Be Classy and Sassy and Touch Your Assy

Be Classy and Sassy and Touch Your Assy by Roxanne McDonald

The Pussy Cat Doll contenders bring back the original PCD burlesque.

Good for Anastacia: Chelsea keeps digging her about her eating habits and preferences and psychology and whatnot, and Anastacia tells her she needs to stop.

Bad for Anastacia: how she allows the body weight image thing interfere with what is actually lovely singing and dancing. Well, Anastacia was one of my favorites, anyway, and one I thought to have both talents/skills the Pussycat Dolls are seeking: good singing and good dancing (while most of the others are weak in one area).

Good for the Pussycat Dolls hopefuls: the opportunity to be backup dancers at a Pussycat Dolls performance.

Bad for two of the hopefuls: not all the contenders can

participate (why, I have no idea—just seems cruel), so after a mini challenge, learning and practicing the dance routine in one or two hours, the girls board the bus and are immediately yanked back off to perform right there in Priscilla, Queen of the Desert style (or whatever that movie is named).

Chelsea and Anastacia are the worst, so they have to sit on the bus while the others go on stage. Why, too, do they have to stay on the bus?! Could they not have sat in the audience at least!?

Chelsea yaks away about how they should have brought a board game or something, and Anastacia tells us this is like being in prison with Chelsea as her cellmate.

Meanwhile, we have yet another hopeful admitting her lack of that which the PCDs are all about—sexiness (why oh why do they audition for something that requisitions the very

requisites they don’t have?)…so she blows off using her boob pads till Mikey admonishes her.
We have a the same illustrious Mikey saying how Anastacia is “bland” and making a smelly face; and him saying that Chelsea “kinda looks like a dead chicken,” though she is a quick study.

And we have the same flat-chested but artificially enhanced Melissa R. so anxious about going onstage that three times she jumps her cue.

We also have Melissa S. (still my favorite) crying again, and Anastacia saying how she has more to cry about than Melissa S..

We get Chelsea admitting how hard Mikey is on her, how it’s good for her, and how she wasn’t good enough in the first mini-challenge and so “it’s like, what do I do?”

And we get the worst singer of the bunch (so good for her it’s a dance-off) getting immunity this week.

That leaves the burlesque beauties doing a Pink Panther, Fever, Big Spender medley that Robin has repeatedly said is near to her heart and which impresses and makes her proud.

This also leaves someone having to go home, and despite how Chelsea didn’t do much shaking and touching of the can, or how Melissa S. fumbled a few times, leaves the judges to send the beautiful Anastacia home.

You know, we should be used to different results than we hope for. The bachelor often picks the one who has some hidden hostility or issues or agendas—over the nice, loving, deserving one. The rattiest of reality TV contenders often gets the girl or the prize money or the car. And the nicest, most talented, and prettiest often get sacrificed for someone more mediocre.

Let’s hope this one doesn’t turn out to be some Sanjaya situation.

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