High Marks for Solitary

High Marks for Solitary by Roxanne McDonald

There are a number of characteristics about the reality TV show Solitary that make it an entertaining watch.

For one (and for a change), the players are all quite likeable. Unlike in many shows where there are the self-constructed villains, a**holes, and egomaniacs, in Solitary all are really pleasant, decent people—which of course makes rooting for a winner a bit more challenging but makes the viewing experience delightful nonetheless.

One player, Danielle, is a cosmetologist and former Fight Club member. A fairly slight thing, she will have to push the red button in her claustrophobic octagon only when the food supply overwhelms her in a special gluttony treatment by VAL, the computer who is at the forefront or the center of all the contestants do.

Another player, Florin (known as #4 on the show), is an unimposing writer in real life—or outside the reality TV life of Solitary. He speaks with a soft tone, is almost staunch in his participation, and is so intelligent that he wins the toughest of mind games (or what VAL calls tests or treatments).

Taralee, a fashion designer known as #3, is just as gentle, well-mannered, and endearing. She has the weakest bladder and has to pee constantly, but she also endures through all of the treatments with quirky facial expressions that suggest a self-effacing demeanor that agrees beautifully with her soft humor and soft voice—all of which make her, too, a favorite.

Number 5, Mark, a martial arts instructor, also has a wonderful sense of humor, works hard by chanting and meditation, and as well endears himself to viewers with his history (admittedly losing his wife in a divorce because he wasn’t as good a husband as he could have been) and with his tolerance of the grossest of treatments by the electronic leader—a gruesome movie of clowns, rats, explosions, destruction, and even meat being drilled.

Pamela, a 21-year-old who is #1 in the Solitary game, is so damned cute and so clever that when she “wins” an individual test or treatment (by, for example, figuring out the math involved in that gruesome movie test by laying out and lining up kernels of popcorn) we also cheer for her.

Number 7 is a school teacher with a Christian background. Thirty-five year-old Steven is wicked smart, too, and wins a couple of the tests, one of which, after the contestants have been starving for hours (or days?) wins him a massive prime rib dinner. Does he jump around and say how great and how kickass he is? No. He profusely thanks VAL in his sweet and humble way (which he would likely attribute to his devotion to Christ and Christ’s way.

The only Solitary contestant that gets anywhere near egomania is Cliff, a 25-year-old stud (also known as number 6 in Solitary). He wins the first game/test, and reminds VAL this is because he is so great. He also primps himself up often enough that when, as is typical of the game, select personal items are withheld by VAL just for the hell of it, he starts to go a little mad.

The braggadocio he displays for a number of episodes starts to subside, and by the time he gets to the eating treatment (where anyone who pukes has to hit the red “I quit” button and actually say, “I quit”) and his body just cannot take anymore and throws up the 14th or 24th course (I can’t recall, exactly) he refuses to hit the red button in his Solitary pod, saying he did not quit, saying this is reality TV and you cannot script it, and saying he wants his chapstick replaced if VAL has lost it. But even he is right…in a way.

His body could not take the massive amounts of food (served in courses at close intervals, with each course having to be consumed in under two minutes—5,000 calories in two hours, for example).

So, Cliff doesn’t really take the Greek hero’s tragic fall—because of his hubris, his overweening pride—and he isn’t all that much of a big shot as much as he is fairly intelligent, logical, and justified in his argument against the Solitary game criteria. Even he, in his own unique way, is appealing to viewers. And we don’t really want to see him fail.

But instead of my telling you too much

and giving you ALL the spoilers of Solitary, you should check out this fairly unique reality TV show, which airs a new “episode” every Monday and then repeats the sessions throughout the week (two or three times a day, even) on the FOX REALITY channel.

I trust if you get into this show, you will also like the players—not only because they are for the most part endearing personalities but because you will also identify with their suffering some of the most annoying, maddening treatments on any reality show in existence: theft of personal (and hygiene) items, increasingly cold temperatures, screechingly loud noises, sleep deprivation, and nauseating experiments that make you wanna puke even when you aren’t personally there, stuffing down the twenty-fourth course or donning a helmet and spinning in a chair the sadistic VAL (whom I suspect might be Anne of the old Weakest Link show) temporarily provides…even when you are not really sequestered in the hell that is SOLITARY confinement at it’s worst, with that mechanical voice hammering away at you on and on and on…OPEN THESE FRIGGEN POD DOORS, VAL!

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