have so many drinks. Can you say “codependency in the making”?

The premise of Bridezillas is simple and obvious. The women want the perfect Cinderella day and act out, act up, act like impetuous brats in preparation of that expensive, ostentatious, and ordinary for every other person day. The understanding is that these women are monsters during this time, but wouldn’t their core personalities show every other time of the year? Doesn’t Honor catch on that Ryan may have a drinking problem way BEFORE the wedding week? Isn’t Adi aware that his fiance, Milena, has some serious control issues, as she insists on having the last word on everything he is in charge of in preparation for their wedding reception? Hasn’t Bart considered Shelayna’s spending habits BEFORE the moment she brings home a bridal bouquet she has paid 65.00 for and is rejecting in favor of another color and flower type arrangement?

Maybe I don’t have a realistic or reasonable approach to weddings or long-term relationships. Maybe I have a warped idea of what is important. Or maybe, with a simple, humble life, unencumbered by materialism, I have no frame of reference for the bride that spends thousands of dollars on one dress, who controls her mate and who has a mate who lets her (maybe even wants, needs, and LIKES for her to) control him.

Or maybe I just think too much – about, for example, how the most controlling of brides is wearing the most elaborate of veils, when the veil originally represented, hah, obedience.

But with

the twenty-four-hour cameras on the brides-to-be from all cultures, status levels, and mentalities (mostly bratty), and with the factzillas about weddings and marriage and expenditures, I can’t help but watch and bitch, too. Hell, it’s better than watching the sister show, Platinum Weddings, and realizing that, for instance, the wedding that costs 179,00 dollars would keep someone like little ol’ me alive for EIGHTY-FIVE YEARS!!!!

I guess everything, every bitch, is relative.

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