Double Date for Biker Babes

Double Date for Biker Babes by Roxanne McDonald

Well, it’s not a double date (as only Bret is doubled up with two women)…, and the “bikes” are not hogs but little two-stroke motocross bikes. But you get the idea.

What’s important for Heather is to keep a running count of who is good and who is bad. She announces to us that on

the first list are Magdalena, Mia, Jess, Dallas, Erin, you know…, the “fake girls,” she says, for of course good and fake are synonymous. But the authentic bitches are the baddies, including her, Brandi, Lacey, and Kristia. Kick me if I’m off, here, but I don’t see the division as all that accurate.
What’s important for Bret is motocross, and, evidently Kristia is not far behind on that passion: she loooves anything cross—motocross, snowcross, supercross, oooh, you name it, she coos.

Of course, Bret sums up the pending disaster by saying it will be either really sexy or somebody is going to get hurt.

And somebody does.

Dallas goes flying during practice, flying during the race, and even flying off the emotional handle when she and Lacey CONTINUE to get into it over PETA pets and animals issues.

While Sam and Magdalena (two of the four winners of the “Rock of Love” race) watch Bret Michaels home movies and then have a make-out session by taking turns kissing or discussing kissing with Bret, Lacey is dogging Dallas. And she trails. And she nags. And she harasses. And she harangues. Even after Dallas gives her a hefty enough get off me shove that sends Lacey rocking and reeling, Lacey continues in this bizarre, sedulous following and taunting…until Rodeo bear-handed muckles and wrangles that baby heifer to the floor, full Nelson crisis intervention style.

I’m exhausted and it is only a half-hour in….

Rodeo (still pumped) and Brandi M get the daytime date to Ashley Paige bikini shop where—need I tell you—the two strut their barely covered stuff for the boy. Bret says Brandi looked awesome, and Rodeo tells us Brandi M may as well take her young ass home cause Bret only has eyes for her, Rodeo. Sigh. This always turns out embarrassing. For somebody.

Lacey and others have shifted harassment focus and are now drawing stick pictures of “Clavical Jes.”

Man, Lacey, you really know how to pick those you pick on—the toughest chicks in the loft.

Brett has now taken Brandi M and Rodeo to lunch on a deck overlooking the valley, and Brandi is none too thrilled that Rodeo is doing so much of the talking that she can’t get a word in. So Brandi relies on the good old standby: when Bret asks for turn-ons and turn-offs, she delivers the “pull my hair, punch me, twist my nipples” speech [and no, don’t write to me and say this is a misquote: I get it.] Brett is of course redirected…, or the blood that was in his head and on the way to his digestive tract is now on its way back to that boy place Brandi knows full well will make her stand out at elimination

time and will piss off Rodeo in the process.
Actually, Rodeo is horrified, saying she has more of what they all think they have so much of: class, more class than that, for sure.

Yeah, and Sam was so pious about how sacred kissing is and how long did it take her to not only kiss Brett and not only do so in front of another woman but add a word that would also get Bret’s gears a churnin and a turnin?

Orgasm.

Boobs.

Huuuuhhhhhhh [Heavy breathing.]

Come on, get with it, girls! It’s getting close to VIP Backstage Pass time!

Right before this, Bret reminds himself and us that time is ticking and he needs to get to know some of these women better. He has a one-on-one chat with Kristia, which goes nowhere. He talks with Sam—though I don’t know why her and not someone who has not just been on a date and had her tongue in his throat [for instance, this Mia person who keeps getting a pass but whom we only see from afar or in the brief close-up moment when she is accepting a pass].

He talks with someone who acts all of twelve [oh, that must be Erin.]; then again to Brandi C. who says she is so not there just to get on TV…as she puffs up her Gummy Boobs even more as she stands…if that’s possible.

And Bret, having got the reports from Rodeo, talks to Dallas and Lacey together. They go on and on about the PETA rules versus I am not here to date YOU bickering, and Bret indicates that ONE of them has to go.

And you KNOW it aint gonna be the bellicose babe who is boosting the ratings with her inanity.

The passes get offered to and accepted by the final ten:

Brandi M
Jes
Heather
Rodeo
Brandi C
Erin
Mia
Magdalena
Sam
Lacey

Kristia is numb enough she accepts the slight well, but Dallas flips Bret the bird and leaves. This, this, he says, is just rude. After he has opened his house and invited her in and all, and she doesn’t even have the grace to say thanks.

Maybe you will get a note after she has cooled off, Bret. Then again, don’t hold your breath.

SirLinksAlot Rock of Love links

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