What Do You Do When You Can’t Play Football?

What Do You Do When You Can’t Play Football? by Roxanne McDonald

What do you do when you can’t play football, be a cowboy, or convincingly simulate a cat?

You audition for “So You Think You Can Dance?”

Okay, to be fair, there was one cowboy who was delightfully entertaining with his line dance for one; and the ex football player was decent, doing his pirouettes and plies despite his poor father’s dream of having a hulking All-American quarterback with the Al—American cheerleader girlfriend.

Atlanta auditions gave us the rhinestone cowboy reincarnated (cept this rhinestone cowboy added dance to his leather/suede rhinestone-studded repertoire); the sweet young ex-football player who after a broken leg mishap could no longer play so turned to dance—which he has been doing for eight months and who is therefore not quite good

enough to move on (but is encouraged by the judges); a young man who presents himself professionally and is obsessed with N’Sync—crying when the bobbleheads came out on sale; a very large, very deluded [self-proclaimed trained in ballet and hip hop] young woman who was so immobile that Mary said she was sucking the life force out of her; and a chick in cat ears who didd little more than a bad prowling impression.

But in Atlanta were also rockin hot dancers who impressed Nigel, Mary, and Shane more:

Caitlin Cucchiara will miss graduation if she makes it to Vegas. She does a graceful and lovely modern dance that Nigel says shows she has been dancing for years; that Mary says is fantastic; and that makes Shane say he loves her and thinks she can go all the way. Guess Caitlin will be missing graduation.

Tony Valez clarifies for us [and especially for me] how it is NOT called break-dancing anymore but B-boying. As he auditions, Shane is kinda smirking and Mary is cackling away…quietly, but still…. But then Shane and Tony get into what Shane says is an A & B conversation, whatever that means, one that alienates Mary and Nigel so that they step away from the judges table. Shane decides, evidently (after switching seats and imitating each of the now absent judges—screaming shrilly for Mary and doing the thoughtful hand-on-temple pose for Nigel), and Tony is on to Vegas.

Brandon Norris is the tapper/clogger who doesn’t even do his routine before Nigel admonishes they have never put a clogger through, but he is amazing! Nigel says that while others have told him they were doing clogging and were lying, Brandon impresses him. And Shane, who is on a creative high for the night, goes into how he wants to do a show called “You’ve Been Clogged.” Still, after the choreography round, Brandon gets his ticket to Vegas.

Ashley Simpson hears all the jokes about her name—or gets the disappointed looks from people who realize she is not Jessica’s sister. But she gets no disapproving looks when she does rugged, pretty modern dance. Shane says she is very strong and out of control (I imagine in the good sense of the term/phrase). Mary calls her performance fantastic

and says Ashley is the type for whom people would get off their dinner-eating butts to vote. And Nigel agrees she is through to the choreography round.

Little guy Bryan Gaynor is adorable, but not because he is the “All-American” football star turned pointe dancer—because with scoliosis he is diminutive in size while with a focused and technically skilled approach to his robot dancing he is endearing.

Nigel is not sure how successful Bryan will be on the show, he says, but it doesn’t matter—because Bryan has taken physical appearance and size and worked with it…just brilliantly. Mary adds that Bryan knew how to work them; and Shane says he is crying in his seat, the guy’s so “money”.

Shane adds that if Bryan does not make it to Vegas he will put in good words for him for the upcoming movie Shane and others are making. When Bryan doesn’t make it past the choreography round (which of course had nothing to do with robotic movement), Shane keeps his word to get him a part.

Now that’s show business at its best.

SirLinksAlot So You Think You Can Dance links

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