Lieutenant McDreamy’s Nightmares
Lieutenant McDreamy’s Nightmares Have Just Begun by Roxanne McDonald
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He is dignified, debonair, and de rigeur. They are catty, and caterwauling already. Will the new bachelor be able to send off the right ones? |
So far he has made at least one good move.
It’s hard to watch the new “Bachelor: Officer and a Gentleman” after getting wrapped up in one of its wilder, crasser spin-off types—“I Love New York.” The contrasts are great, and the tenor is typically so much tamer that I forget to look up from whatever else I am doing while the show is on.
Then again….
It’s Andy Baldwin’s birthday.
In thirty years, he has worked his way to valedictorian in high school; a naval scholarship; a goal of becoming a Navy Seal; and a position as [doctor of medicine]. He is devoted to his practice as a Naval doctor, now, as much as he is to the men and women who offer their lives to “protect our sovereign rights,” he says. He has been decorated as an officer, too, and most recently was named Humanitarian of the Year.
The women—some of them, anyway—appear to be less honorable. One group of incoming bachelorettes is discussing the First Impression Rose as if it were the last loaf of bread on Exile Island. Another couple of strangers to each other is already starting the bullshit high school gang spatting—one saying, “If you have something to say [about me], come over here and say it;” the target asking for a repeat: “Excuse me?” and the original speaker getting slightly paranoid and saying how “Honey, I have ears like a fukkin’ hawk.”
Oh, Lt. Baldwin will be so proud.
Another couple of contenders learn that it is Lieutenenat McDreamy’s birthday, and go to the kitchen to make a cake—the fixins for which are conveniently there, save the eggs. That’s okay, one of the women suggests they replace the eggs in the recipe with Tequilla.
Oh, yes, I forgot that the token lushes will make for good TV. Remember the champagne milkshake analogue and the slurring and whatnot of the “princess” last season on “The Bachelor: Rome”? This year we have one of the blonds falling down drunk in the foyer, and others giggling and rolling their eyes almost as much as two or three in particular do at the first Rose Ceremony.
One especially foul-expressioned woman, who is not offered a rose, goes ballistic (kinda like the first doctor chick to be booted two seasons after she had told the bachelor her eggs were rotting). This one, Lyndsay, walks out of the ceremony hall with sparkly sandals in hand, then begins to rant about how she didn’t get picked because she isn’t blond, isn’t FAKE, and is, therefore, sour-grapes-glad she didn’t get asked to stay on such a FAKE show with a bachelor who, “…if truth be told,” she snipes, “has a BIG head and BIG teeth….” Ah, my dear, the better to bite your big ass with!
Okay, so maybe I need to retract my contrasting of “The Bachelor…” to “I Love New York.” Some of these babes could be switched with the New York bachelors and we’d not be any less or any more impressed.
SirLinksAlot The Bachelor links
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Oops. The good Navy doctor has done many wonderful things, but he does not, as you wrote, have a “doctorate.” A doctorate is earned by those who have Ph.D’s. The Bachelor doctor has an M.D.
They are not the same degree at all. I’m sure your bachelor doctor would welcome this correction. Most people are sensitive about this particular difference.
Forestpal
Comment by forestpal — April 4, 2007 @ 2:14 am