Dedicated to Anna Nicole and Immortality

Filed under: So You Think You Can Dance?
05-31-2007

Dedicated to Anna Nicole and Immortality and… Sniff… Whimper… by Roxanne McDonald

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Okay, so as Chicago guest judge in episode two (of Chicago and L.A. auditions) Shane Sparks said there’s a difference between unique and whack, and the whack outnumbered….

Days three and four of the try-outs for “So You Think You Can Dance?” brought more lunatics, but also saw the success of several lovelies.

The Loonies

Colin Wheeler has unlocked the key to life, he says with big, watery eyes. And uh-oh, you know we are not in for a message about the metaphor of dance. He has discovered, maybe, immortality! This reminds him, unfortunately, of a birthday he had where Anna Nicole showed up, hugged him, and said happy birthday. He loves her so much, he begins to sob, that she still visits, gives him signs, and therefore has him deciding to dedicate this dance audition to her. Maybe his birthday was last week and she has been dead but immortalized all along…and this is his key.

He does this ethereal thing on stage, kind of a continuation of his dissertation but in these dreamy gooey break dance moves that make those of us who have looked away and then back to thing either the guy is dancing in Jello or there is something wrong with our slow-mo function on the TV set.

Nigel says he is not sure if “we should come to your planet or you should come ours…,” and notes how Colin was still floating around after the music had stopped. Guest judge for L.A., Wade Robeson says, “Wait…I have to wake up out of my hypnosis,” then that if someone was at a rave at 3 o’clock in the morning, that would work. Nigel has thus far kept his original vow to not be mean, and while Colin and his dance are not right for this competition, he thanks him for bringing it to them.

Bryce “Gold Inferno” Cleverly has the kind of Unknown Comic thing going on with this creepy Buck Rogers helmet/hood/mask. Or maybe it’s the suitor in the iron mask from that Monika Lewinsky-hosted show? He intends to keep anonymous by keeping the mask on always. This would have been a really cool conceit (imagine the blogging and buzzing it would have generated, ala Sanjaya infamy!) had he danced well. He does some weird-ass thing that makes us thing he might have shared some crack with Colin, then tells the judges that he is the master, the king, of jump dance or break jumping or whatever.

Nigel has been hitting that same pipe, evidently, for he apologizes that maybe he is getting as crazy as Gold Inferno is, but he is going to send the guy through to choreography. He also adds that the guy could end up winning the whole competition. Okay, the dark horse theory is stretched reeeeally thin, here. Not to worry, folks. Gold Inferno is not through to Vegas. He has to go save jump dancers everywhere, anyway.

Amanda Vivona is by no means as visibly nutty, but when she starts her bragging, we get a hint that she is at least going to embarrass herself. Oh, wait, these people don’t embarrass easily, cause they know they are great. Amanda even says what the other bad dancers say but says that while they SAY it, she CAN DO it…the great dancing. Uh. No. She can’t. A mad hybrid of ballet and hip hop later, the well-intentioned Nigel asks, “Did you say, when I asked earlier, that you could dance?” She nods that of course she did. “Well, you were lying.” Wooof.

Joshua Hill is this guy watching his feet as they shuffle ploddingly along. That’s it. Just BARELY moves…and watches his feet.

Nigel has to call up the “promised not to be mean this season” mantra, then says that that kind of dance is great for social gatherings and that Josh will meet a lot of people and make a lot of friends. Will he? Wade tells him he is not right for this competition but to keep doing what he’s doing, being passionate and all. Oh, and Joshua alludes to returning to entertain us again next year, saying he will wait and see what a year will do. Not sure it’s the time you need, Josh, buddy.

The Lovelies

Lauren “Misha” Gottlieb is, as Mary says, one we love to watch. She is good enough and pretty enough that they send her straight through to Vegas.

Jessi Peralta does such a sexy number that Mary says what a sensual little piece that was, and asks Jessi where she was when she made that up. Jessi confesses that she whipped it together the night before, at the gym, so it was probably the guys working out that inspired the number. When the three judges unanimously agree to send her through to Vegas, she says, “I’ll bring the baby oil.” So we’ve got some sophistication, here, eh?

Olivia Usey is a mass of emotions, as she brings her having danced since she was 1 ½ but has not danced for three years but is now auditioning for Anna Nicole. I mean Mom, who has cancer and whom Olivia hopes can see her dance at least one more time.

Nigel says she danced very nicely, and though she fell off at a number of points, she regained her center. Mary acknowledges how it seemed she was really struggling, really fighting, and they can see she really wants this. (Well, if that were the only criterion….) Anyway, with Wade agreeing she was shaky but would get it back and his saying she is a “great” dancer, Olivia is locked in as a lovely. (Thank God for that “potential” clause.)

Dia Beck and Kurt Myers make Mary and Nigel chuckle, chuckle, chuckle. Not because they suck at dancing (they don’t) but because Kurt has perpetual hiccups (has had them for seven years) and Dia does this unconscious wink, as if she has a tic. Between the two of them, the judges say, with her winking and his hiccupping, they are a very strange couple. When they can stop laughing long enough to speak, Nigel says that Kurt is a good partner whose performance he enjoyed. Nigel thinks Kurt should be given the opportunity. Mary agrees that Kurt is “there eveytime for her,” but adds that he is not bal, bal, balanced—more laughter—on his feet, not grounded at all.

Then Nigel notes Kurt has stopped hiccupping…long enough to hear he is through to Vegas. To Dia he says, “Give me a wink.” And sends her through as well.

Jesus “Chuy” Solorio does a remarkable job of wowing the judges without the wink. Wade calls it “worship dance;” Nigel asks why he didn’t get through last season (the ballroom dance threw it for Jesus) and says as far as he is concerned the guy should go through to Vegas; and Mary tells him, “You have just lifted the energy in this room.” Wade adds that he is wonderful, and as the happy dancer leaves with his plane ticket, Wde also says thank Jesus they have some good people to pass through.

Hokuto “Hok” Konishi, one of my favorites, is an absolute dynamo. Returning from season two, Hok can now realize his aspirations. Last time, he was pushed through (and rightfully so), but had to drop out because he had student visa issues. (It was not clear, and that Hok is Asian with a British accent threw me, so I don’t know and only guess that the visa had expired.)

Anyway, Hok performs a dynamic, stunning, animated, (and I think Shane would agree) unique routine. Mary and Nigel give him a standing o. Nigel starts by saying, “Just show me one thing: show me the work permit.” Hok whips out his laminated visa. Nigel breathes a sigh of relief and says congratulations to Hok, adding that he is fabulously entertaining throughout the audition, that he was great fun, and that he has so many different moves.

Mary says he is such an entertainer and she is so pleased he came back with the necessary card. And Wade says that with his multiple interpretations of the music, Hok is very talented, is “bad-ass”.

Dominic “D-Trix” Sandoval auditions after we have seen a montage of spectacular moves, so we are nervous but hopeful. But his audition is a follow-up example of the spectacular: he does some succinct and popular moves (hip hop/break), and adds this amazing double aerial, topping that only with a number of well-timed sustained break dance spins.

Nigel says the many moves were fantastic, and that D’Trix reminds him how he loves B boying. I have little knowledge of the dance subgenres, but I imagine, then, that B boying is what I described as the break-dancing/hip hop hybrid. Mary agrees that the many great moves make him so much fun to watch, and adds that she hopes he can do more [than just B-boying]. And Wade, knowing the techniques, tells D’Trix that the staccato moves, the freezes, and the other moves are great, but worries that he might be just a “45-second” performer…wonders if there’s more. They will find out, for D’Trix is on to Vegas.

Brianne Healey

Okay, I put a nod to her here, but the dancing was just, well, okay for me (as Randy Jackson might say). The judges say she has a beautiful smile and a beautiful spirit; that she’s an

“inspiration”; and Nigel thanks her for the audition, saying, “See you later…in the choreography round.” The vague and ambiguous critiques seem to suggest otherwise, but the dance was evidently beautiful, lovely, enough.

Season Two champ Benji Schwimmer shows up, all funny and announcing his grand arrival, asking the crowd who wants autographs. He has come back with little sister, Lacie, who was just shy of her 16th birthday (and the regulation age) for last season’s auditions and whom Benji promised he would escort back this year if he made it last. Lacie is so remarkably good, despite her odd facial expressions, which Nigel calls face-pulling even a pretty girl cannot pull off) that the judges tell her she made her “partner” look good; that she is playful and sexy; that she is, indeed, wonderful. Nigel says their father has taught them both well.

Morgan Larsen does a cool routine to start the Chicago auditions on day one. While the performer who follows her, Phillip Chabeeb has the intention to show the world something they have never seen before, Morgan is the one to surprise the judges: Nigel talks to Mary as Morgan dances, softly remarking that he has never seen X before…. Nigel says that wow, she is an “interesting little thing” and that she has some moves that their choreographer [Mandy Law] would love to get a hold of; and the guest judge for L.A. auditions, Shane Sparks, says she has so much fire and energy that it would be his pleasure to see Morgan in Vegas…well, of course, if the other judges…yes, they both agree.

Phillip Chbeeb does keep good his word, and while the judges are chuckling, he does this really unique pop-lock thing where his arms go all rubbery or fluid, like a wave that both arms outstretched actually form.

Shane says, “That’s what’s up. I’m not impressed by nothin’ too much. [And yes, my MS Word program goes nuts, but we get what he means.] That was probably some of the sickest hip hop I’ve seen in a long, long time.” And Shane adds that he is going to impress America, while Mary nods and also says she wants to be sure she will see other moves [other dance styles]. Nigel asks Phillip if he were a judge watching himself, what would he say, and after Phillip says that he would put him through, Nigel says that’s what they have decided. He is off to Vegas, baby.

Evita Arce and Michael Jagger do an adorable lindy hop, even though I can’t figure out the sneering on Nigel’s part, the stifling of giggles by Shane. Nigel says it is a lot of fun and he thoroughly enjoyed their tremendous performance; Mary says they have great style and great technique and were fantastic; and Shane says he loved and appreciated the choreography.

Janet Bombard is another hope and faith case, who does a lovely and romantic dance and who looks like Britney Spears as she tells the story of the acccident that took her arm. Nigel says he doesn’t think he would have known she had a prosthetic arm, as she “cope[s] so brilliantly.” Mary is also as knocked out as Nigel says he is, and tells Janet there’s a light inside of her. Shane runs with the philosophical waxing, saying everybody has a light but it’s too bad tragedy has to happen to bring it out in most of us. Bur=t, he adds, she is the “brightest light in the building.”

While Jon “Quincy” Vereen doesn’t make it to Vegas, I am putting him here for a couple of reasons. One, he’s not whack, though he got whacked pretty hard: a motorcycle accident left him without one leg and with a second that has been grafted and pieced together with rods. He had done the first season of “So You Think You Can Dance?” and was so good he had a signature move he called “the suicide.” Two, he is not a borderline case, as far as personalities go. Rather, he had such a good attitude that—even though he couldn’t do what he once did and just stands in one place on stage—he says he is just grateful to be on stage, to be able to walk and stand. The judges let him go to the choreography round just because it would “be a good experience” for him (and just because he has such a die-hard approach, and, I wonder, because maybe Nigel is getting Quincy into choreography so the kid doesn’t have to give up dance altogether).

I couldn’t help but think of “Dancing with the Stars” and Heather Mills with her prosthetic, but then couldn’t help but feel badly for Quincy, whose appearance was heartbreaking and who, I imagined, can’t afford such convincing prosthetics, yet.

You go, sir, and you will be back in the dance field in some capacity soon, I bet.

The Borderlines (Those Viewers Disagree with the Judges About, Those Somewhere between Whack and Unique)

Ernie “E.J.” Sierra breaks your heart in another way: he is sensuous, has some interesting and capable technique, but he is fat. How fat is he? So fat that his little crop top does not harken desires but images of a beer-bellied slob of a husband or ne’er do well brother.

But the judges are pretty harsh, Nigel especially, telling E.J. that the wild applause in the audience was not in favor but in patronizing fun. Then Nigel adds that he was impressed at times, that he was saying “Wow” to himself, for there were some things, Nigel says, that E.J. shouldn’t be able to do but he did. Wade says he danced “like a girl who can’t dance;” and Mary says she is “horrified” at his rolling around on the floor and touching himself. Okay, so you can’t get beyond fat, guys. But do you have to emphasize weight for E.J. when you don’t spew invectives for the one-arm dangling or the one leg poking stiffly and obviously useless? Hmmm. So the kid was fat. He also danced better than some of those you didn’t have appearance comments for.

Isauro Gomez and sister Yesenia Gomez

The E.J. thing brings us to the Gomez siblings, who dance individually. Isauro is about as good as E.J. and Yesenia is just as fat. Esauro doesn’t get put through; Yesenia does. She is so sweaty and rough that she really doesn’t have that appeal the judges are always clearly seeking. That makes me question how many are sent through to the next round just for a tease and just for enough contestants to make a show.

I mean, if they cut out ALL the mediocre auditioners, we would have a very short, say, fifteen-minute (if that), episode, wouldn’t we?

Granted, the ongoing audition weeks as televised can wear on us, but the coverage of the endless run of coo-coos really does help the viewers appreciate what the judges have to endure. Some degree of verisimilitude, and all that…. I am just grateful there are enough good dancers to make the show have a shelf life for longer than a few weeks.

SirLinksAlot So You Think You Can Dance links

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