Gene Simmons Finds Yet another Venue for Stardom

Gene Simmons Finds Yet another Venue for Stardom by Roxanne McDonald

Gene Simmons is still at it, or at it again, in his new reality TV show, Gene Simmons’ Family Jewels–ala rock stars who have retired but who have now invited us into their homes to witness the most specific or most intimate of details.

In not one but several episodes of Gene Simmons Family Jewels the self-proclaimed God of Rock once again finds an ingenious marketing ploy to pursue: besides following in the God of Heavy Metal Ozzie Osbourne’s celebreality exposure by way of TV, he is creating and selling video tapes for sexercise, which he spells SXERCISE, I believe.

At the same time that he is readying to go interview / audition potential sxercise stars for the video, darling daughter Sophie comes to his office, approaching him with her latest school assignment for career week.

She has chosen her illustrious and legendary Papa, though she is up to this moment unaware he is endeavoring to do sex positions meet aerobics. He suggests she get a sampling of his plan, as the school might not, he notes, take to this type of career material.

As in previous episodes where Gene is under scrutiny about how much weight he has or has not gained (Give the guy a break! He has earned the relaxed eating lifestyle, has he not?), his assistants come with his KiSS costume, to make sure it fits.

Gene is scheduled to

do a gig in Las Vegas, and so stoic as ever, he allows the women to snap and hook and Velcro him into the many-parted and layered leather contraption … which he comments smells like ass – un-wiped. Sure, he gets the vulgar in there, or what we who have followed him know as straight, blunt, direct communication.

The second and third episodes of Gene Simmons Family Jewels “outperformed” the debut episode, as did those following outdo them. Following episodes have continued to perpetuate the raising of the bar, just as they perpetuate the mystique of the man who has his hand in many charitable and industrious efforts and who continues to entertain, using as he so smartly does the medium and technology of the time.

The tongue doesn’t come out so much these days,

and the sex with thousands of women is less a claim to fame (or should be) than his raising of such wonderfully balanced and enjoyable to watch kids.

I know, I know. I may sound like some old bible belt denizen who has family jewels as family values as the be-all and end-all of any show. (And if that were the case I could still write about the show, for tonight, for instance, he promotes sexuality but in the next gig is promoting SAFE sexuality and sex, too.)

But I am actually one of those of the age of the original groupiedom and the first KISS concerts and 33s. Remember those? 33s? And so when I comment on how awesome his son and daughter are or how his fidelity and sexuality are quite healthy, etc., I do so with respect and fondness for one who is still on occasion right there screaming (or, now in my aging years, swooning slightly) for Ozzie and the Who and the other “role models” of our teen years in the 70s … those celebrities whom, it is brilliant to witness, are still healthy, still successful, and still putting on a damned good show, in and out of costume.

Sir Links Alot Gene Simmons’ Family Jewels Links

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