So Where’s the Paris Hilton with the Medical Condition?

So Where’s the Paris Hilton with the “Medical Condition”? by Roxanne McDonald

More utterly convincing (and utterly dreadful) impersonations make it through to the next round of “The Next Best Thing.” But where’s the realism, Paris Number 2?

Okay, so there were a couple of Paris Hilton impersonators…one of whom, while she didn’t feign a medical condition did look and sound enough like the real deal that Elon Gold says she is unprofessional, untalented, and therefore…Paris Hilton!

But as I promised in an earlier piece on “The Next Best Thing: Who is the Greatest Celebrity Impersonator?” attention should be paid to the talented judges as much as to the auditioning impersonators. I mean, between Elon Gold, Lisa Ann Walker, and Jeffrey Ross, we fans of the show have a full experience…one we would surely lack were the judges no-name personalities as dull as many of the impersonating contenders are.

Here’s further sampling of the hilarity behind the table (as well as a look at the aired contestants):

Borat is told he does a great impression, but he doesn’t look enough like Sacha Baron Cohen to go through.

Cher does “Gypsies, Tramps, and Thieves,” after telling us in interview it’s all about the face and gestures (of which I’ve seen way better down at the drag bar).
Lisa Ann: Did you ever feel like you needed a Cher-to-English dictionary?

Sean Connery kinda sounds and kinda looks like, but…somehow off.

Jeffrey: Somebody give this guy the Goldfinger.

Frank Sinatras—too many of them—one looks a little like him but can’t sing, others sing beautifully bit look NOTHING like the man.

Elon: Frank Sinotra.
Jeffrey: Star spreading the noose…and put it on your head.

Rocky Balboa

Elon: Who are you doing??!?
Jeffrey: This is so refreshing: to watch Rocky lose in the first round.

Rudy Giuliani

Lisa Ann: …sounds like him, but ruins it with the Marylin Monroe wig…lost your dignity.
Jeffrey: You should be running as a Republican.
Elon: You should run…the hell out of this room.

Gloria Estefan is a weak replication, as she keeps stopping and starting (though she says she has been doing Estefan impressions as a performer for years?)

Jeffrey: You’re awesome, but if we put you on a live show, you’re gonna fall apart.
Lisa Ann: I like you; I say yes
Elon: Second chance…but come prepared.

Elvis

Lisa Ann: He’s doing a very good Dennis Quaid.
Elon: [the guy stops, does an ugly exaggeration of the E lip wrinkle, and says something is the matter…] Something the matter…with your act. The guy then impersonates Elon, and Elon says to come back doing that act!

Dolly Parton the second has the same voice, but no boobs.

Lisa Ann: You’re much slower and much more laid back; you gotta kick it into [Dolly] gear all the time.
Elon: You’re missing two things….

Austin Powers is right, right, right on, and the judges adore him.

Really quick montage of others doing Travolta, Little Richard, Elvis (again), Steve Tyler

Elon: Dude looks like a lady….

Chris Rock has the growl, but…

Jeffrey: It’s unanimous: everybody hates Chris.

George Clooney is a mess, and would never make it to the People Magazine’s “Sexiest Man Alive” cover.

Bette Midler tells one eh Ernie and Sophie Tucker joke, but can’t sing for poop.

Lisa Ann: Here’s the thing: she really is known for being funny as well as for being a great singer, so it’s a no.
Jeffrey: I’m a gambler, but you’re a bad Bette.

Kenny Chesney

Lisa Ann: [giggling] He’s got the sound.
Elon [frowning, but agrees to send him through]
Jeffrey [also agrees]

Roseanne—when she first did stand-up, but in a waitress uniform, so when she first did the show, too.

Lisa Ann: I loved her…, fantastic.
Elon: …the whole package.
Jeffrey: You’re going through.

David Letterman (again)

Jeffrey: It’s weird because my first time on TV was on your show, and your last time on TV is on this show!

Somebody doing someone—Neil Diamond?

Lisa Ann: Why would you want to dress up like a professional skater?

Jeffrey: Are you doing Siegfried or Roy?

Kramer ruins one of my favorite, favorite characters of all time…up there, in my book, with Jim Breuer’s Goat Boy and McGuinley’s Dr. Perry Cox.

Elon gets up there with the guy to do a Jerry, commenting on this Kramer. Elon is hysterical. Then Elon shows the guy a better Kramer, advising how he needs to lower the register. Needless to say, this Kramer does not make it. A-yai-yai!

Madonna looks like her but acts more like Judy Takuda, if you ask me.

Lisa Ann: That’s Madonna as I like to remember her, the Italian with the great rack.
Elon: You even blink like Madonna.
Jeffrey (or maybe Elon): and unlike the real Madonna, you don’t have to sleep your way to the top….

George W. Bush (again, ugh)

Elon or Jeffrey, or both: I think we have found at least one weapon of mass destruction. Bush is a lame duck. You’re just lame.

Hillary Clinton

Elon [collapses on table in a snore]: No, because I don’t want you to put our viewers asleep.

Jackie Gleason/Ralph Kramden (doing Shakespeare)

Elon: such an original great thing…. I just wish your impression was better.

John Travolta—again, but this time reading…and reading SHAKESPEARE. Silence from the judges, and, of course, from Travolta, “Whut?”

Britneys—three of em—and one turns out to look the most like her…and is a guy! I was WAITING for this moment.

Tom Jones sings “Delila”. The judges sing, too, in this mock drunken swaying way.

Lisa Ann: Great energy, talented, but….
Elon: …not the next best thing to Tom Jones.
Jeffrey: To me you look like one of the Brady Bunch.

Bruce Willis…singing. (I forgot he did do that…on “Moonlighting”, I think.)

Jeffrey: What’s you talkin’ bout, Willis?
Elon: You’re great, I just don’t see the whole Bruce impression. You look like him, but this is not just a look-alike contest.

Simon Cowell

Jeffrey: Simon says NO.

Rod Stewart

Elon: You sound like Rod Stewart but you look like Keith Richards…with a little Martha Stewart thrown in.

Donald Trump (again)

Lisa Ann: Wow, I wish we had a Rosie impersonator up there!
Elon: I wish we had a Donald Trump up there. The problem is your voice. You’re so good, funny, and I don’t laugh at a lot of these…, but your voice doesn’t work.

Regis Philbin

Jeffrey: Regis hosts a talk show; you should host a walk show.

Reba McIntyre

Elon: Reba, that was alot funnier than your sit-com.
Jeffrey: Reba McIntired.

Rod Steiger, Johnny, Carson, and Jack Nicholson—all by one not so great impersonator who looks like none of the three.

Lisa Ann [looks like she’s going to cry]
Jeffrey: Somebody call the Geneva Convention…. This is torture.

Barry Manilow

Lisa Ann: I’m not getting enough sound and look of Manilow….
Elon: We get a lot of great voices—go on American Idol!

Groucho Marx roasts the judges, making them crack up with delight.

Elon: I kind of like him, but it wasn’t unbelievable.

George Burns kinda has the whiper and the look, albeit chubbier.

Elon just makes an eeww look.

Rodney Dangerfield (my absolute fav this week, as he is spot on!)

Elon: This is probably the BEST impression we’ve seen so far.

Really bad Marlon Brando, Tony Soprano, Jon Bon Jovi, Ray Romano, Barbra Streisand, Drew Carey, Neil Diamond impersonations round off the second set of auditions in New York.

Going on to the next round, from what I caught (Damn, Cat reads the names so fast!) are Rodney Dangerfield, Howard Stern (I missed this one?), Paris Hilton (with new material, now!), Gloria Estefan, Kenny Chesney, Austin Powers, Madonna, and Roseanne.

SirLinksAlot The Next Best Thing links

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